i searched the forum and know what the feeling is about telling ones wife about ones issue. i was wondering if my wife bothers me about being on my phone/online too much (which is probably correct. and  i believe that too much time online for a lot of us  leads to problems  as while i`m  only on kosher sites- of course- there is that hidden trigger somewhere that the brains pick up and the rest is history.) she then will give the typical wife comment,that under the breath remark which our manly side doesn't handle well especially when we know they are correct. Then we are down with ourselves - which is another great trigger. should i out of the blue just tell her that i am working on my constant internet usage and if she feels that i`m online too much from now on  to please just remind me nicely of my commitment. should i say anything to her - which without her even realizing it she can be helpful to the cause or is even that too much as she might start questioning - as she did realize i lately  have been reading up on shmiras eyneyim- and even if i dont say anything she will notice the difference quick enough on her own (i hope)

IMO, don't make your wife your god.

I'm not sure what you are trying to say.

gibbor120 wrote on 10 Nov 2016 15:07:

I'm working on not answering questions that weren't asked so I'm not going to answer, but I've heard his sentiment before and there's good logic for what he's saying.

Again, this is just an opinion, but reading the original post made me feel that WTL seems a little over-concerned about what his wife thinks of him, seeking approval from her and hoping she will help get him sober.

By allowing her to be a central part of his recovery he's giving her way too much power. But G-d has all the power, ergo we have none at all. The goal should be to move from being ego-centric to being G-d-centric. Moving toward being wife-centric is way too limited for what we face.

Shlomo24 wrote on 10 Nov 2016 18:20:

That weren't asked to you?

ThatI weren't asked at all?

That you don't relate to?

Weren't asked to me. I didn't realize that I forgot to type those words. Oops.

I'm sorry shlomo24 that you always seem to end up on the receiving end on my threads. 
update with a little more information about the situation: i decided not to tell my wife anything (thanks Watson again). It sure is scary how fast they pick up  so quickly (on some things).
until now i was ready to send my wife to talk to a professional! as I had every reason to believe it was her fault things weren't good in the bedroom. as when i was given a chosson shmooze i was told that you i don't need to have only holy thoughts you can have your YH in mind as well. (well that rebbe knew nothing of how sick i was) my wife also had a slight medical condition which made sex extremely painful (which was bh taken care of early in our marriage) and she suffers from a very light case of anxiety.  it all adds up to disaster and i was supposed to believe i was  to blame? 
then i read here about only trying to change yourself and how our sick minds are the bigger issue(takes time to accept). but totally worth it, what a difference a few weeks make.