hi i would recommend a sefer they should have it in english as well its rav shimshon pincus's shmuessen called (in hebrew) Nefesh Shimshon on shabbos
it will change your shabbos entirely (*money back guarantee)
also i recently started davening in a very vareme minyan long kabalas shabbos that helped tons

*if used properly conditions apply

mikestruggling wrote on 22 May 2017 19:07:

wow, thanks for your input, I appreciate you support.
I will check out that sefer.
and I do daven In a great shil, very vareme minyan, by me, until this week, everything goes smooth, great minyan, beutyfull shabbes table, enjoying the kids, until getting in bed, there it starts and ends, last shabbes was different for a change, no struggles at all, no lust. I loved that.
will keep you posted, next week.

I find myself very jittery on Shabbos which brings on the urge very powerfully. Haven't really figured out what causes it. Some ideas, but they just don't add up. I have had relations with my wife on Shabbos day a few times. Although I know there are strong mekoros that its okay if done b'tznius (and some rabbonim advise it l'chatchila being that both are well rested, calm, and able to bond better emotionally), it made me feel horrible. All in all, Shabbos for me is tough (despite it being beautiful in so many other areas).

Hashem Help Me wrote on 23 May 2017 02:13:

i can fully relate to your problem, I'm might have the most beautiful shabbes, but when I go to bed, everything switches over to one thing, its called LUST, and the reason by me is, because I'm getting lusty when I'm relaxed and being alone, and I can fantasize without being interrupted, and shabbes, is such a nice relaxing time, that I don't have any reason why not to be lusty,
but somehow the past shabbes, I was clean, I didn't had any lust, I was so thankful to hashem Moitse shabbes, I was overjoyed,
basically, I have to be very conscious the entire shabbes, and to focus not to focus on what I used to focus.......
have a great and clean day..

A Good Chodesh all Chavierim,

Today its Friday again!!! And tomorrow is Shabbes, I’m scared it should pass בשלום I don’t know why I’m so afraid, I’m 6 weeks clean, but that’s what it is.. it’s my toughest day of the week,

I sew somewhere, that this shabbes, a shabbes before shviois, is a very big one, the אורות and הכנות which was at that shabbes before קבלת תורה 3000 yar ago, are coming down again, the Torah is ,נצחיות so this shabbes we can prepare ourselves the same way the yidden prepared them self before קבלת ,התורה can you imagine how it looked like at that time? it was major, we became at that time בנים למקום he became at that time as out father, והייתם לי סגולה it was major, and shabbes comes down ALL  קדושה & השפעה & פרנסה of the entire week, and that’s what happened at that time, and the same thing is happening this shabbes, in 2017, we need to prepare our self’s to pray and to demand from hashem he should send us קדושה & השפעה & פרנסה and not to hold it back from us, only demanding more and more and more. I just can’t wait.

Ill keep you all posted after Shabbes how my weekend was.

Have a great, clean, sober enjoyable and מוצלח'דיגע  day.

Stay clean, stay strong

I heard in a shiur from R' Fishel Schachter (sorry I don't remember who he quoted it from) that the Shabbos before Pesach is Shabbos Hagodol, the Shabbos before Sukkos is Shabbos Shuva, and the Shabbos before Shavuos is called Shabbos Derech Eretz.
We don't have special tefillos, or different krias hatorah or anything else different because derech eretz has to come from you. 
Hope I'm relaying it accurately.

I'm also mentally preparing to make this week special, a Shabbos of kedusha. I will have you in mind and hope you will have me in mind, so we are both doing it for each other.

eslaasos wrote on 26 May 2017 15:28:

It is a defect in me and probably a serious one that I resent every time you use the word kedushah.

AgainAgain, to repeatrepeat, this is written for me.

Would you like to share why? It doesn't have to be on the forum, or at all if that's your preference.

Alternatively I can try the desensitization approach by setting up an automatic email on the hour to ping you with the "K" word. 

eslaasos wrote on 26 May 2017 15:46:

It is a defect with me.

IfIf I would use the word, I would be foolin' myself into thinkin' that I was really comin' closer to God.

As I am a moderator on this site, if I would write that I think others are foolin' themselves and are full of BAD WORD REMOVED when they write that and other type of things, it would create an uproar. Do I think like that? Email me. Do other (moderators) also say or feel like that? Email them. Some of them may have even posted once or twice on the forum regardin' this.

Regardless, my feelings of others are irrelevant. It is what I feel about myself. I have readily said over and over that I don't really know God. I have said lately that I'd like to begin a relationship with Him. By the fact that I have been in recovery for four years, does that make me a kadosh, or feel kedushah? Nope. Would I like to? I don't know. Do I think you feel it? Could be; I have no idea. 

But as a lustaholic who has no idea what kedushah is, and one who is workin' on recovery, I resent the term, but that is my problem, not yours. I am simply sharin' my thoughts for my benefit, for I am a selfish prick.

eslaasos wrote on 26 May 2017 15:28:

that's a good one, I like it very much!
ill have you in mind, iy"h
Thank You

cordnoy wrote on 26 May 2017 15:58:

Thanks for the elaboration.
You know me; I'm a simple guy. To me it's potato-potahto. Some call it serenity, some call it recovery, some call it returning to God. As someone drummed into me, the main thing is what I'm doing, not what I'm thinking, and methinks that includes what name I give it.

I completely agree with you that:-
A. I have absolutely no idea what G-d thinks of me, and no idea if I feel kedusha. I tend to doubt it.
B. I have absolutely no ability to gauge whether I am fooling myself.

However, I have been told, and am OK with:-
C. Even if I don't have a relationship with Him, He has one with me
D. He hates immorality, and desires any separation from immorality

I am less positive but am inclined to add:-
E. This is true even if my motivation is (partially?) self-aggrandization which is something else He hates.

I don't know how to begin a relationship with Him, or even what is motivating me to do so, so at the end of the day, if I do want to go in that direction (which I think we both do), all I can do is take the steps of acting the way He tells us to.
So maybe using the term kedusha is inappropriate and pretentious. Certainly if the term bothers you I will try to avoid using it.

Please do not avoid it.

I specifically said that this is my issue, not yours.

Thank you.
I wrote another long post that I mistakenly erased. Maybe better that way.
We can continue off-camera if you want.

For all those davening for a clean Shabbos please have me in mind too!  Its my hardest day. And 2 days yom tov coming too. (I remember acting out Shavuos morning after vasikin..... and then again when i took a nap later in the day....   and then again.......)      I do have everyone in mind when i say those 2 kapitlech every day so please think of me. Most appreciated.

cordnoy wrote on 26 May 2017 15:58:

Someone is knocking!! 
what's bad of talking of good stuff when you are not there, and you dont know what it is? 
מתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה..