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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 4221 Views

Re: Starting Again... 04 Jan 2021 01:57 #360468

  • Hashem Help Me
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Many guys report (myself included) having preliminarily becoming "addicted" to GYE. Let me reassure you that it is relatively temporary. Yes, GYE participation sort of replaces pornography, by giving an escape bubble to enter when the day was too stressful. One enters an anonymous world with pretty constant activity - at almost every time of day due to participants from most time zones. This excites them and creates a drive to frequently check for new posts, and see how many thank you's were received. However there are differences. One - many of us do reveal our identities to others, so it enters reality. Two - most chevra are searching very much for some sort of tikun and now for the first time they are using Internet to do good - to stay clean, and help others stay clean. This drive is healthy. And three - the good news is that as exciting as GYE can get, it will simply never be able to hypnotize the viewer in the way that "other things" do. So eventually, usage normalizes to a little here and there when one has some time. All in all, it is a healthy transitioning method to move away from improper viewing.  
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting Again... 05 Jan 2021 06:58 #360593

  • Lou
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BH,doing well.
I am very happy to be on this wonderful path.However, I keep having this niggling feeling in the back of my head. Maybe I am reading through too many other threads,but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It appears everyone has a fall at around this point in the process. This is my 3rd start on here,so I am no stranger to falls but I am feeling very different this time. I feel like I really got this. But after reading a bit I doubt myself a little...

Re: Starting Again... 05 Jan 2021 07:25 #360595

  • Zedj
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I don't remember who posted it but it was something on the line:
when an urge came it was more like "I've been expecting you" rather then a random attack that overwhelms you.

Keep wary but expect urges.
Creating a 'go to' plan when they arrive is helpful.

Be well and stay stedfast!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Starting Again... 05 Jan 2021 15:11 #360606

  • Grant400
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Lou wrote on 05 Jan 2021 06:58:
BH,doing well.
I am very happy to be on this wonderful path.However, I keep having this niggling feeling in the back of my head. Maybe I am reading through too many other threads,but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It appears everyone has a fall at around this point in the process. This is my 3rd start on here,so I am no stranger to falls but I am feeling very different this time. I feel like I really got this. But after reading a bit I doubt myself a little...

Maybe that's why you're still so strong, because you are waiting for the shoe to drop.

A lot of the falls come when a person becomes complacent in his recovery, and is assured with a false sense of security, that he is safe. This leads to negligence and overestimating one's abilities to taste a little bit of lust without succumbing totally.

But you on the other hand are being proactive. By understanding that this could happen at any time, you are constantly vigilant and on top of your game.

Keep it up! Beware the shoe! But don't let it drop!

Last Edit: 05 Jan 2021 15:21 by Grant400.

Re: Starting Again... 05 Jan 2021 21:39 #360642

  • Lou
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Zedj wrote on 05 Jan 2021 07:25:
I don't remember who posted it but it was something on the line:
when an urge came it was more like "I've been expecting you" rather then a random attack that overwhelms you.

Keep wary but expect urges.
Creating a 'go to' plan when they arrive is helpful.

Be well and stay stedfast!

Thank you Zedj,
Just to clarify I didn't mean that I am not encountering any urges or temptations at this time. i am BH still human. I just meant that with Hashem's chessed I don't seem to be having major issues dealing with them.
As always,thank you for your inspiration.

Re: Starting Again... 05 Jan 2021 21:41 #360643

  • Lou
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Grant400 wrote on 05 Jan 2021 15:11:

Lou wrote on 05 Jan 2021 06:58:
BH,doing well.
I am very happy to be on this wonderful path.However, I keep having this niggling feeling in the back of my head. Maybe I am reading through too many other threads,but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It appears everyone has a fall at around this point in the process. This is my 3rd start on here,so I am no stranger to falls but I am feeling very different this time. I feel like I really got this. But after reading a bit I doubt myself a little...

Maybe that's why you're still so strong, because you are waiting for the shoe to drop.

A lot of the falls come when a person becomes complacent in his recovery, and is assured with a false sense of security, that he is safe. This leads to negligence and overestimating one's abilities to taste a little bit of lust without succumbing totally.

But you on the other hand are being proactive. By understanding that this could happen at any time, you are constantly vigilant and on top of your game.

Keep it up! Beware the shoe! But don't let it drop!


R Grant,
As always thank you for adding your clear perspective.I will be keeping my shoes on for the time being!.

Re: Starting Again... 10 Jan 2021 08:33 #360978

  • Lou
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I have been thinking...  Sorry if the following is a bit incoherent. It is just me sharing thoughts going through my mind.
I wanted to compare the issues I face with GYE related inyanim (porn,MB etc) with another issue I deal with. I am BH not obese or anything like that,however during a visit to the Doc about a year and a half ago I was told I have Type 2 Diabetes. Doc was of the opinion that I should take some low dose Meds,but not do other extreme interventions. The main thing he stressed to me was to lose weight and change my diet habits. I took this very seriously and went cold turkey on many items typically on my menu.It has been a struggle but BH at my last visit my numbers are down to below even a prediabetic level. Whats my point? I was faced with a behavior that had to change. It was detrimental to me. It was a behavior that focused on my own pleasure rather than thinking about others or Hashem..Yet it was so very enjoyable in the moment.It is readily available and many seemed to doing it. Sound familiar?? Exactly! I was thinking if I could pull this off with physical dangers for sure I can do it with the spiritual dangers. However, I do see a difference. For one, when I was doing well, my Doc told me it is fine to treat myself once in a while or if I am at a simcha etc I can choose what to give into as long as I keep a bit of a cheshbon. However,with this current issue there is no such thing as hey,well I'm doing well so you can enjoy some porn once in a while.Also,diets and health in general is something that can be shared and discussed with all. Many resources are available.Not with this.This is a big secret and also any "treat" is not allowed.
However, I think both of those facts are leading me to make bigger,deeper and more lasting changes than my food related changes. With the food as long as my numbers are ok and I am doing what I am supposed to do I am fine. With this issue,I am truly looking to change myself and not just the actual behavior(I happen to work in the field of ABA and  have some other ideas about that for a different time).
As a side point, I do notice that as I am advancing BH with my battles on GYE I am giving in to many more food cheats but I am letting that slip a bit for now.
Thank you for listening.

Re: Starting Again... 10 Jan 2021 08:44 #360979

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Sorry for back to back postings...
I started out here not really posting much at all. Then I posted on  my own threads.I have branched out and often will post in other peoples threads. The past couple of days I have been feeling maybe it's not right to post chizuk and opinions of mine in other peoples threads. This is not Lakewood scoop where my opinions are just about the current realestate prices or other naarishkeit. This is life and death inyanim. I do have some life experience under my belt but I am far from Daas Torah or an expert in the field. Maybe I will say something and a week later realize I was mistaken. Yet,someone is out there following my misguided advice. On my own thread I feel like it is more clear that I am just talking to myself so feel free to listen at your own risk,but in other peoples threads maybe it is better to wait until I know more. Or maybe not,we are in this together and all help is offered in that spirit?
Opinions?

Re: Starting Again... 10 Jan 2021 12:54 #360986

  • wilnevergiveup
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Lou wrote on 10 Jan 2021 08:44:
Sorry for back to back postings...
I started out here not really posting much at all. Then I posted on  my own threads.I have branched out and often will post in other peoples threads. The past couple of days I have been feeling maybe it's not right to post chizuk and opinions of mine in other peoples threads. This is not Lakewood scoop where my opinions are just about the current realestate prices or other naarishkeit. This is life and death inyanim. I do have some life experience under my belt but I am far from Daas Torah or an expert in the field. Maybe I will say something and a week later realize I was mistaken. Yet,someone is out there following my misguided advice. On my own thread I feel like it is more clear that I am just talking to myself so feel free to listen at your own risk,but in other peoples threads maybe it is better to wait until I know more. Or maybe not,we are in this together and all help is offered in that spirit?
Opinions?

Your posts are great! Post your feelings and post away, everyone is wrong once in a while, that's no reason not to post at all.

Keep it up!
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 12 Jan 2021 23:12 #361184

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Keep posting buddy. It's the give and take that helps clarify the truth.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting Again... 13 Jan 2021 05:45 #361214

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I find your posts to be informative, inspiring, thought provoking and full of chizuk!

So...share your heart out!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 13 Jan 2021 05:46 by Zedj.

Re: Starting Again... 17 Jan 2021 06:27 #361431

  • Lou
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Just an update that BH things are going well. Hurdles come up here and there but BH handling everything ok. For example,my daughter asked me to unblock a professional frum ladies video for her to watch. For a fleeting moment I was thinking this a great plan and totally innocent! But BH,I came to my senses quickly and told her I will unblock it for 1 hour (great feature by the way). This way she could enjoy and I just stayed away from the computer for an hour. Aside from the fact that it is assur to watch frum ladies sing and dance,(although possibly it would have been clean enough not to cause real trouble) it probably would have whet my appetite for the real bad stuff and etc etc.
So,situations like this are coming up but BH nothing major and I am feeling very strong. Thank you Hashem! It is all Chessed Hashem!

Re: Starting Again... 17 Jan 2021 06:50 #361432

  • Lou
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What I am posting here is totally my personal experience and possibly will not resonate well with others. I realize that everyone has their own unique circumstances and that includes their relationship with GYE.
GYE is starting to remind me of a Shmiras sedorim program I was in years ago. I was in a Kollel and shmiras Sedorim was getting shvach. They made a special program that you can earn a few more dollars if you are on time for x amount of days. The program worked well and got things back on track. However, when you think about it why did work? These were people with families that needed real money. Was $ 20 more a month (approximately,I don't remember the real numbers) really going to make such a difference that it was worth all the effort to be on time? The answer is no. They really wanted to be on time anyway.If so, why did they need the $20,just be on time? Because that is human nature. You can know whats right and want to do it but you just need that extra external push to get you there. I feel similarly here. At this age and stage,I generally know what is right and what is wrong.I also desperately would like to be clean with all the benefits associated with it. But it wasn't happening. On the other hand the chizuk of the forum and accountability of the charts alone really are not motivating enough for me to change. They are easily ignored and you can move on with life.(I actually did something like that years ago when someone tried to get me to come on here,but that is a story for a different time). However, if you really want to do whats right and you just need that  "kick in the pants",it works amazingly together!
Thank you Hashem! and thank you to all my friends here on GYE

Re: Starting Again... 17 Jan 2021 16:56 #361447

  • Lou
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If you have the opportunity check out the Q an A on Toras Avigdor this past Shabbos (Parshas Vaeira). Very nogeia.

Re: Starting Again... 21 Jan 2021 03:35 #361660

  • Lou
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BH past the 30 day mark.
Thank you Hashem and thank you all!
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