Hey everyone :-) I've found that most often, my road to a total messup is when I allow bad thoughts to dwell around in my mind. Whether in bed, while walking, or even in middle of reading something- the question always is- how can I get this annoying pest out of my head?! Most people just offer a solution: "Push the thought away!", although that's easier said than done..
Any advice? Thanks :-)

Hey, welcome

In the language of gye - us strugglers, addicts whatever your challenge - it sounds what i have been suffering with - most of my life including today we call it "lusting". But have no fear - your in a good place. The oilam is here to help.

Oichila LoKeil wrote on 16 Jul 2018 21:12:

Pushing the thought away might work for some people. It doesn't work for me. It depends on what the thought is doing there.

Can you give me an example?

1. You are always thinking about something. And you can only think about one thing at a time. 

2. You can’t stop thinking about something by telling yourself not to think about it. Because if you’re thinking about not thinking about it, you’re still thinking about it. 

3. Therefore the only way to stop thinking about something is to think about SOMETHING ELSE. 

Excellent! U are well versed in Likutei Moharan! What if the bad thoughts are drowning out all other thoughts?? Your advice won't be able to make it now..

Oichila LoKeil wrote on 17 Jul 2018 01:45:

I have noticed that there are certain activities that do turn off "background" thinking in the brain. One of them is playing certain videogames. Basically the brain can't concentrate on both the game and the s** thoughts at the same time. I noticed this while playing Real Racing 2 (which is available for both iOS and Android.)

Learning Gemara with Tosfos works great.

mzl wrote on 17 Jul 2018 03:19:

Im not saying this is true by everyone but for me playing video games was just a differant place to escape to from real life without any positive results - again this may not be true of EVERYone

Oichila, welcome to a great place. You have already witnessed how many people here care and share advice/chizuk. Everyone has his own distractions. For me, exercise was the best, especially if while exercising I watch or listen to something of interest. Usually it kills that irresistible urge. Eventually by hanging around here you will pick up many ideas from various people and will iyh develop a tailor made mehalech which helps you stay clean. Another point. We all get these thoughts from time to time. For fear of triggering anyone here I will not share on the forum the graphic details of a recent urge and image which my imagination conjured up a little while ago while I was spacing out. What I will share is that when I realized what I was thinking about, I said to myself, "I am an imperfect human who will get these thoughts from time to time.  I am forbidden from acting out so I wont b'ezras Hashem. I also am mechuyav to head away from this thought". By not panicking or getting hysterical; by being practical and level headed I BH slowly moved away from the thought. Before GYE I never would have lasted five minutes. Since GYE the nisayon BH is gone way before five minutes have passed.

i-man wrote on 17 Jul 2018 03:36:

I think there is some truth to that. But I used the video games to destroy the desire for the long term. It wasn't like getting away temporarily, but rather like going for surgery.

I hope this doesn't sound too "frum" but I used to be addicted to computer games (even once finishing a game in one 13 hour sitting). It seems to me like an escape from reality and as such even if one plays games his whole life its not a solution to living life without lust. Its just replacing one fantasy with another. With that said it seems to me like an imaginary surgery rather than a true one assuming that I understood you correctly.

Oichila - First of all congratulations on making it here to gye. Your story sounds similar to mine in that I have been getting better for the past 2 years although not quite there yet so I came here. To respond to your question of advice of having bad thoughts I think that everyone's advice is definitely solid. Keep in mind that it takes time to build yourself up. It might be frustrating that you can't seem to control your thoughts but with time you'll get better at it. As long as you stay connected with others that went through this and are still going through it to a certain extent (which is what all the sober guys keep mentioning) you'll be successful. Its kind of a roundabout way of answering the question but I'm thinking long term. Hashem should give you tons of strength and hatzlacha in your struggle!

I'm plenty frum and I came upon video games as a way to disprove the delusion that I have no choice but to think about s**. I basically only use them for this purpose. When I want to have fun or relax I read the news.

I didn't mean to say that you aren't frum enough, I apologize if it came out that way. I thought you meant that you games as a permanent solution rather than as a diversionary tactic. Even if that's the case it wouldn't work for me and as i-man wrote its probably not the truth for everyone. I feel like we're hijacking Oichila's thread

Oichila LoKeil wrote on 16 Jul 2018 21:12:

Physical exercise works for me. I do the 11 minute workout. You can Google it, and download a free pamphlet that describes it in detail.
Another thing, learn a few perakim of tehilim with the meforshim (Rashi, Metzuos, Ralbag, Radak, Malbim etc.) to uncover the layers of mening contained in the Pesukim. Then, when bad thoughts come, say these perakim to yourself. It will be a different world then saying the perek before knowing what the words actually mean. One example. The posuk נפשי לה' משומרים לבוקר שומרים לבוקר. Translated, My soul [yearns to come close to] Hashem, more than the night watchman waits for the morning to come. Imagine, a soldier high up in the ramparts of the castle. Slowly plodding along the walls of the castle, looking outward for enemies. It is dark, cold, and scary. The only light is that of the torch he has in his hand, hardly enough to illuminate the shadows a few yards away.  Hour after hour he makes his rounds with his little torch. Every shadow over the walls could be an enemy waiting to get in, or it could be a tree. He does his best to see what he can in the gloom, but he can't really tell. He REALLY wants the morning to come! Then he can see everything. He can descend from the walls and relax. There is nothing to be scared of. More than that lonely soldier wants the morning to come, Dovid Hamelech wants to come close to Hashem! And just like the soldier knows, that the morning will come, Dovid knows that his goals are obtainable.
I heard this explanation close to 20 years ago, yet every time I read that Posuk I am still inspired. If we knew what we were saying, Tehilim will have much more meaning. Saying a meaningful perek of tehilim can drive away lustful thoughts.
Hatzlachah!