LifneiHashem wrote on 29 Dec 2016 12:54:

SSo has it helped?

Shining Shevat sounds good, but...

Let's do Terrific Teves 1st !

shua73 wrote:

Yes I think posting definitely helped, although I must not have been too clear because some of the responses didn't seem to address my particular situation. Like you said, the real gain is just from posting. The suggestions are welcome but more of a bonus. 

I didn't know what to say. Obviously, don't look at her, 
and try to move desks if you have to.
Don't get depressed over it, but take some precautions 
so that it doesn't happen again.

One technique I once heard is that you should wear an elastic band round your arm, and whenever you look stretch it and let go. It will hurt, but then you literally 'snap' out of it and realise that you shouldn't look.

If anything, it at least makes you consciously aware.

My office was a danger zone.

Goin'I to meetin's, workin' on myself, sspeakin' to therapist is what helped change me.

Trix are 4 kids.

cordnoy wrote:

Which Trix are you specifically referring to, oh wise yet sex crazed man? 

II'm putting in a request.

Can someone share a joke please - I am not as happy as I want to be and instead of searching online for funny stuff (yes I know there's a whole board for this stuff but I find it to be so tiring to actually find that funny joke on there that by the time I find it nothing is funny) maybe we can just have a good time here as friends do. It's Thursday night - chulent, beer and hock is what I remember from back in yeshiva although I was not one of the in crowd so I didn't get beer or chulent and generally hocked with anybody who had nothing else to do I.e. no one better to shmooze with. Or maybe I just wandered around taking walks to nowhere and just wandering.

As a side note, has anybody experienced the SE or similar stuff "back in the day".

So fast forward a bunch of years - now I'm married BH with kids and another one ba'h on the way with a wife who couldn't be less interested in intimacy. I'm not taking this in the direction of oh no what should I do if I have no outlet... I understand that I make her naueseus (it's better than the pic line that she had for first pregnancy, for the uninformed that's a permanent IV port in her arm attached to a pump which is constantly pumping anti naseua medication into her and had to take two bags of iv a day to stay hydrated). That's life. I also get that if I don't do all the things that she asks me and feels that they are easy or if I'm late to shul and stuff like that she gets frustrated with me bc she views me as an extension of herself. All this and many other stuff like it make sense..

But the punch line is that I'm still lonely. I try to make her think that I'm always OK bc I love her and want her to feel good about herself. If I don't she feels guilty even though it's not her fault. But that doesn't make me feel like I have someone to just spend time with. So in short instead of resorting to a mind numbing time wasting outlet such as a movie (even pg13), I am telling a story about myself.

It's not over yet so we could still live happily ever after but that doesn't happen in life, people die happily ever after and that's as close as they get. Life has struggles and here's a, I'm assuming quite usual basically, one.

AAs an addendum, when she's not uninterested, she's sleeping cuz she's bomb tired so I'm living life by myself how fun - no quite boring indeed. As I'm not the getting depressed type I feel like some friends would be nice so thanks to all of you for being there it's nice spending forum time with you.

Last this rambling on and on is therapeutic. I'll be able to look back and check the date when I posted this and say wow things haven't changed for a long time hehe

Why did the bowling pins stop working? 

LifneiHashem wrote on 30 Dec 2016 03:34:

IIt's always good to hear jokes that I never heard anything like them before. So this was original - I like it.

LifneiHashem wrote on 30 Dec 2016 02:49:

Anythin' that is not productively workin' on yourself is simply trix.

So, I'll "kill 2 birds with one stone/post" and write a story/joke from Rav Fishel Shechter:

A single guy, down on his luck, decides to travel a long distance to the Sar HaMazel.
He says that he is tired of always doing things for other people, and never for himself.
On his way, he passes a lion, a princess, and a tree.
Each one tells him to ask about their mazel, 
since he is going anyway.
The lion is always weak and tired and can barely move.
The princess can't seem to find her life match and is still single.
And the tree feels it isn't growing right, and that something is wrong with it.
I'm always doing for other people and not myself. He keeps complaining,
but he agrees to ask for them.

When he gets there, the Sar HaMazel says that he can ONLY ask about other
people and not himself. He is so frustrated and angry. He is always doing things
for others and never for himself. O.K. he asks about the mazel of all 3 of those 
he passed on his way.

On his way home he passes first the tree. The tree asks him about his mazel. 
The guy starts complaining and says can you believe it, I went all the way there,
and he wouldn't even tell me anything about my mazel. He did, however, tell me about yours.
He said that you have a very big treasure chest buried in the ground that is
blocking the growth of your roots. Unless it is removed, you will not be able
to grow normal and be healthy. Then, will you please remove it? the tree asks.
Dig it up so that I can live and grow, and it's yours.
No, no. I've had enough! I'm always doing for others and never for myself.
I'm not interested in helping you. And no matter how much the tree
tried to reason and plead with him,
he moved on toward his home.

Next, about 15 minutes before sunset, he sees the princess.
She asks him what the Sar HaMazel said. He starts to complain:
do you know how far I had to travel and walk to get there.
And then, he didn't even tell me about
my mazel. He would only tell me about other's mazel.
So what did he say, the princess asked again.
He said that if you get married today, before sundown, you will be happily married
all the rest of your days. And not only that, but your children from this union
will all become tzadikim. Then, quickly, let's get married this instant, she says. 
Nothing doing. I am done helping other people. 
All I do is help other people, and I never do anything for myself.
She tries to reason with him and convince him, but to no avail.
And leaving her in tears, as the sun sets, he continues on toward his home.

He then passes the lethargic lion. He says what did the Sar HaMazel say? What's wrong 
with me. First, the guy complains that the Sar HaMazel had a terrible rule that he would only
answer me about others and didn't help me at all. I wasted so much time and effort going there.
My life is so awful and filled with frustrations that I don't even know why I bother going on living.
I'm sick and tired of always doing for other people and never for myself.
But what did the Sar HaMazel say about me, the lion asked. 
He said that if you find a fool who is always complaining, who doesn't see the good in life,
and is so closed-minded that he doesn't even see the brachas around him, that HaShem
has set up for him to enjoy, and you eat him, then all of your strength will be restored.

We think what an idiot. How ridiculous. What a moron.
But Rav Shechter finished by saying that we are all too similar to the foolish dead guy.
Doing for others, very often is intertwined with really helping ourselves. And we all need to 
open our eyes and see all the brachas around us that HaShem sets up for us to enjoy.
Good Shabbos! Chanuka Somaoch! And Chodesh Tov!
or GSCSACT as some might write.

cordnoy wrote on 30 Dec 2016 04:15:


Some prefer Froot Loops.