thanks for sharing. mazel tov on yr sobriety! how did u do it?
how far did u fall b4 starting to recover? how much does ur wife know?feel free to pm me or e-mail me.

wow beautifully put
thanks

A Very Sick Man wrote on 04 Jan 2011 22:26:


well thats my name (am... my user name)

lets do it together, hold on tight buddy,

wow!

I appreciate the feedback on my post. Thanks. I need to be honest and share that I am afraid of the communication with others who are struggling with SSA because of the potential damage I can do with the knowledge that someone would act out with me given the right circumstances. I surrender these fears to G-d and accept that in order for me to get well I must be open and honest, always.
That being said, I recently curbed all my online media viewing (tv, movies, p*rn, etc). However, in my line of work, I am online quite a bit and although I have a great filter (BSECURE) I come across lust in all forms. I have been having a good day with that today, working hard, accomplishing and talking to other recovering people who help me stayed centered. I am doing much better since a few days of no outside media and it seems to be clearing my head quite a bit. Thanks for giving me the forum to share. I pray to my Higher Power for another 24 hours of honest sobriety.

i really feel bad for you for having such a name
i dont think you are sick at all
just the opposite
in fact, you sound like a dr. to me, "understanding the sickness and knowing how to recover from a sickness"



_{why would your father give you such a name
i feel bad}

allow me to add my imput.
In my own situation,denial and minimization of the severity of the disease it fatal.
Yesterday was certainly a day of reflection and growth for me.
The way the hashgocho unfolded,it was confronted with the reality that my situation is very serious and there is good reason to believe that it will get worse,it i do not make a decision to seek a way out.
it is like i am desperately "stuck" in a deep forrest. If i am offered a way out,why should i continue to grope in the dark only going deeper and deeper into oblivion.
my thing is recovery is a way out,yet there may be different paths for different folks. May Hashem b'rachamim ahtzumim lead us all on the right path to recovery.

i haven't posted for a long time. I just passed six months so i feel like i am making some progress. I only count my major problem which is personal contact. if i go on the web or participate in other borderline behavior i don't hold it against my counting even though i know it is an aveyrah and it is destructive for me.
the past couple of weeks i struggled with these issues and it made me very depressed. i asked hashem for a way out and now again i am free of falls.
i first came on this list to find people who could help me. people who had suffered the same problems. but now i am ok for the time being. i just have to remember davening is not enough. i have to constantly work on devekus and ask hashem for the wisdom to find a solution every time i am fighting the yetzer.
i would still love to talk to people who have had the same sadness and terror.
i talked to the guy that wrote the new book on addiction and judaism. i bought his book and listened to his video shuirs on chabad.com. his name is rabbi shais Taub. the book is God of Our Understanding: Jewish Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction, ive only read the first few pages because i am afraid to read books that might let my familty see i have a problem. so i do it when im alone.

hey guys. i went to live meetings a lot and listened. i didnt share as much as they say to. but i got amazing insights into the unreliability of my feelings and perceptions. my wife doesn't know about my disease. she knows i have trouble with process addictions but not this one.
has anyone read "building a mishkan in the heart"? it is a big help. hashem is the only truth and reality and dovid hamelech, the book reminds us, kept saying how being close to hashem every day, every hour, is the good for us all. without it we are not really living. read the siddur. it helped me to realize i could build my devekus a little at a time and build my kavanah to feeling hashem next to me and strongly during davening. I also was changed by reading some of the aryeh kaplan summaries of rabbi nachman. i have learned to talk to hashem when i have any kind of problem. hopefully i will keep getting better at it. i realize i have no willpower to resist an oportunity to act out. if someone propositioned me i doubt I could say no. so i have stopped going places where it could happen.
i have been engaging in borderliine behavior on the web, where i cant act out with anyone, so its not a big problem. i am not seriously addicted to the web. just some days i want it when i feel bad about myself. i am working with hashem on eliminating all behaviors. someone told me i will probably fall because i never got past step four and i no longer go to meetings. I also stopped going to an addiction therapist who was trained by patrick carnes the s addiction guru. i just spend a lot of time working with hashem.
if i fall, then i hope the next period i am clean will be longer than the last one. i hear it can work out that way.
i spent a lot of time reading zelig pliskin. he says you can change how you feel, how you think, what you believe, with a lot, a real lot, of work. he says reality is only what is between your ears and the reason  most people dont change the things about themselves they want to change, is because they dont give it serious long term, consistant, instense, effort. he says think about learning to play a musical instrument or become proficient at any skill. you work on it every day, for weeks and months and years.you keep improving. if i catch myself when i have a bad thought, i can talk to hashem and ask him to help me find a way to do better.
I don't how to PM so if someone knows how to show me, let me know.

wondering if anyone is still interested in discussing issues connected with SSA etc.

thanks

Do you have any specific questions or thoughts you want to share? You can pm me or post here.

Sturggle

I deal with SSA. Although sober for 8+ years according the definition of SA....I am always looking to connect with men who interested in recovery, sobriety and who may also be able to offer encouragement and friendship (which I can as well)!

this SSA stuff is poison for me. I often feel that blame every issue in my life on it!


sturggle wrote on 02 Nov 2012 11:11:

Hey Snow,

In regards to your first comment, is that a question? an issue for you that you're always looking to connect? Are you just looking to connect now?

I totally hear that a lot of the stuff that can come along with SSA can be bad. Maybe a lot of issues in your life, our lives, are related to it. SSA is a symptom of deeper things going on for us and if we have some psychological needs that are not being met then it can cause other issues as well!

Helpful?

Sturggle

That is so true. so many issues for me, especially the shyness, the feeling of disconnectedness and inability to form meaningful relationships, are both a cause and an effect of SSA. It becomes a vicious cycle that can be really difficult to get out of. Over the past year or so I have been working on getting out of my shell and it has helped somewhat but I still have a long way to go and there are many ups and downs.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!!

Gevura!

P.S. Today is day 200!

i dont see the differnce between sa and ssa its both the same problem with its underlying issues and

I am often looking to have a healthy connection with other men. yes. I feel it really helps me a lot. and I think you are correct. SSA is just the symptom of deeper issues.


sturggle wrote on 06 Nov 2012 12:44: