I really don't have the energy.. I'm feeling so agitated.. tried looking at porn now but it's not exciting me. If only I had a delete button I'd press it. 

Yasher Koach, that takes courage to write.
We all get into ruts and they're really tough. Try doing something Kosher you really enjoy. Pamper yourself today, you deserve it.
The fact that you are here and posting shows Hashem that you don't want to do this and I imagine He is very proud of you.

We all know the feeling, whether it's plain out anxiety and we just want to escape BUT THERE IS NONE, or its that I've been struggling so long so what's the the point.... They both stink. Are you new to GYE, if you are maybe take a look around and see what works for you, move around the forum a but, read some articles, see what you connect with... Sounds like you really need some good old fashioned Chizuk... The daily boost is a great source for that. 

I think in reality, even though we may want and think that pushing the delete button will solve everything, it's really to our benefit that there is no such option. If it was, I would have pushed it many times by now, and I guess would be able to be responding to you now. It's through those lows that we live and we learn through that get us to our long term goal which is lasting freedom. But this is a slow process.  
Ask yourself, am I really committed, have I given all I got? If not... Then lets do this... WE GOT YOUR BACK AND WONT LET YOU FALL. For now learn from your mistakes, add something new... But most importantly... KEEP POSTING... make sure someone (that someone can be us) knows how you are feeling... It takes 2 to break out of jail. 

Were here for you, and don't ever forget that. if you have any qiestions ASK THEM... You need it, and we need it too.  

Have be a great day... And celebrate day one!! That's big stuff to recommit and open up:wink:

farblunjet wrote on 19 May 2020 08:18:

You mean to delete the porn?

Yes! It gets to a point that the porn doesn't excite you. All the sites are the same, they all promise the same thing. It's an insanity to go back to it again and again and expect that "magical" video to fix us up once and for all. Like, surely I haven 't found the PERFECT one yet, the one that checks all the boxes in my mind for perfection. Aso, another website with another 6 000 000 videos and so many categories! Surely it's in there. I just need to be patient and persistent like a gold miner in central USA, Just gotta tap, tap tap it. I'm gonna strike the jackpot soon!

Bad news, the gold's a lie, 600000000 videos are never enough, and the goalposts keep narrowing as we get sicker in this, it's gonna take a lot more craziness to get where I want to be.

Singularity wrote on 20 May 2020 03:47:

Great post.

Dov says sometimes we act out just to stop searching 

I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time. 

I've been there before, and it sucks. But thankfully I'm in a much better place now, and I am 1 billion percent positive that you will be there, too. It might take time, but you'll get there. 

I am in no way a therapist whatsoever, but you might want to consider seeing one. Therapy has saved and changed the lives of millions of people, and I'm one of them. 

If you want, keep it a secret. Don't tell anyone about it. 

But if you need to tell someone, just know that if you're sincere, most people will be supportive and understand, even if they don't seem like the type. And if they don't understand, it's for the best and you'll be fine despite that. 

This struggle with porn sucks. But it won't last forever. You will improve on this, I promise you. And it will be so damn worth it. I promise you. 

Remember this post of yours. I hope one day you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come.