hi 
i have a mz"l problem and come bein hazmanim also a porn problem (most of you would say that i am not an addict). now for the question: should i or shouldn't i tell my parents? a few points here 1. my father is a very normal understanding person, so i think he will come to terms with it and help me out. BUT he is not an addict (to my knowledge). and only an addict will really understand what i'm going through. 2. i have a phone at home that TAG filtered, and my parents think everything is fine and dandy, but i broke thru the filter a long time ago already. so even if i'm not gonna tell my parents i don't have any way to filter my phone without my parents knowing, being that i'm gonna need to put in a normal filter that charges per month. and if i don't filter it then nothing will stop me. 3. i'll be very very embarrassed from them, as they consider me a very good normal boy. in other words not someone who would fall prey to such things. 4. also deep deep down i don't want to tell them cause than i won't be able to watch porn cause they'll be breathing down my neck....

thatslife wrote on 17 Jan 2017 15:02:

I like that. Brutal honesty.

How about a rabbi / close friend who might take it better?

that's the thing; the closest person to me in my life is my father. i really respect him. smart guy

I told my parents. It was hell for a while. But then things got better. I suggest speaking with someone before you make any decisions.

thatslife wrote on 18 Jan 2017 17:22:

Oh I envy you..... 

thatslife wrote on 18 Jan 2017 17:22:


Many people will jump in with a disclaimer that you shouldn't take advice from an online forum to people who don't know you.

Now that we got that out of the way- I'm not hearing a downside to telling. You respect your father a lot, and it sounds like you have a nice relationship with them. And you ARE a nice normal boy, and this is the challenge that today's nice normal boys face.

Shlomo said his experience was hell for a while but he never described his relationship with his father the way you did.

And another thing- you want to stop this as soon as possible. The longer it goes, the harder it get. So why wait?

I think WG brings up a good point. If you have a good relationship with your dad that changes a lot. But I still think you should speak with someone first. This is a very sensitive topic.

Hatzlacha Rabah.

WG how do you know i'm a nice good boy? if anybody did tell their dads pls share your experience with me it would help a lot thanks

i told mine, and no damage to our relationship occured at all. infact i told both my parents. however, they didnt understand what i was going through and hence couldnt help like an experienced sober guy could. however, they didnt breathe down my neck because they didnt really seem to think there was a problem either, and didn't take it seriously - perhaps due to non religious views. however i lost nothing. by you since they will "breathe down your neck" and also saw the value of a filter seemingly already then they may act as a caring, extremely helpful and supportive deterrent. depending on your relationship if you have a good one, it may be unlikely youll necessarily lose anything. if you believe they will deter you while being supportive and understandingto the best of their ability, it could be a massive help

guardandimprove wrote on 22 Jan 2017 20:36:

Yup. Breathing down your neck is not necessarily a bad thing.

Unless you get the chills.

WG i hear what your trying to say but i still think he's gonna take it very hard, cause the average person out there doesn't understand a person who just cant stop looking at porn. i was the same way, till i became addicted.

thatslife wrote on 23 Jan 2017 18:05:

I'm really not sure you're right. I know of a family member who is addicted, and their parents are aware of it but can't really confront them. That indeed is because they don't have a relationship. However, if you parents are freaking out; they are sad and would love to do something about it

I think there have been enough stories, open letters in Mishpacha magazine, Lifelines columns etc that have addressed it that it won't be a shock or if it will they'll get over it quickly.

but I think there is something else address here – even if their reaction won't be great, if they will be supportive he should definitely do it because it is vital to start battling this as soon as possible as one can possibly imagine. This is like letting cancer spread because you're afraid that your parents will get mad when you tell them you have it; unless they will give you more cancer or will stop you from healing, it is worth telling them if you can help your healing process.

Workingguy wrote on 23 Jan 2017 23:42:

True. WG, do you listen to Dov's recorded calls? Link in my sig.

One of the ones from last week has a story about choking in a restaurant. Try find it. It's enlightening.

thatslife: are you an optometrist? And your Avatar is a free screening? I think I need glasses... 

actually i charge two karma's per screening:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:. but for being such a good friend, here you go

SHOUT OUT TO ALL ADMIN'S:please collect all these stories, letter's and columns and PLEASE put them on the gye website