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I want a girl so badly

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: I want a girl so badly 7538 Views

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 May 2021 06:10 #368213

fighterwithfire
Current streak: 579 days
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Posts: 176
Karma: 28

Feel so awful.
Fell.
On the unfiltered device that was left out.
Streak's over.
Time to start a new one.
I just sat down and wrote a bunch of things to remember when under attack.
Feel like this could be helpful for others (sitting down and writing such a list, and keeping it on one's self at all times).
Obviously, everyone has a different situation, but here are those that are applicable for (practically) everybody:

Watching pornography is an issur di’oraisa.
Pornography fuels sex trafficking.
The people in pornography are evil, horrible people.
I need to stop watching pornography in order to have a functional marriage and raise a family.
Watching pornography causes me to have stress and anxiety.
Remember how bad it feels when you fall? What a lowlife you feel like?
Pornography is a drug. There is no such thing as falling once. Watching pornography makes it harder and harder to stop.
Watching pornography breaks my 90 day streak. How am I ever going to get to 90 if I don’t stop falling?
Watching pornography fuels violence against women and children.
Do I want to be an eved Hashem or a slave to my desires/lust?
Watching pornography limits my learning and davening capabilities.
Watching pornography destroys who I am. Don’t do it. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!!!

Looking forward to celebrating with everybody in 90 days.
Signing off for now,
Fighter With Fire

אמרת לי עזוב
מה ששלך שלך
מספיק מלחמות זה עוד יגמור אותך
ואל תפחד גם להוריד הילוך
הדרך למעלה מתחילה נמוך
ליפול לקום ישר עקום
כשהשמש עוזבת זה לא בגללך
לשחות לצוף ללמוד לעוף
לראות קצת שמים

Feel free to reach out: EternalWarrior613@gmail.com

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 May 2021 13:40 #368216

k9
Current streak: 38 days
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Posts: 108
Karma: 28

I love your post fall attitude! For myself when I have fallen I was at risk of just giving up and throwing in the towel. I am learning to focus on the positive of my accomplishments and not dwell too much on the negativity of a slip or fall. 90 days is just a number and any victory for a minute hour or day is worthy of us feeling good and proud of ourselves! Get back in to the ring and throw some more punches! You are amazing!

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 May 2021 13:57 #368217

evedhashem1836
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Posts: 299
Karma: 19

I believe this is grants original idea:

Make the most out of your fall to prevent future falls. Meaning write out how you feel really expand on it more than just "I fell" go through all your emotions

And then when you feel weak and susceptible to falling read it to give you strong chizzuk as its coming from you

Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled - if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread:
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 May 2021 22:29 #368258

DeletedUser753 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 85	.
	Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway. "All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely." Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 20:48 by DeletedUser753.

Re: I want a girl so badly 16 May 2021 04:36 #368619

fighterwithfire
Current streak: 579 days
NOW ONLINE
Gold Boarder
Posts: 176
Karma: 28

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 09 May 2021 22:29:

Hey, maybe just get a kosher phone. No one ever died from boredom.

Also, if I can be a little explicit, compare your feelings now to how you feel after you've completed acting out. Do you feel exactly the same? No, of course not. That's because your brain is lying to you, it's hyping this thing up to be the be all end all. It's not. I'm single, by the way.

You have to realize that your brain produces dopamine in response to the feeling of anticipation, and opioids in response to an orgasm. Everything you're feeling now is a dopamine rush signal that your brain is sending your way. It's telling you to go after the thing that's going to produce opioids (orgasm), that it's the most important thing in the world and you'll die without it.

Your brain is LYING to you. And it's just as smart as you. Tell it "no".

Or tell it yes, no one here will ever know the difference anyways. Do whatever is important to you. No one here will ever know. But you'll know. You'll have to live with the consequences. Do what you want to do. You want to act out, got for it. You want to stay clean, be proactive and make a game plan.

I don't have a smartphone or any other device with unfiltered and/or unmonitored internet. Please read my bio (link attached) before making assumptions. guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/366231-I-want-a-girl-so-badly

Re: I want a girl so badly 16 May 2021 04:37 #368620

fighterwithfire Current streak: 579 days NOW ONLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 176 Karma: 28	1 week clean! Off to a good start, let's keep this going all the way to 90!
	אמרת לי עזוב מה ששלך שלך מספיק מלחמות זה עוד יגמור אותך ואל תפחד גם להוריד הילוך הדרך למעלה מתחילה נמוך ליפול לקום ישר עקום כשהשמש עוזבת זה לא בגללך לשחות לצוף ללמוד לעוף לראות קצת שמים Feel free to reach out: EternalWarrior613@gmail.com

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 06:32 #368658

fighterwithfire
Current streak: 579 days
NOW ONLINE
Gold Boarder
Posts: 176
Karma: 28

Fell. Unfiltered device was left lying around again. Need eitzos for this. What do I do when faced with an unfiltered device staring me in the face at night? Often am too tired to do exercise that late (but maybe I need to push myself harder), and I find it hard to get to sleep knowing said device is lying around.
Any helpful input would be greatly appreciated.
Time to start a new streak. All the way to 90 this time. Let's do this.

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 06:54 #368661

have hope
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Thanks for sharing. I know exactly what you mean. I used to be like that also, knowing it was there and trying not to fall.

You said "All the way to 90 this time." In my opinion, I feel the focus should be on today only. As they say in SA, one day at a time. Today I will do what I need to do in order not to fall. Tomorrow I'll worry about tomorrow.

You also say "maybe I need to push myself harder". Again, my opinion, take yourself out of the equation and let Hashem step in.

Do some deep breathing, and surrender the desire to Hashem. Say "I am powerless over this desire, You, Hashem, are all powerful. I give (it needs your action of giving) the desire to you because I am powerless over it and only You are more powerful than it." And then walk away. "Let go and let God" as they say.

Wishing you much hatzlacha and I'm waiting to hear that you reached 90 days 1 day at a time.

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 11:24 #368664

bego
Current streak: 769 days
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Posts: 410
Karma: 68

Hey

Very much still remember my yeshiva days. Wow. LOTS of zera spilled! Definitely know what you mean about the insane drive to just BE with a girl (b'loshon sagi nohor).
What can i tell you. It's just not worth the pain. I've masturbated in the bathroom of young couples while they waited for me to finish the meal. For what? She's HIS. And even for a single girl. For what? All it did was screw up my ideas of what sex was about and make me have to work doubly hard to first clean my mind and then rebuild.
If only I could go back and erase the first time I used porn. Hours of guilt and pain wouldn't be there (I know, i wouldn't be the same me).

You're doing great by just being here (it didn't exist in my day)! You're doing great to even know such a thing as a fall exists! I was just getting on with it.

You've got great potential to achieve something and even if that something takes a few (a lot!) of false starts, you're on a journey and will get there eventually.

I came.
I saw
I conquered.
I failed.
Too much I.

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 12:07 #368665

hashem help me
Current streak: 3091 days
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Posts: 4159

FighterWithFire wrote on 19 May 2021 06:32:

Fell. Unfiltered device was left lying around again. Need eitzos for this. What do I do when faced with an unfiltered device staring me in the face at night?

Are you set up in a way that you can make unfiltered devices "muktzah"? Write a contract that you realize unfiltered devices are unsafe and you will not use them even for kosher purposes. If you do use one, even if you don't fall, you agree to pay a knas for breaking your geder. This system has worked for many guys.

Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 15:39 #368678

gyejew OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 2 Karma: 1	FighterWithFire wrote on 19 May 2021 06:32: Fell. Unfiltered device was left lying around again. Need eitzos for this. What do I do when faced with an unfiltered device staring me in the face at night? Maybe try this? guardyoureyes.com/tools/taphsic-method

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 19:44 #368687

DeletedUser753 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 85	.
	Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway. "All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely." Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 20:53 by DeletedUser753.

Re: I want a girl so badly 19 May 2021 19:49 #368689

DeletedUser753 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 85	.
	Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway. "All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely." Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 20:53 by DeletedUser753.

Re: I want a girl so badly 20 May 2021 03:29 #368720

evedhashem1836
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Posts: 299
Karma: 19

Time to start a new streak. All the way to 90 this time. Let's do this.

Most people subscribe to the "one day at a time" theory but it never resonated with me. What do you mean 1 day at a time? So I'm letting myself fall tomorrow? How will I ever reach 90 that way?

That being said a similar idea did work very well for me recently - I had a few days of raging desires and I told myself I'll just be clean until shavuos and then I can figure it out from there and lo and behold the desires have passed and I have no urge to fall anymore.

Perhaps take on something similar - in my experience short goals of a week or 10 days have been extremely helpful. You finish a short goal you work towards another short goal and each one feels satisfying, enough short goals and you hit 90.

Just my 2 cents feel free to disagree j sharing what works for me

Re: I want a girl so badly 20 May 2021 12:53 #368732

DeletedUser753 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 85	.
	Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway. "All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely." Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 20:53 by DeletedUser753.