thatslife wrote on 24 Jan 2017 13:42:

I think there are a few already.

I can only afford 1 karma. Come see me in a few hours !!

I would like to share with you my personal experience with telling my parents.

I told my parents recently the trouble I am going through in my marriage due to acting out, and my history of acting out. Granted it was after I had been clean for a year. Also, the agenda was more for them to understand my wife and appreciate her, rather then to help me.

But, it did a lot for me to be open with them. They were very understanding and supportive. I questioned whether they would be, being that they are both older and without experience/previous knowledge of this issue. Turned out they were amazingly respectful to my issues.

The one serious difficulty they had was living with the fact that I developed this addictive behavior under their noses. They were filled with guilt that they didn't realize what I was going through all these years. They expressed remorse at not knowing about it earlier and not being to able to help me in the earlier stages of development.

Does this mean that your parents will respond with understanding and be supportive, I got no clue. However, their being told now offers them a chance to fight with you and for you to have a support system.

How I wish in hindsight I would have told my parents earlier in life. Nunu. No guaranteeing it would have helped me then.

Regardless of whether you tell them or not, Hatzlacha in your recovery.

please don't take offense but your story is completely unlike mine. first of all i am not clean for a year, so telling my parents now is completely different. and i'm still a bochur in yeshiva, so that's a whole different ballgame. thanks anyway, and thanks for the support.

Singularity wrote on 24 Jan 2017 14:49:

thanks for the karma. btw can someone explain me this whole karma thingy? i totally don't get it:flushed:

regarding the stories; where can i find them??

thatslife wrote on 25 Jan 2017 19:06:

No offense taken.

You gotta do what you think will be best for you and not what anyone else thinks you should do. You know your situation best.

Hatzlacha!

So, you asked this question a week ago.

WhatI are you gonna do? Tell yourI dad? Someone in yeshiva? Suffer in silence? The suspense is killin' us.

thatslife wrote on 25 Jan 2017 19:10:

The GYE Story Section! Have fun patting yourself on your back that you're not as bad as these guys.... YET!!!
DUN DUN DUN....

No, BH you caught yourself early. Keep building on it. But it's sobering to see how thorough this disease wants to eradicate all worth in your life.

Read the one about the guy and the siyum on Bava Kama. I was like, "HA! I actually did those last few daf! I only acted out afterwards!!!"

You'll get it when you read it.

Karma? It's a good indication of if you help people and are generally nice to talk to. It's a quality standard on posts. But really nobody knows for sure.

And yeah. You're a bochur! You've got much less to lose! Well, except reputation and the chances for a shidduch. So tread wisely. However, brutal honesty might have more far-reaching influence in the heavenly spheres. 

cordnoy wrote on 25 Jan 2017 23:05:

i haven't decided yet being that i live in the US and i am currently learning in israel. i really dont know, i keep on having this feeling that i can weather this myself for some reason. now your all gonna say that i can't, so please tell me why.

If it was the isolation, loneliness and need for connection that created the situation then it might not be wisest to 'weather' it alone.

thatslife wrote on 26 Jan 2017 16:52:

No problem.

ThereI are people in Israel to tell as well.

Let us know please.

Israel was a big part of my early recovery.

thatslife wrote on 26 Jan 2017 16:52:


Maybe you could, but most people can't tonight so probably people here will tell you that it won't work because from their experience than most peoples experience it doesn't work. So they might not be able to philosophize and tell you why it doesn't work, but I'll just tell you that in their experience it doesn't. In my experience, it doesn't really either until after you started working with a therapist, spoken to other people, we're done some other things. Perhaps you'll be different then don't let it discourage you if you think you can, but the SmartMoney says that it's just to alluring for people to have the discipline, stamina, self-control, and possibly much more if they talking about an addiction.

If it's an addiction, although there is definitely such a thing as addict stopping cold turkey, that is certainly not the norm and not super likely.

True story – I started masturbating when I was 20 and in the Mir. I have no connection to any rabbis, but was thinking of going over to Rabbi Elefant anyway and telling him. But I didn't have the guts, and this was much less a topic of conversation back then. In my life would've been drastically different had I done that. I could've save myself years of pain

Rav Elefant is an amazing person.

So take our words, TL. see our anguish in knowing we could have saved years of pain and transformed them into years of joy. No secrets. The time is ripe.

I'm also a yeshivah bachur and i went tthrough be'erach 5 years of porn and masturbation before i finally decided to tell me parents. it also took an e-mail converation and phone call with dov and some other members and a shmuz from my mashgiach (no shichis addiction it was a shaboss shuvah drashah) about doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a differant result . The advice i got was not to go into specifics just enough for my father too supe up the filters and to get me a psychologist he was extremely understanding telling me how its normal and not to get depressed or anything ETC,, and he got me a psychologist which has helped me beyond anything i imagined . Revealing(to safe people) really brings relief . my one only regret is that i didn't tell him sooner
do you know what you want to get out of telling your father?