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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 4185 Views

Re: Starting Again... 24 Dec 2020 21:10 #359662

  • Lou
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I just want to give a quick update...
As I mentioned at the beginning of this thread,this week started with one of the worst falls I have had in a few years.BH the rest of the week has remained clean and I am back on track!(I am writing this more for myself than for anyone else) Our usual mantra is "one day at a time" and it really is usually true. However, I want to point out that this fall has brought with it hirhurim and fantasy thoughts etc that have been plaguing me since the fall. BH I don't think I will fall again for now,but I am trying to point out (to myself) that it is not a one time thing. When you fall there are long(er) term consequences that will have to be dealt with. Even if for some reason you don't care about ur Ruchniyus or ur life in general on Sunday night that doesn't give you a right to mess up the rest of your week or possibly longer!  Very possibly, a big reason why I am still clean after this fall is just due to the fact that I am older and a little less red blooded and on fire than I was in my twenties and thirties.

Re: Starting Again... 24 Dec 2020 21:12 #359664

  • YeshivaGuy
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Are you saying that ones age affects their level of taiva?

Re: Starting Again... 24 Dec 2020 21:27 #359665

  • Lou
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 21:12:
Are you saying that ones age affects their level of taiva?

yes, I do believe that is a scientific fact. However,when you are acustomed to negative behaviors it is challenging to stop even when the fire isn't burning quite as fiercely. If I remember correctly one of the Mussar seforim (maybe Orchos Tzadikim) says to do Teshuva when you are young for this reason. In order for it to be  aTeshuva shlaima it has to be that you hold back in the same scenario. However,when you are older it can not be called the same scenario,due to the lower taiva level. I hope and pray that Hashem will accept my teshuva even though it is not at that level.

Re: Starting Again... 24 Dec 2020 21:30 #359666

  • Grant400
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 21:12:
Are you saying that ones age affects their level of taiva?

Absolutely. 

Re: Starting Again... 25 Dec 2020 02:45 #359697

  • Lou
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I have been reading through various threads both old and new over the past while. Firstly,there are some real gems in the old ones specifically a thread by someone named "skeptical". I haven't read all of it yet but real good stuff.
The main thing that I noticed throughout the forums is that we all so extremely different! As much as we share a common denominator(obviously!) the details are so amazingly different. In a certain way it is frustrating as I want to identify with the people here and then I see they go and say things that are far removed from the issues I have and I realize there is a huge difference between us. On the other hand and more importantly, I am impressed by the beauty of it. We are all different but brothers united to help each other through these nisyonos and to acheive happiness in Olam hazeh and earn Olam habaah!

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 04:45 #359792

  • Hashem Help Me
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That's the beauty of the forums. Each newcomer can find some advice which is in synch with his own personality. There is no one way to get better. There are many mehalchim which bh work. Find yours and go with it b'syatta d'shmaya!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 05:20 #359795

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Lou wrote on 25 Dec 2020 02:45:
I have been reading through various threads both old and new over the past while. Firstly,there are some real gems in the old ones specifically a thread by someone named "skeptical". I haven't read all of it yet but real good stuff.
The main thing that I noticed throughout the forums is that we all so extremely different! As much as we share a common denominator(obviously!) the details are so amazingly different. In a certain way it is frustrating as I want to identify with the people here and then I see they go and say things that are far removed from the issues I have and I realize there is a huge difference between us. On the other hand and more importantly, I am impressed by the beauty of it. We are all different but brothers united to help each other through these nisyonos and to acheive happiness in Olam hazeh and earn Olam habaah!



Lou,

Your post regarding the diversity on this forum is spot on. And FYI, one of your recent posts struck a chord: There was a gantz-chashuve oilam "taaneh-ing" to daven for women who trigger lust. I accepted that cuz so many eitzos on this chat have been so on target. But something did not sit well for my personal matzav....So when you chimed in, I rethought my situation - as now another well articulated and thoughtful opinion was posted. Just a small example of great people, different mahalchim...

Stay strong, brother.

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 07:47 #359823

  • Lou
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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 27 Dec 2020 05:20:

Lou wrote on 25 Dec 2020 02:45:
I have been reading through various threads both old and new over the past while. Firstly,there are some real gems in the old ones specifically a thread by someone named "skeptical". I haven't read all of it yet but real good stuff.
The main thing that I noticed throughout the forums is that we all so extremely different! As much as we share a common denominator(obviously!) the details are so amazingly different. In a certain way it is frustrating as I want to identify with the people here and then I see they go and say things that are far removed from the issues I have and I realize there is a huge difference between us. On the other hand and more importantly, I am impressed by the beauty of it. We are all different but brothers united to help each other through these nisyonos and to acheive happiness in Olam hazeh and earn Olam habaah!



Lou,

Your post regarding the diversity on this forum is spot on. And FYI, one of your recent posts struck a chord: There was a gantz-chashuve oilam "taaneh-ing" to daven for women who trigger lust. I accepted that cuz so many eitzos on this chat have been so on target. But something did not sit well for my personal matzav....So when you chimed in, I rethought my situation - as now another well articulated and thoughtful opinion was posted. Just a small example of great people, different mahalchim...

Stay strong, brother.

Thank you very much!
You have provided much inspiration to me in many your postings as well!
I would say,regarding the Davening that since it depends so much on the details,each case is different. It may even be a different answer for the same person on a different day!
Hatzlocha!

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 17:53 #359848

  • Lou
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This posting is very embarrassing and difficult for me to write....Hi, I have been struggling with the nisyonos for many years.They come in many different forms and I think I have been involved in all of them(you name it-I did it! ok,maybe don't name it). However,I have been thinking through things and I think one particular area is the greatest Nisayon to me.Both,due to my attraction to it and because I believe the negative consequences are huge. I am referring to "chat and online relationships". This can be on the phone,online,apps all different types and stripes. This nisayon is different than the typical P and MB discussed on here. Although,generally speaking it will include both of those as well. BH,this is not currently a daily Nisayon for me. In fact it has not been a major issue for a couple of years.I have set myself up in a way that it is nearly impossible to access things like this. However, I recently had a huge nefillah in this area. This brought to mind that I really still need to work on it. Actually,I feel like the best time to work on it is when it is not an active nisayon for me. In this way I can logically work it through and try to set myself up for success. I think logically,I totally get it and I can convince anyone else why this nisayon makes no sense. However,bringing it lmaaseh is the challenge.
Firstly, Does anyone identify with me on this nisayon or am I the only crazy one? Secondly and more importantly,has anyone worked on this? Any ideas or tips?
Thank you so much,my dear friends

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 17:57 #359850

  • Grant400
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Lou wrote on 27 Dec 2020 17:53:
This posting is very embarrassing and difficult for me to write....Hi, I have been struggling with the nisyonos for many years.They come in many different forms and I think I have been involved in all of them(you name it-I did it! ok,maybe don't name it). However,I have been thinking through things and I think one particular area is the greatest Nisayon to me.Both,due to my attraction to it and because I believe the negative consequences are huge. I am referring to "chat and online relationships". This can be on the phone,online,apps all different types and stripes. This nisayon is different than the typical P and MB discussed on here. Although,generally speaking it will include both of those as well. BH,this is not currently a daily Nisayon for me. In fact it has not been a major issue for a couple of years.I have set myself up in a way that it is nearly impossible to access things like this. However, I recently had a huge nefillah in this area. This brought to mind that I really still need to work on it. Actually,I feel like the best time to work on it is when it is not an active nisayon for me. In this way I can logically work it through and try to set myself up for success. I think logically,I totally get it and I can convince anyone else why this nisayon makes no sense. However,bringing it lmaaseh is the challenge.
Firstly, Does anyone identify with me on this nisayon or am I the only crazy one? Secondly and more importantly,has anyone worked on this? Any ideas or tips?
Thank you so much,my dear friends

Lust is lust is lust. IMHO it makes no difference which avenue it chooses.

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 18:10 #359852

  • Lou
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There is definitely truth to that. However,there are specific challenges in this area. i would be curious to hear from others faced with this challenge.
Thanks

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 18:48 #359855

  • YeshivaGuy
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Lou wrote on 27 Dec 2020 18:10:
There is definitely truth to that. However,there are specific challenges in this area. i would be curious to hear from others faced with this challenge.
Thanks

Yup! Me, that’s my “go to” when I have access, or if I trick someone to unlock the App Store.
Hookup apps, dating apps etc etc............

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 22:34 #359876

  • Lou
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 27 Dec 2020 18:48:

Lou wrote on 27 Dec 2020 18:10:
There is definitely truth to that. However,there are specific challenges in this area. i would be curious to hear from others faced with this challenge.
Thanks

Yup! Me, that’s my “go to” when I have access, or if I trick someone to unlock the App Store.
Hookup apps, dating apps etc etc............

Thank you
My issues probably predate the prevalence of the APP store,but that is the general idea. In my case,there was never any intention whatsoever to actually meet anyone at all. Kinda like a fantasy,I guess. Also many on these sites,apps,phonelines etc are just there for the chat.
As a side note, sadly enough I did come across many who do meet up with each other and that is a whole different level.Though I am sure they could get chizuk here too!

Re: Starting Again... 27 Dec 2020 23:48 #359883

  • YeshivaGuy
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Yup same here, for fantasy.
There was actually a girl who mamash wanted to hookup, lived only 30min away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that...
that was before I was zoche to join the chevra here at GYE

Re: Starting Again... 28 Dec 2020 00:07 #359886

  • mggsbms
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Grant400 wrote on 27 Dec 2020 17:57:

Lou wrote on 27 Dec 2020 17:53:
This posting is very embarrassing and difficult for me to write....Hi, I have been struggling with the nisyonos for many years.They come in many different forms and I think I have been involved in all of them(you name it-I did it! ok,maybe don't name it). However,I have been thinking through things and I think one particular area is the greatest Nisayon to me.Both,due to my attraction to it and because I believe the negative consequences are huge. I am referring to "chat and online relationships". This can be on the phone,online,apps all different types and stripes. This nisayon is different than the typical P and MB discussed on here. Although,generally speaking it will include both of those as well. BH,this is not currently a daily Nisayon for me. In fact it has not been a major issue for a couple of years.I have set myself up in a way that it is nearly impossible to access things like this. However, I recently had a huge nefillah in this area. This brought to mind that I really still need to work on it. Actually,I feel like the best time to work on it is when it is not an active nisayon for me. In this way I can logically work it through and try to set myself up for success. I think logically,I totally get it and I can convince anyone else why this nisayon makes no sense. However,bringing it lmaaseh is the challenge.
Firstly, Does anyone identify with me on this nisayon or am I the only crazy one? Secondly and more importantly,has anyone worked on this? Any ideas or tips?
Thank you so much,my dear friends

Lust is lust is lust. IMHO it makes no difference which avenue it chooses.

The emotional connection is definitely more of a factor with online chatting etc. I also find this to be more of a betrayal to ones spouse, as well as it doing great damage to the sanctity of marriage and to the truthful loving relationship required. I have struggled with this to some degree, the thing that has and is keeping me back is a foolproof filter, not being able to access any of it.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
Last Edit: 28 Dec 2020 00:09 by mggsbms.
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