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Looking for some help/advice here 28 Dec 2021 18:58 #375332

  • fightinghard
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Hey guys, 
By way of introduction: for the most part, i have found that BH my desire is much more for intimacy/connection rather than just straight porn.
However, my brain will often confuse the two and send me to porn... (yes, I am still single. actually, whenever I am actively dating someone, its almost not even a challenge to stay away because of the connection factor, Chasdei Hashem!)

Anyway, the real question I have is: I have filters and kosher phones etc. but the yetzer hara is better than any filter and you can always get around it one way or another. The rush and extreme high I get when watching porn or masturbating is really pleasurable... Even though I know I will regret it later, that is usually not enough once I'm pulled...

​Is there anything I can do to "match" this rush of endorphins or am I stuck suffering until I eventually, if ever, feel good about a "victory"??

People have advised living a healthier lifestyle; productive, giving, exercise etc, but even on my best days with the best highs, when it gets time to go to bed at night, the pull is crazy!!

Any help or advice?
Thanks in advance
You guys are a bunch of legends btw

Re: Looking for some help/advice here 29 Dec 2021 12:32 #375367

  • 64mujw
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I do not think intimacy will help .
Just lots of work corectly. Check out course flight to freedom here on gye.
with work בע"ה you will make it. Don't give up
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Looking for some help/advice here 30 Dec 2021 14:17 #375397

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fightingHard wrote on 28 Dec 2021 18:58:
Hey guys, 
By way of introduction: for the most part, i have found that BH my desire is much more for intimacy/connection rather than just straight porn.
However, my brain will often confuse the two and send me to porn... (yes, I am still single. actually, whenever I am actively dating someone, its almost not even a challenge to stay away because of the connection factor, Chasdei Hashem!)

Anyway, the real question I have is: I have filters and kosher phones etc. but the yetzer hara is better than any filter and you can always get around it one way or another. The rush and extreme high I get when watching porn or masturbating is really pleasurable... Even though I know I will regret it later, that is usually not enough once I'm pulled...

​Is there anything I can do to "match" this rush of endorphins or am I stuck suffering until I eventually, if ever, feel good about a "victory"??

People have advised living a healthier lifestyle; productive, giving, exercise etc, but even on my best days with the best highs, when it gets time to go to bed at night, the pull is crazy!!

Any help or advice?
Thanks in advance
You guys are a bunch of legends btw

No doubt this is very difficult to do. But it can be done. Please check out The Battle of the Generation for some ideas about how to have excitement about winning (link below in my signature)
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Looking for some help/advice here 31 Dec 2021 12:18 #375418

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. Great first post. Stay connected. By reading the various forum posts here and staying connected with successful chevra here, you will iyh rewire your brain and that helps alleviate what you write about. Take a loook at the flight to freedom program here. BH you are dealing with this now - before marriage. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Looking for some help/advice here 01 Jan 2022 23:44 #375433

fightingHard wrote on 28 Dec 2021 18:58:
Hey guys, 
By way of introduction: for the most part, i have found that BH my desire is much more for intimacy/connection rather than just straight porn.
However, my brain will often confuse the two and send me to porn... (yes, I am still single. actually, whenever I am actively dating someone, its almost not even a challenge to stay away because of the connection factor, Chasdei Hashem!)

Anyway, the real question I have is: I have filters and kosher phones etc. but the yetzer hara is better than any filter and you can always get around it one way or another. The rush and extreme high I get when watching porn or masturbating is really pleasurable... Even though I know I will regret it later, that is usually not enough once I'm pulled...

​Is there anything I can do to "match" this rush of endorphins or am I stuck suffering until I eventually, if ever, feel good about a "victory"??

People have advised living a healthier lifestyle; productive, giving, exercise etc, but even on my best days with the best highs, when it gets time to go to bed at night, the pull is crazy!!

Any help or advice?
Thanks in advance
You guys are a bunch of legends btw

Hey beautiful post! I know how hard it may be… it’s really a lot… the trick that worked for me was there’s obviously a very strong pull toward this… the question is what can you do to match that? Or decrease that pull? Many guys get married and expect that, that pull will get matched by they’re wife! And it’s a complete disaster when it hits there…cuz your wife isn’t a sexual pleasure machine. And will never match that. Unfortunately that’s the subconscious that goes on though, I wanna recommend two things to you, and then a quick question you can think about. 

1) you have to change your brain, your mindset is now you love porn! It’s so exciting! Such a rush! Awesome! Heaven! It’s worth everything. Isn’t it ?! Well in the moment we see it is! So you gotta motivate yourself… to create a new mindset.. so when the idea or fantasies of porn flies in your head it won’t turn on that switch that tells your brain-excitement!!!! Rather when porn comes in it’ll turn the switch on of- disgusting feelings, guilt, feeling hopeless etc. and you won’t be turned and inclined to that too much… however to reach such a place takes a tremendous amount of work! That worked for me with- self talk! A 1/2 hour each day, of talking to yourself about the cons overall from porn.
1.How do you feel after? 
2.what are the long term damages? 
3. why do you keep wanting to stop if it’s so good? The list goes on and on and the reasons are so many. And you can discuss them in your self talk/daily motivation… for example.. you may feel after- extremely hopeless… you can talk in the daily motivation… why you feel so hopeless…. Look how many people have miserable lives while they keep watching and falling with porn etc. look how many people keep trying and failing! So I might as well really make this decisions to completely and strongly end this cuz of not I’ll have to be like them in a complete mess! Etc. this will help you understand why porn isn’t beneficial and what you or your subconscious wants!


Second tip: 2) make sure you Distance yourself and any possibility of porn… a filter or anything like that is completely not enough for someone who has seen porn.. a filter works for curios people to limit they’re access so they don’t come into contact with porn. (Or it may help for someone who’s doing other stuff besides a filter to help them stay clean) for me that was something like the taphsic method. It’s so important to have something like that cuz there will always be access… and as long as your brain knows it’s an option your fighting a much more intense battle!

And the quick question is- when you date girls you don’t have much of an intense urge? Right? Well that can very strongly be because the excitement is turned toward the girl… but when the girl gets boring.. and doesn’t live up. (Like every single marriage) then theres gonna be no excitement and you’ll be back in the same spot with the mindset of wanting and loving porn. Cuz of the rush etc.

I wanna make it clear here, whatever you feel applies to you here or can benefit you then take it along! But whatever you feel doesn’t apply to you, then leave it behind! I don’t have the audacity to tell you what’s going on in your life and what it means and why this stuff is happening… I’m not living your life only you are :-) but, whatever you feel is beneficial then take it along!

“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29
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