EvedHashem1836 wrote on 20 May 2021 03:29:

Hi
There are many approaches and tools and the goal of GYE is to lay them out and let each person see what works for them. 

Having short goals is always a good idea. 

As we said many times, reaching 90 is not the end game for any one, if it's all about "90" then after 90 we're toast. It's all about training our brains that we can do it and we can change our bad habits (and even addictions)  with the help of Hashem. 

If something seems to work for you, go for it!

Thank you so much to everybody for all the suggestions. Really, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Incredible story for everybody.
On Sunday, sitting on a streak of 34 days, the lust got so strong (especially while fasting) that I unfortunately decided to take advantage of an unfiltered device lying around. However, when I opened the browser and typed in the inappropriate address, the page read "Privacy error, please retry." 
And so I stayed clean.
Today, the EXACT same thing happened-lust got stronger, opened up the browser (not my user, so unfiltered), and it read "Privacy error" and didn't load-once again.
Don't know why this is happening, but it couldn't possibly be more obvious that Hashem is literally not letting me fall! Thank you Hashem!

Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to a lot of what you wrote in your initial post. To throw in my two cents: I was pretty sure that marriage would alleviate most of my pain, as I too just wanted a tight hug from a girl who loved me. Well guess what: I got married and got just that, BH, and I didn't even think about GYE for close to three years. But then my wife was pregnant with our second child, and she went to bed early many nights, and slowly but surely I slipped back into old habits. To be fully transparent, my struggle is more mild than most of the guys here, as I only fall with basic dvarim assurim but have never watched porn or masturbated. Even at that level of struggle, the novelty of marriage, no matter how loving the relationship is, will wear off, and that's when it no longer has the power to keep you clean. 
As an aside, there have been a few tekofos in my marriage when my wife was off limits to me for extended periods, and I felt like a bochur again. The endless struggle of being single is very, very hard, and you should never judge yourself for having these thoughts. I got a lot of chizuk from a piece in Alei Shur chalek 1 called Michtav Sheini, where he basically writes that the feeling of taavah is not only not deserving of shame, but is in fact a feeling of kedusha. It's worth a read.
Hatzlacha!

Thank you so much! Immeasurably helpful, and will look up that Alei Shur ASAP. Thanks again.

Birshusi wrote on 03 Aug 2021 18:02:

Thank you so much! Immeasurably helpful, and will look up that Alei Shur ASAP. Thanks again.

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"kosher movies" youtube etc.

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 03 Aug 2021 19:08:

I'll PM you. Anyone else who is curious should feel free to reach out. I just don't want to trigger anyone.

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IN regards to an unfiltered device... I have the same issue as you (FWF). I have a kosher phone but at home there are unfiltered devices.
a big thing that I do is taphsik shvua/neder it Helpss alot!!
you can Read how it works on this site (under tools I think)
feel free  To pm me if you'd like.
All the best keep it up!!!!!!!!!! 

30 DAYS!!!
B"H, I have been clean for all of Elul, and could never in a million years have done it without GYE. Thank you so much for everybody who's reached out; it's immeasurably helpful.
1/3 of the way there! Let's keep this going!
Wishing everyone a Kesiva Vachasima Tova and a Gut Gebensht Yohr!
FWF

Beautiful! Keep it up! What has worked for you?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 09 Sep 2021 11:18:

As embarrassed as I am to say it, it was really being in Yeshiva that helped.
Why am I embarrassed?
Because I just fell.
After 33 clean days.
Was at home for the fast, lonely and bored, the lust hit...and I fell.
So upset at myself. Really thought I could make it this time.
But if there's one thing I've learnt from HHM, Grant, etc., it's that you can't stay down after a fall, otherwise you don't get back up.
So instead of staying depressed about falling during the AYT, I'm going to prove to myself and more importantly, Hashem, that as bad as this fall was, it was a minor setback that doesn't throw me back to where I started, just serves as an obstacle to further progress, and I'm going to beat it if it's the last thing I do.
Wishing everybody here nothing but the best.
FWF

just a small point I thought id like to share.
1-relationship and love is built on giving, 2-every time you control yourself, which all of us know takes extreme emotional strength, and is like cutting out part of yourself and your own personal pleasure.
so in essence every time you control yourself your giving insane amt. to future marriage. so in other words your building your future marriage and love right now.