markz wrote:


Mark, thanks for the source. Tzorich iyun godol, and I don't just mean I don't have an answer for you, which is also true, I mean that I don;t think it's as straightforward as you present it, but I don't have the yedios to answer. I'll keep this in mind in my future travels.

waydown wrote:


Waydown, IMHO, just to spell it out, the habit we're trying to break is indulging in lust. If a guy manages to white-knuckle through 90 days of not being mzl, but is still indulging in a selfish form of lust with his wife (Cordnoy somehow manages to make this more poetic), then he probably will not achieve the aforementioned goal.

Your question is that since the physical action/biological release is identical regardless of the motivation, how can this work. Again IMHO, you are asking a question that assumes we are trying to change a habit that is based on a physical drive, when the habit we are trying to break is really in our heads. Your next (assumed) question is how to accomplish or even identify a change of motivation when engaged in the exact same act. To which MHO says you have to experience it to understand it.
Now I have heard that some SA folks go for an actual 90 day period of abstinence, which may be what you're looking for, but I have no knowledge of and can't comment on that.

I speak thru my head and for myself only Eislassos. I can say that some times I had no indulgence the entire day. I had nothing in my head all day. Then I lie down to sleep and an almost bathroom like itch seeps in. Thats my biggest nisyaon. That itch won't seep in if I have sex with my wife. Thus if I don't indulge all day and I have sex with my wife bingo 90 days????

But yes I will say halvei I should reach even that stage. So when I reach that bridge I'll cross it.

I'm sorry I can't answer you because I don't understand the definition of the "itch". The way you portray it, I would start exploring with a therapist what it's all about because it sounds obsessive.
I'm sorry if that sounds caustic, I say that with the best intentions as someone who has been helped a lot by a good therapist.

I don't think that " itch" is anything abnormal. Sorry if I am graphic. But did you ever see anyone move their hands and scratch where they are not suppose to? Why are they scrathcing there? Because it itches. When that itch intensifies I masterbate. You still have no clue what itch I refer to?

Perhaps gold bond would help.

I'm not sure.
There is an urge that everyone has. The ability to control that urge is precisely the topic of this site and although it seems impossible at the beginning of the journey, many people here have been successful in developing that ability.
If you personally find it to be physically impossible to go for an extended period of time without relieving that urge, perhaps you might want to start investigating why that is. I am not qualified to start playing therapist and start making guesses as to why that may be, nor are 99.9% of us here.
If you say that it is physically possible but you haven't yet found the motivation, we are back to the volumes of discussions and tips available here. One of the themes commonly discussed is to be aware of the difference between white-knuckling and making changes that lead to true sobriety.
Maybe there's a change of perspective that needs to be learned rather than taught.

Anyway, I signed off GYE 5 days ago, and only came on today to unsubscribe from all the threads I was still receiving emails about, so there's a good chance I won't see any further posts to this thread for a while. If you want to continue the conversation, PM me your email address.
Hatzlacha my friend.

waydown wrote:


Nope.
I acted out for several decades, but I never experienced an itch.

Itchy like a mosquito bite. Come on guys don't deny it. Its very common to see people scratch themselves in certain areas without listing where (it often happens when sitting and the area gets less air or tighter) I don't think its too tznuis to stare or shetlzich on. Its said of tzadkim that they never allowed their hands to scratch (osu makom) But my point is don't deny that an itch is there. I don't think its abnormal. Its part of a guys DNA. Now some have argued, OK so control yourself, this is not an excuse to act out. That's 1000% true and that should be the case. But realize how hard it is. Its like telling a guy on a diet that he can never ever eat a piece of cake.

You can all laugh and amke gold bond jokes or argue that this wasn't your probelm, but its mibne and I don't think its a rariety even if it was not your own perosnal problem

maybe some moisturizer or jock itch cream will help? i never heard of getting a physical itch to act out.

Shlomo24 wrote:


לא ראינו אינו ראיה

waydown wrote:


I just saw this post.

Mr. Waydown, I honestly don't know what you're experiencing, but as of now, on this site and from what others have been sayin', there really is no one who has experienced this. So perhaps dig deep and work on figurin' this out. Don't say....hey guys, this is normal for a male, for nobody is corroboratin' this.

B'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


thanks for undermining my post. that was not my point. i don't claim to be god.

Shlomo24 wrote:


My apologies.
I read the thread wrong.

Cords noone?

I am not that good in digging stuff up but you yourself sent me a post of a guy who labeled his forum something like misquito bit. So its not noone on this site.Secondly, its very natrual to wanna scratch oso makom. Its a very normal instinct in which almost all people do.

Forgive me if I am sharp, I suspect that my problem is contradictory towards the given recovery methods where we are told that its all psychological and if we surrender or whatever else we do its all gona be good. Admist trying to be good we don't want to admit that the itch is a human tendency. Its a physical thing not just a physcological thing pulling us to want to sin. Even if we surrender at times that itch will still exist.

To say that noone has an itch is at best naive if not total denial