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Mental Health and Marriage
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Mental Health and Marriage 5543 Views

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 01:54 #366746

  • Sapy
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I'm starting off with a lechaim for the shidduch... I'm seriously happy for you! 
L'chaim!
P.S. I'm always in for l'chaims, just send in any darn reason I'll be there.... 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 02:07 #366747

  • HappyYid
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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 13 Apr 2021 01:03:
...Honestly, for some reason, I love getting posts and views on my thread. It feels amazing to know that people are following my journey. So let's use that Yetzer Hara for the good. I'm going to make on effort to post my struggles, as well as my successes and wins on the forum. I'm asking you guys to make a big deal. Make some noise. Drink a L'chaim. And keep those posts coming in! Thank you everyone!

I think we all like that too lol

Mazal tov!
May you build a bayis neeman byisroel and have a good healthy marriage!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 02:46 #366749

  • Lou
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Mazal Tov! That is great news. Looking forward to hearing continued good news from you

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 03:34 #366752

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Mazel Tov!!!!! 
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 04:15 #366753

  • Hakolhevel
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Mazal Tov! I've been following your thread since the beginning and I'm sincerely happy for you!

L'Chaim!
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 05:10 #366757

  • Ish MiGrodno
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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 13 Apr 2021 01:03:
It is amazing to be engaged, and I'm so grateful to be at this stage in life, but there are many challenges for me on a very personal level. I was always terrified of getting married. My mind would always jump to the worst case scenario of what could happen. These fears coupled with having a girl in my life have made it very hard to stay clean. I had a long conversation with the Holy and Exalted Ish MiGrodno and he told me that marriage is an exercise in discipline. It seems that being a good husband and being there for your wife even during times when she is forbidden is not so simple. He then hurled some tough accusations at me. "You're not trying hard enough. You're not serious about changing. You have a defeatist attitude." Ouch. I appreciate his honesty though, and I know that he's doing this for my own good. He asked me to harness the power of GYE by posting and asking for feedback from the boys. So here goes. Ultimately, I would like to stay clean until my wedding. But to start off, I'm going to make a mini-goal of staying clean until Thursday. Honestly, for some reason, I love getting posts and views on my thread. It feels amazing to know that people are following my journey. So let's use that Yetzer Hara for the good. I'm going to make on effort to post my struggles, as well as my successes and wins on the forum. I'm asking you guys to make a big deal. Make some noise. Drink a L'chaim. And keep those posts coming in! Thank you everyone!

My Dear Friend,

I was harsh with you because I believe that you are mamash off-the-charts awesome. (Had I given up, I would have played softball with you)

And YOU are the one that is holy and exalted, as demonstrated by your most recent streak - which blows me away. I truly don't know how on earth you are staying clean given your tough challenges. But I believe that continuing to post here often (to keep us updated regarding your status) will provide you with the push / incentive to keep the momentum going.

​We love you, brother.

Seriously rooting (and drinking) from Grodno ~ IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 11:32 #366763

  • Hashem Help Me
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Mazel tov tzaddik!! You are an awesome inspiration for the chevra. Keep it up and may Hashem shower you and the kallah with loads of bracha!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 18:31 #366772

Thank you all for your amazing Brachos. Just letting everyone know that I was clean last night. I didn't even touch.

I was walking today in a busy Jewish shopping area and I noticed my eyes tracking every somewhat attractive female that I passed. I thought that after getting engaged to someone that I find is beautiful the Taavah would get easier. קמ"ל. But this is something all you married guys have been saying for centuries. It's just interesting to experience it firsthand. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 19:48 #366777

  • Changing
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Your are a true inspiration and I'm so happy for you! Mazal Tov, Mazal Tov!  May you be zoiche to build a Bayis Neeman Byisrael with only brochos and happy things!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 Apr 2021 18:21 #366823

  • Onceandforall
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Mazel Tov !!

read through your thread- very inspiring! I too am a chosson (after many many years of dating) and wanted to send/receive some chizzuk. BH I am clean over 100 days of not seeing any P (nor watching any media that is remotely triggering) and more recently clean of M for 30 days and counting. 

My request is that we both daven for each other especially during the time of any urges and while we overcome them! This way we can both proudly walk to the chuppah knowing that our kallahs are getting the amazing guys that we both know we are and also so that while we dance down here, He is celebrating in shmayim in ways we can only dream of. 

mazel Tov 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 14 Apr 2021 21:49 #366834

Mazal tov hy613!

I have been dealing with this problem for around 10 years, and in the last few months have started therapy and attending 12 step group meetings.

I'm currently not dating, in large part due to my addiction. When I have a longer length of sobriety, I will (hopefully) resume dating, after consulting with daas torah and my therapist, etc. This is my choice for me, not saying anyone else should or shouldn't do this.

My question for you is: Did you disclose your "GYE-related problem" to your kallah? If so, at what stage of the process did you do so? And finally, if you did disclose, how did you go about doing that, and do you have any advice for others about how to go about doing that?

If you didn't, may I ask why not? I'm not looking to judge, I am looking for perspectives other than my own.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 15 Apr 2021 00:22 #366843

  • Hakolhevel
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ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 14 Apr 2021 21:49:
Mazal tov hy613!

I have been dealing with this problem for around 10 years, and in the last few months have started therapy and attending 12 step group meetings.

I'm currently not dating, in large part due to my addiction. When I have a longer length of sobriety, I will (hopefully) resume dating, after consulting with daas torah and my therapist, etc. This is my choice for me, not saying anyone else should or shouldn't do this.

My question for you is: Did you disclose your "GYE-related problem" to your kallah? If so, at what stage of the process did you do so? And finally, if you did disclose, how did you go about doing that, and do you have any advice for others about how to go about doing that?

If you didn't, may I ask why not? I'm not looking to judge, I am looking for perspectives other than my own.

Welcome IHSBNIF to gye!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 15 Apr 2021 04:24 #366852

  • Shower640am
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What do you media that is remotely triggering?

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 20 Apr 2021 19:14 #367174

Hey Chevra. Thanks for all of your feedback. It really helps me out. I just had a one week streak Baruch Hashem. Then on Motzai Shabbos I had a ton of anxiety about marriage. I totally lost my motivation to fight and I fell three times in twenty four hours. I was supposed to go out with my Kallah the next day and I felt horrible about seeing her in such a state. I spoke to a Rebbi who helped me get into a good mindset, and Baruch Hashem our date went well. I'm back on track and I'm ready to punch back.

Someone asked how to disclose this information. My personal GYE struggle is mainly masturbation. I did have a struggle with Internet several months ago but it was never out of control. These were not things I shared on dates. I think that everyone should consult with a Rebbi on what to disclose, because everyone's struggle is different. I did have to tell her about my family, anxiety, therapy and medication though. I was advised to not make it a dramatic event, rather to discuss it nonchalantly but confidently. She was impressed by how upfront and transparent I was, and by the maturity displayed in confronting and discussing these issues. I think the same would apply to any serious disclosure of any nature.
Last Edit: 21 Apr 2021 19:27 by hashemyeracheim613.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 20 Apr 2021 19:55 #367177

Thank you for your candid response. I agree, everyone should consult with a Rebbi, or at the very least another trusted person, on what to disclose. Everyone's situation is different, even if many of the areas in which we struggle are similar.

Mazal tov and all the best!
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