I just had a fall.

I realize that I want to be lusted after. I want someone to take pleasure in my body. I want someone to long for me as I long for others.

To this end I went to a live chat room where the performer can see me masturbate.

After I was hoitza'ah zera I of course I felt so stupid.

I couldn't fight off the urge any longer. I just sort of gave up and gave in to my need to be seen and admired.

My wife told me that women don't long for and lust after men the way that men do after women. I told her that some women do lust. And she said that in truth she couldn't speak for all women, but that she didn't.

Sometimes I am left all alone to have to contend with my yetzer hara to be longed for.

7Yipol90vKum wrote on 07 Dec 2020 17:17:

1. I agree with your wife. Women lusting like tigers is generally a Hollywood portrayal because of what men want to see. Women can have an attraction, but usually no "I need this " like we feel. Just my opinion. 

2. Do you think this is a lust issue, or a self worth/ self confidence issue?

why do you go into a chat room. you have to pay for that. do it with your wife. its for free

7Yipol90vKum wrote on 07 Dec 2020 17:17:

Is the feeling really that simple? You long to be lusted for? You long for people to list after your body? Or is there something deeper?

For example maybe really your seeking validation? That just one option. 

Any thoughts?

Nu? Where did u go man?
We’re a family. Come back and join us.
Together, nothing can stop us!

Gut Chanuka!

YeshivaGuy

I could not agree more with YeshivaGuy.

We are there for you.

Perhaps the chashivus that we give you will nullify your urge for empty validation.

​You are a tzadik gamur (see kidushin 49b) and we totally believe in you, brother.