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TOPIC: Violent porn 1708 Views

Re: Violent porn 31 Oct 2022 19:33 #387052

jackthejew
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hST2cKmqv3vpV wrote on 31 Oct 2022 17:43:

One way that I've managed to use this kind of perversion to help me make teshuvah is the idea that I want to stay pure for my wife, that I should not look at women I'm not married to, are all consistent with feelings of deference that someone who shares the kind of perversions I have probably also has

I'm not married, but through some of the work I've done in therapy, I personally have found that this feeling of deference isn't healthy at all for me personally, and does not seem to be the same kind of TRUE deference I hope to have for my wife BE"H

Off the forum for now.
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Re: Violent porn 31 Oct 2022 22:36 #387053

gevura shebyesod
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Makes a lot of sense.

I was the same and i have the same issues.

For me it was more being the shy insecure teenager at the same time where it seemed to me that the hot guys got all the attention and everyone wanted to be friends with them, so in my mind, i needed to like them. and therefore started getting attracted to them. This is 1 theory

the other is that i was just very sexual excited from a yong age becuase i was looking for some reprieve from my trauma and sadness and i since i was only around boys all days, my excitement went there. It was much eaiser for me and still is much easier to ignore and move on from getting triggered by female either on the street or online then males. It is hardwired in my brain since a very young age versus female whom i didnt have any interaction untill much older and therefore didnt get so hardwired.

Teshuvahguy, it is a very tough struggle we are in. But there is no other choice but to win. Losing is not possible.

Wow this sounds so much like me. I was also a shy lonely kid and I still feel like one inside. I had very few friend last in the small community I grew up in, and my parents are also very emotionally “cold”. In Yeshiva I couldn’t make friends, and I was insanely jealous of the cool connected guys who got all the “perks” and it became totally sexualised. And for decades after I couldn’t move past being the lost kid who never felt worthy of being wanted by anyone or even being an adult.

Over the last 10 years or so I’ve done a lot of work on this, making friends with people, joining learning groups and getting chavrusas etc. it’s helped a lot with the feelings of unworthiness and loneliness. But the instinctive attraction to young guys will probably never go away. It just makes it easier to let go when it happens.

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

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Last Edit: 31 Oct 2022 22:42 by gevura shebyesod. Reason: quote not working properly

Re: Violent porn 31 Oct 2022 23:08 #387055

teshuvahguy
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 31 Oct 2022 22:36:

@gevurahshebyesod, you know you are one of my heroes from my last stint on GYE. Keep goin’ man. You gave me such strength in the past. I’ve missed you. You are definitely one of the cool guys now! Love you, man.

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 05:37 #387081

human being
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Love all you guys. So much reality going on over here. I wish one day we could start LA Lonely anonymous for those of us that have a part of us that will forever be alone. For me its close to 10 years of isolation. from primary through 9th just completely alone in my brain. shunned broken and tortured from the inside out.

I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment.
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions.

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain.

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 11:13 #387086

Hashem Help Me Current streak: 2888 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 4042	Sounds like loads of guys just need some healthy (non sexual) hugs. We can't undo the past, but we can iyh plan a brighter, warmer, nurturing future.
	Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 17:38 #387104

chancy
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You are a star now!
I never had any friends either and i still find it very difficult to have any real friends.
its still bothering me. But one thing changed. I dont think anyone else is gods gift to humanity either...... Im not jealous of anyone.
If you take a look around you will see that nobody is that great.... Meaning we all have our issues and struggles, I wouldnt change lives with anyone. However, that lust i had to those guys is still there, but i am able to ignore it faster with the knowledge that its not real.

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 18:04 #387105

teshuvahguy
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chancy wrote on 01 Nov 2022 17:38:

@chancy, I’ll jump at the opportunity to be your real friend!

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 18:12 #387107

chancy Current streak: 822 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 517 Karma: 22	In teh past i wouldve answered that you dont know me and you wouldnt want to be friends with me if you did.... But now i can say that you probably would like me in real life, i dont have any enemies. I just dont know how to have friends... i might have missed the boat on that one......

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 18:25 #387108

teshuvahguy
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chancy wrote on 01 Nov 2022 18:12:

In teh past i wouldve answered that you dont know me and you wouldnt want to be friends with me if you did.... But now i can say that you probably would like me in real life, i dont have any enemies.
I just dont know how to have friends... i might have missed the boat on that one......

Here’s the thing @chancy…I’ve read a lot of your posts. I see how you respond to people and from that, in some sense, I do know you. I know that you care enough to give thoughtful help to others in pain. I know that you share honestly about yourself. I think that if I knew you personally, I would see you as a valuable human worthy of my friendship and respect. You have personally responded to my pain with real chizuk. So, yeah, I like you and I thank you.

Re: Violent porn 01 Nov 2022 19:23 #387110

7Yipol90vKum
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Israelepstien wrote on 31 Oct 2022 15:27:

Insights are helpful. They are not the end all to the process, but they are helpful. So here is a valuable insight. Whether it's 'violent porn', under age porn, teacher -student porn, cuckold porn, or any other variation, even "Rabbi porn" ... Once someone points it out (like now) you can see that they all come from the same place. And hence they all "make sense.". Sex is very connected to power. So now revisit the list above - and any other variations you might have in your mind- and you will probably see this that they all have the same common denominator. They are all different scenarios of "power"/control/dominance over another person. Hence, also 'S+M'..etc..etc... It's all the same fantasy in different clothes. To sexualize having power.

I agree with this. The sexualizing power thing is a very interesting idea!

Re: Violent porn 02 Nov 2022 04:27 #387143

Daniel.shoshan OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 7 Karma: -6	I would challenge you then to cite one type of porn which is NOT fueled by the power/control/dominance factor. I am open of course to expanding my understanding but as of yet I know of no porn that's NOT power based. I don't wanna to be too graphic so I won't explain, but the science is that sex itself is power based.

Re: Violent porn 02 Nov 2022 04:38 #387144

Daniel.shoshan OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 7 Karma: -6	I would challenge you then to cite one type of porn which is NOT fueled by the power/control/dominance factor. I am open of course to expanding my understanding but as of yet I know of no porn that's NOT power based. I don't wanna to be too graphic so I won't explain, but the science is that sex itself is power based.

Re: Violent porn 02 Nov 2022 12:26 #387151

jackthejew
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Israelepstien wrote on 02 Nov 2022 04:38:

I would challenge you then to cite one type of porn which is NOT fueled by the power/control/dominance factor. I am open of course to expanding my understanding but as of yet I know of no porn that's NOT power based. I don't wanna to be too graphic so I won't explain, but the science is that sex itself is power based.

Porn is about objectification, and a big part of that is the subconcious power play. The true healthy sexual drive given to us by Hashem is a vehicle for connection when used properly. Sex used as a power play is feeding into the same perversion of the true purpose

Re: Violent porn 02 Nov 2022 13:37 #387152

vehkam
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Israelepstien wrote on 02 Nov 2022 04:38:

i'm certainly not an expert on the science. While you may (or may not) be correct that there is an aspect of control and/or dominance in all pornography, the source of the fantasy that draws one to watch it may be totally unrelated to the power/control aspect. That source can be different for different viewers and completely nonsexual in origin.

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Last Edit: 02 Nov 2022 13:44 by vehkam.