I think many of us live with guilt about things that we have done. On some level we feel better about feeling guilty because after all, at least we aren't happy about what we did. This has truth to it, but guilt is a misconstrued idea of teshuva and it breaks us down instead of building us. We don't succeed when we feel worthless and incapable or when our sense of self is in the garbage.

I wanted to take the opportunity to quote something from a therapist I know that found very beneficial. Maybe the thought can help others as well because it really helped me.

The truth is that Teshuva isn't about the past at all. Teshuva is about the future and ONLY the future. The fact that Teshuva erases the past is an added bonus, but the act of Teshuva is about right now wanting to come closer to Hashem and I do that through Teshuva.

This is so very important because so many of us gain our sense of self from our past and because we feel guilty, our sense of self is crushed. This is a misconstrued idea.

Our sense of self shouldn't be from our past, but from what we can do at this very moment. At this moment I have the opportunity to achieve greatness beyond description that will remain forever. THIS is what allows me to have value.

As long as we live in the past we live with the burden of the past. When we instead live in the future we can make the greatest of the moment in front of me without being tied down. Our sense of self doesn't have to be hinged on our past which can go a long way in helping us overcome our addictions and struggles.

withgdthereshope wrote on 06 Jan 2021 05:48:

This might be good advice for many (worked for me), but it's inaccurate regardin' teshuvah.

cordnoy wrote on 06 Jan 2021 14:04:

This has been discussed here before but if it works, isn't that called azivas hacheit which is the first step of teshuva (as long as the other tnaim are met afterwards)?

There is truth to what you are saying,however when it comes to teshuva I would want to hear from a Rav as opposed to a therapist.
Thank you for sharing!

In what way is it inaccurate? Teshuva is about coming close to Hashem going forward. We can do this by changing the past, but it's not about the past at all. It's about making myself greater going forward.

The past is over. The fact that Teshuva changes my past is a gift from Hashem, but the act of Teshuva is about coming closer and I can do that through Teshuva. 

withgdthereshope wrote on 06 Jan 2021 23:09:

Firstly, we cannot change the past, God can.

There are many components to teshuvah. One of them is charatah, the other is yagon. More as well. These are about the past (and yes, how to move forward, but make no mistake: wipin' your hands clean from here and on is not teshuvah, although it is a good thin' to do).

"והנה, מצות התשובה מן התורה היא עזיבת החטא בלבד..." (אגרת התשובה לבעל התניא, פרק א')