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Challenge Accepted!!!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Challenge Accepted!!! 9689 Views

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 12 May 2021 21:48 #368472

  • grant400
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Hey guys!

B"H this challenge is very helpful for me and seems to be for others too. I also see there are many new members "lurking on the forum". I want to ask you guys to join us on the forum. Start a thread and introduce yourself a drop, or post something on this thread. I know it's intimidating and overwhelming in the beginning, we've all been there, but you shouldn't feel that way. For some reason this works and you will feel very different after just a few posts.

C'mon guys, join us!

Who's up for the challenge?!?
Last Edit: 12 May 2021 21:49 by grant400.

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 13 May 2021 04:14 #368498

Or maybe (guys lmk what you think about this) if you don't feel that you are ready yet to post at least thank some posts that you like so we can see your name on the forum
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 13 May 2021 20:10 #368543

  • lou
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I am back in as of today beH. However, I would like to make a point (to myself, of course) … This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

 Clean streaks,90-day charts, contests etc. are all nice. They are exciting, kind of fun and can be a good first step. However, they are not a real solution. If you just push yourself to make through a contest, then you (I) will fail soon after. So, although I am joining and once, I join I will have to follow all the rules, that is not really my real kaballah. My real kaballah (bln) is 90 days of working on the problem. (It is not so concrete, so I understand the need for the no acting out rule from this program.) Working can be defined as staying away from the issues or also by increasing various positive aspects such as relationships, learning, job etc.

So….

 I am mekabel bln to do one thing every day towards improving myself in this area. I will possibly post my daily activity on my thread. I am still deciding if it should be more of a private thing or better to have accountability.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 13 May 2021 21:12 #368546

True but I guess in theory if you kept doing and succeeding at the 90 day challenge you'd be in a pretty good spot only falling 4 times a year which is a lot better than what most of us probably average. Thing is this doesn't happen bc most ppl when they fall they fall a bunch of times (see: what the heck syndrome) and doesn't balance out 
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 13 May 2021 21:12 #368547

  • davidt
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Lou wrote on 13 May 2021 20:10:

I am back in as of today beH. However, I would like to make a point (to myself, of course) … This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

 Clean streaks,90-day charts, contests etc. are all nice. They are exciting, kind of fun and can be a good first step. However, they are not a real solution. If you just push yourself to make through a contest, then you (I) will fail soon after. So, although I am joining and once, I join I will have to follow all the rules, that is not really my real kaballah. My real kaballah (bln) is 90 days of working on the problem. (It is not so concrete, so I understand the need for the no acting out rule from this program.) Working can be defined as staying away from the issues or also by increasing various positive aspects such as relationships, learning, job etc.

So….

 I am mekabel bln to do one thing every day towards improving myself in this area. I will possibly post my daily activity on my thread. I am still deciding if it should be more of a private thing or better to have accountability.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


Lou, this is an amazing post and a true eye opener. 
The fact is that we don't want to act out but there are underlying factors that cause us to fall. As long as we don't address those underlying factors, we'll never be able to really STOP. As Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".

The reason that the 12 step program has worked for so many people (I'm not pushing the program now, just using it as an illustration) is that it digs into the core of the person and addresses so many personal defects and as there is a 12 step saying "the person that drank yesterday will drink again, but I'm not that person any more". 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 13 May 2021 21:49 #368553

  • wilnevergiveup
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EvedHashem1836 wrote on 13 May 2021 21:12:
True but I guess in theory if you kept doing and succeeding at the 90 day challenge you'd be in a pretty good spot only falling 4 times a year which is a lot better than what most of us probably average. Thing is this doesn't happen bc most ppl when they fall they fall a bunch of times (see: what the heck syndrome) and doesn't balance out 

It's not just math, if we don't change ourselves but push through 90 days, we are certainly going to fail soon after and it won't bee that easy to get back up. It's not just the "what the heck" thing, rather it's because the tension and desire builds and builds until it bursts. Unless we do something to prevent a buildup we eventually break in a way that makes a big mess. There are guys here who go months or longer before they can get back into it. It's vital to work on the core issues and not just rely on getting from 90 to 90. 

It's like someone wise once told me, if you can go from 90 to 90 with one fall every 90 than you aren't in such a bad place, the thing is it's never just one fall and it's never simple to get back up again right after a fall. I don't want to point out anyone specific but just take a look around at the guys who reached 90 and have fallen over the past few months. How many were just able to climb back onto their horses? Everyone is going through their specific challenges, but that's just it, we have to work through our challenges. 

So, I am all for @Lou's approach to all this, it's really sensible and hopefully you can figure out what works and get on that road soon.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 15 May 2021 20:07 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 01:23 #368565

  • lou
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 This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


I want to reiterate this and make sure not to take away at all from this wonderful initiative.

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 03:44 #368570

  • k9
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Lou wrote on 13 May 2021 20:10:

I am back in as of today beH. However, I would like to make a point (to myself, of course) … This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

 Clean streaks,90-day charts, contests etc. are all nice. They are exciting, kind of fun and can be a good first step. However, they are not a real solution. If you just push yourself to make through a contest, then you (I) will fail soon after. So, although I am joining and once, I join I will have to follow all the rules, that is not really my real kaballah. My real kaballah (bln) is 90 days of working on the problem. (It is not so concrete, so I understand the need for the no acting out rule from this program.) Working can be defined as staying away from the issues or also by increasing various positive aspects such as relationships, learning, job etc.

So….

 I am mekabel bln to do one thing every day towards improving myself in this area. I will possibly post my daily activity on my thread. I am still deciding if it should be more of a private thing or better to have accountability.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


A big advantage I find to a day count is to update my count daily. This ensures that every day at least once I’m contemplating my journey/recovery and helps me to be mindful about it. 

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 04:07 #368572

  • wilnevergiveup
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Lou wrote on 14 May 2021 01:23:




 This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


I want to reiterate this and make sure not to take away at all from this wonderful initiative.

For sure! I think we all agree that this 90 day challenge is just a push to get us over the hump, but would accomplish very little if we don't change in the process.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 14 May 2021 11:08 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 04:20 #368573

  • hakolhevel
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 14 May 2021 04:07:

Lou wrote on 14 May 2021 01:23:




 This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


I want to reiterate this and make sure not to take away at all from this wonderful initiative.

For sure! I think we all agree that this 90 day challenge is just a pus to get us over the hump, but would accomplish very little if we don't change in the process. 

+1

It would be what we call a dry drunk
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 11:11 #368579

  • Hashem Help Me
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Lou wrote on 13 May 2021 20:10:

I am back in as of today beH. However, I would like to make a point (to myself, of course) … This is my opinion and only applies to me. Others may be very different than me and everyone should do what works for them.

 Clean streaks,90-day charts, contests etc. are all nice. They are exciting, kind of fun and can be a good first step. However, they are not a real solution. If you just push yourself to make through a contest, then you (I) will fail soon after. So, although I am joining and once, I join I will have to follow all the rules, that is not really my real kaballah. My real kaballah (bln) is 90 days of working on the problem. (It is not so concrete, so I understand the need for the no acting out rule from this program.) Working can be defined as staying away from the issues or also by increasing various positive aspects such as relationships, learning, job etc.

So….

 I am mekabel bln to do one thing every day towards improving myself in this area. I will possibly post my daily activity on my thread. I am still deciding if it should be more of a private thing or better to have accountability.

Hatzlocha to all

Lou


The 90 day challenge can be compared to psychiatric medication. Often an individual suffering from self induced or environmentally caused anxiety/depression will be put temporarily on medication. Even though the fellow is not clinically ill, his therapist may feel that in order for therapy to "reach him", medicine is needed to remove the edge and calm down the matzav. Similarly, it is obvious that for an individual to really "break free", he needs to rewire his brain regarding sexuality. This is a process involving education, mentoring, and brutal honesty. It is tough to get started especially if one is wallowing in the mud of yi'ush due to constant falls. The 90 days is that "pill" that puts a guy at ease to the degree that he starts to believe he has a chance and is now open to the "brain rewiring process". With a somewhat restored confidence, one has the emotional ability to get to work.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 14 May 2021 13:15 #368585

  • Snowflake
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I've been over 90 days quite a few times (as many members here I'm sure) and it definitely helps. It's certainly not a magic pill, which afterwards the urges are gone. But there really is some serious rewiring. I like HHM's mashal. It's almost like an intensive treatment, which may not be viable for the long term, but coupled with a long term plan, could be just the thing.
Usually, people with lower streaks (like me right now), can't get past a week or two. Sometimes it's a daily thing and you can't break free. The 90 day process can help break the vicious cycle of acting out, feeling dirty and repulsive, acting out again, promising never to do it again, act out, etc. To reach 90 days you also can't just "white knuckle" or go "dry drunk". Unless you implement serious strategies, you'll never make it. So it forces you to make a plan.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 16 May 2021 02:56 #368618

For anyone whose been following my journey you know recently ive been in a bit of a tough spot

for anyone who hasn't been following my journey ill tell you a little secret: ive been in a tough spot


So to combat that I'm updating the terms of my commitment here: I will pay the 150 (or whatever were at now) if I intentionally look at images as well, regardless of zera

Regarding my streak I'm keeping it just zera related for my own purposes - I personally find it more motivating to have a longer streak (even if i don't let out zera but I reset my streak to 0 will be more tempting to act out bc i don't have a "long streak")
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 16 May 2021 14:01 #368630

  • grant400
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EvedHashem1836 wrote on 16 May 2021 02:56:
For anyone whose been following my journey you know recently ive been in a bit of a tough spot

for anyone who hasn't been following my journey ill tell you a little secret: ive been in a tough spot


So to combat that I'm updating the terms of my commitment here: I will pay the 150 (or whatever were at now) if I intentionally look at images as well, regardless of zera

Regarding my streak I'm keeping it just zera related for my own purposes - I personally find it more motivating to have a longer streak (even if i don't let out zera but I reset my streak to 0 will be more tempting to act out bc i don't have a "long streak")

I'm not getting involved in your method. Obviously we all must find what works for us. 

Just wanna say this. Looking at triggering stuff, although not having sex with your hand, is going to keep you entrenched in this stuff forever. It's all or nothing. Obviously we can take it one step at a time, like it seems you are, just don't get comfortable with this set up. 

Also...you're doing awesome! Hatzlacha! 

Re: Challenge Accepted!!! 16 May 2021 14:56 #368632

  • hakolhevel
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To me, if one is looking at this stuff and not being MZL is just torture, so at some point you will either decide to be MZL CH"V or to stop looking. 

Hatzlacha
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection
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