I was m'ing in the bathroom before, not really feeling that I cared or too much of a want to stop.
I made a few half-hearted attempts to stop.
Then it suddenly hit me, "What in the world am I doing?
I know its wrong, that its not what I really want to be doing, and I'm not even feeling any pleasure from it.
I'm just mindlessly following an urge, giving in and not even getting anything out of it."
I still felt pretty dead and indifferent to giving in, but I had the clarity that there was nothing in it for me- not even a temporary pleasure.
So I stopped.

HERO!

Muttel wrote on 16 Dec 2024 13:46:

I don't agree.
I was giving in just because I felt like it, and only controlled myself because I realized that I wasn't enjoying it, I was just serving my taavos and getting nothing.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 16 Dec 2024 14:58:

I don't agree.
The reason that you controlled yourself could have been the same reason to continue not to care. You cared enough to think about it and make a choice.
Kol hakavod

I agree with Ben Hashem here. 
Tzadik Vekam, you need to look at yourself objectively and cut yourself some slack. You’re in a difficult nisayon and a win where you may have initially made a bad decision is something to be proud of.

Wishing you much success always. 

If I may, I agree with Muttel & BenhashemBH on the one hand, but I also agree with Tzadikvikam on the other hand.

What Tzadikvikam did, is definitely something to be proud of and should be celebrated as a win, yet on the other hand, I think the word "Hero" might be a bit to sharp, for someone who likes to be honest with himself, wouldn't consider this heroic yet, but it is a step in the right direction, I'd say he's on the 9th step of the 10 step "Hero" ladder, when he'll be at the stage of feeling the urge coming and runing out of the bathroom like yosef hatzadik did, then he'd be heroic.

Sorry for my ppoint of view, I'm just repeating what I've heard from some people who don't like when we over dramatize

I am totally on board with REB AKIVA! (In fact i might have been one of those he is referring to)
However, please do not underestimate what you did!
It is truly amazing to care enough to stop for any reason!
Harav Yisroel Elya Weintroub ZTZ"L once told someone who was struggling with the same things we struggle with that the amount of schar and nachas ruach he brings Hashem even by just delaying even if he ends up falling is beyond our comprehension!!!
I can only imagine what he would say about you who held back entirely!!!

So while you may feel that HERO is a little over the top I have a better title for you.. An EVED HASHEM who truly wants to serve hashem despit having a terrible nisoyon! The fact that you are here and posting proves that.
Do not underestimate what you did!!
Use it as a springboard to reach higher   and you will very soon, even in your own opinion, be a HERO!

I think that you ARE a tzadik. 
This is what a win looks like. 

ויותר יעקב לבדו, that's when he was challenged by the yetzer hara. Middle of the night and no one around. 
That's the fight that all Jews have. 
We don't expect the Rav of our shul to shlep us up to mizrach vant because we didn't look at our phone during davening when we felt it vibrate in our pocket. Or that Reb Chaim Kanievsky will send us a letter praising us coz we held back our tongue from making a comment to our spouse. 

I just read a beautiful Rabbenu Yonah on the mishna אם אין אני לי, מי לי he says that sometimes we get inspiration from a shiur or a good mussar vort, but those moments on inspiration only last a short time. The real shteiging of a Jew he writes, is on the daily battle we have with the yetzer hara and the daily efforts we put in to grow in our Godly work. That's a true Yid. 
And that's what you are. 
Someone who received a challenge from Hashem, and you won your challenge. 
You have done something that many of us would not be able to accomplish. I know from my past that once I was half way through, I couldn't stop.but you did. 

Yes, like the oilam is saying - look at which direction you are going.
BezH keep heading that way.
Hatzlacha and kol tov fellow journeyman!

jollylemur95 wrote on 16 Dec 2024 16:24:

I haven't yet met a normal, healthy person that considers himself a hero.

odyossefchai wrote on 16 Dec 2024 16:34:

Kupas Ha'ir might if you donate enough.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 16 Dec 2024 19:56:

I know many normal, healthy people that consider themselves heroes

I was using an innocent app on my phone and found a way to get open web access, and went straig to p.
Again, I was feeling pretty apathetic, not reall caring, and then some of what I had been reading from the battle of the generation yesterday popped into my head, I don't even remember what it was, might not even have been any one specific thing that I saw, just that reading it was mechazek that its not worth it and that I don't want to be doing it, and I decided that its not worth it and stopped.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 17 Dec 2024 21:42:

Do you still not agree, that you are a HERO?

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 17 Dec 2024 21:42:

That is gadlus!!
WOW WOW WOW!!!