I find it difficult to control myself from fantasizing throughout the day. I daydream about what certain women would be like, and wonder about whether or not they're secretly interested in me (in my mind, of course, they always are).

At times like this, I either change the subject in my mind, or, if I can't do that, I focus on my wife. I remember how wonderful and beautiful she is, and I think about her. I remind myself that even if the other women I'm thinking about would live up to my fantasies, they're still not as wonderful as my wife is.

That sounds like a great response to me! Why do find yourself daydreaming a lot though, is there spare time you could fill with a shiur or something like that?

No spare time - far from it. More like being overloaded.

As an aside, if you could check out the balei battim's thread, i posted something over there, and could use some input.

Thanks.

Friend of mine mentioned this quote to me, and I like it. Maybe somebody else here will get something out of it, too (even though it's from "Rocky")

...But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life. Don't forget to visit your mother.

Thank you everyone - I need to write a longer reply, but that'll have to wait for another time.

Dov - just wanted to mention that I know that for the steps to work, you have to do more than read them; but I think i need to start by reading them, and that takes time that I currently simply do not have. I don't even read a book in the bathroom anymore, I take a textbook in and study!

Well just read the actual steps themselves and work from there. Each is one stinking line, that's all. Not too bad. Make it a bookmark and work it between tests....

Fluuuuuuusssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, what relief.

(don't knwo what that was.  :o :-[ ??? !)

Oh, man. Things are not going well. I think it's a combination of stress in general, some relationship issues, frustration...lack of ability to appreciate the good things in life? To focus on all the hugs hashem is giving me (and he does give me lots, I don't deny that!)...

But no matter what the causes, the fact is that I'm slipping, and dangerously so.

I need to make some serious changes, so here's my plan, out loud. I'm going to work on posting regularly. I need to get connected, even if the news I have to share isn't good, even if I repeat the same old stuff every day. I need to show up.

And i'm going to download the steps, and whatever AA books i can, and load 'em onto my kindle, so they're available, at least.

Any other suggestions?

If you identify that things are not going well, that you are in a rut, and that your relationships are a part of the issue, then...

it seems simple that what you need most is to make your relationships more real, more healthy, more open, and more honest. Like you write, you need to connect, cuz you are suffereing from misconnection and disconnection.

Then why just "post more" on a virtual forum? Why "show up" more here - only virtually? That is not showing up, and that is not really connecting.

Sure, for those who never did it before and live in the shadows, being open and honest in a virtual relationship is electric - powerful - real. And it helps them.

But you? If it is not working, then why chalk it up to "not posting enough"? Why not get a bit suspicious of the entire venue? It's weak, face it.

I am not saying you should go to meetings, nor that you should do anything. But I am suggesting that you find real people to talk to on the phone on a regular basis, real people to meet with on a regular basis, and real people to tell the truth to face to face. There are surely one or two guys here on GYE with whom you can meet once this week and then maybe once every week thereafter if it goes well, no? Doesn't everybody want to get better? Or does everyone really just want to find their 'recovery comfort zone' and then remain in that same pidgeon-hole at all costs?

The problem is that I need to connect right now. And right now, the simple fact is that, like I've said, I barely have  time in my schedule to meet myself, let alone other people. Seriously, I wouldn't even have the time to go meet anyone, let alone actually spend any time with them.

And the fact is that if I was posting here somewhat regularly, then I'd say yeah, this isn't working. The problem is that I pretty much stopped. And I agree that the more real, the better. But also that I'll take what i can get.

As for on the phone...Not sure what the story is with the people i used to be in touch with.

Anybody want to be in touch via phone? Or, if you live in the NY area, maybe meet sometime in the quasi-near future?

You don't have time for a 5 minute (or even 1 minute) phone conversation a few times a week?!  I started calling a few people on my way home from work on Friday just to say good shabbos. It can be a 10 minute call or a 30 second call, but it keeps up those important relationships.  Relationships are the most important ingredient to recovery IMHO.

You're right. I just feel so drained, but you're absolutely correct, i need to connect. Want to be in touch by phone? You can PM me your number.

I think the biggest problem is that the stress and worry makes me panic. That makes me want to reach out for comfort, especially if I convince myself that I'm not getting enough comfort at home.

Just popped in on the spur of the moment, for a quick 'hello' and 'Im with you'.

SB, the guys are right; pick up the phone and talk to real people. I think that just releasing the days pressure before going home, can help a lot.
And when you can fit in real visits with friends, DO IT!

Wishes for a triple R shabbos:
Ruchnius
Relaxing
Rejuvenating

mom 7up

Thank you. You're right.

I barely have time to talk on the phone during my commute at this point! I'm going to try, though.

In the meantime, I just need to remember that it's only panic that's doing this to me, and it doesn't have to control my life. And I need to try to at least not make too many mistakes.

Chabibi. Are you cured? I'm not. If I were, then I'd be shocked that I still need the steps, help, and G-d - just to have a manageable life. My life is still unmanageable by me! Is yours?

From what you are writing here, it sounds like we are in the same boat...taking on a bit of water....

For me to deal with life, I apparently must live by the 12th step - "and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

Hatzlocha, Sifu!!