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Breaking free day one
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TOPIC: Breaking free day one 784 Views

Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 18:07 #251892

This is a really emotional post for me right now. As a little background, I have been struggling to the point that when ever this desire gets into my head, I start feeling in incredible physical urge all over my mind. It feels as if there is some other entity controlling me at those moments and I've had almost no success at saying no until now. Yesterday I fell and for a long time after I was hysterically crying to Hashem to please help me. Today, I was learning and all of a sudden this wave of desire literally took me over. I felt as if I couldn't learn anymore and I sat there about to fall again to this shtus. At that moment I saw that I got a chizuk email from GYE. I don't know where the inner strength to stop came from but I got up and ran out of my house to do chesed. Right now I feel extremely mixed emotions. On the one hand, I feel like I am experiencing extreme cheirus. Liros Es atzmo. On the other hand, I feel broken that not falling once is such a big step for me. The recognition of how much I have fallen has sunken in. I guess I can say I am crying tears of both joy and brokenness. I don't know why I wrote this but I feel like I needed to share it.

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 18:59 #251893

  • yidtryingharder
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Hi welcome and hatzlachah.

As time goes on the more you say no the easier it will get to say no. You can't think you can build a house over night.
This addiction was built day in day out for a while so don't think you can short cut it to take 1 day.

As most of us like to say here take it one moment at a time
Hashem these lustful thoughts are not mine I don't need them or want them please take them from me so I can live a happy and healthy life

Gotta roll with the punches or the punches will roll all over you

yesterday was
tomorrow will be
the only thing you can change is the moment you see

keep smiling and keep busy

"lust is fire to dynamite don't get close" from someone don't remember who

The worst thing i did to myself was lie to myself for 2 whole years

I try not to hate it takes way to much energy
Last Edit: 07 Apr 2015 19:00 by yidtryingharder.

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 19:11 #251894

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Hi and Welcome AnaHashem16!

Great step in the right direction on the path to cheirus. There always must be a first time to say no and you can't get to ten without saying no ten times once.

Second of all you took the second step as well by posting here. There is a way out so get on the road by using GYE and its men.

Keep Up The Good Work and Keep On Posting (KUTGW and KOP)!!!

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 19:34 #251896

  • abieham
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what i have learned on gye and its a yesod for life is that it doesnt matter how long you can do it for. You must take one day at a time. Ive been scared to make any commitments because i wont be able to hold by it in a week or the next day. Just be happy that you survived pushing away the disease the yetzer hara is the one that tells you that you shouldnt be proud of yourself. dont listen just go on and think about what you did and how much strength you had at that moment and thank hashem for it and go vaiter.

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 20:47 #251898

One day at a time sounds too much for me. I would say one urge at a time.
If I quit now I'll soon be back to where I STARTED. And when I started I was desperately wishing to be where I'm NOW.

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 21:43 #251904

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We all wish we could just jump to the end of our personal journeys, and it can feel frustrating to only be able to take one step at a time. But every journey in life is made up of steps, and starts with that small first step. You're heading in the right direction. Keep focused and you will go far, be"h.

Re: Breaking free day one 07 Apr 2015 22:20 #251923

  • cordnoy
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What have you been doin' to help you with these urges?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Breaking free day one 08 Apr 2015 20:03 #251977

  • Al Tisyaesh
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Hey
I feel you brother, I remember those days when it was almost impossible to say no to lust. Personally I've found that my lusting was a way to escape feeling an unwanted emotion and all i did was lust to avoid feeling bad about myself. I sometimes found that accepting whatever emotion i was hiding from helped me avoid temptation

Hope this helps!

Al
Don't ever give up on yourself,,, You can do it,

Re: Breaking free day one 09 Apr 2015 02:40 #252009

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Hi and welcome! Learn from your mistakes but don't dwell on them. Dwell on your accomplishments and how you will achieve more! One day at a time!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Breaking free day one 14 Apr 2015 12:43 #252247

Hi, HaShem gives everyone a test in life and it is hard overcoming these tests. In my case when I started becoming more observant I would be clean for a week or sometimes even two weeks but then I would fall. It is very hard. The first step is as soon as you feel the urge is to ignore it distract yourself and overcome that urge. That urge is trying to tell us that nothing bad is going to happen or your going to feel good etc but really its going to make us feel horrible and downgraded and in my case I feel stressed for a few days and my mind cannot really focus that well.
The Second step is to see what you "things" made you want that urge from internet, social networking even food we eat has an affect on these urges. If its the internet put a filter straight away and if it is a social networking site then don't use it (unless you need to contact someone urgently). Also as a side note this may sound wired but the food we eat and our diet has a huge impact of these urges if we eat a lot of chocolate, eggs, lollies and a lot of meat they can make us feel quite tensed and those impure urges can come. I am not part of Breslov but Rabbi Nachman says that if one is to commit the sin of spilling his seed he should recite these 10 Tehillim immediately they are (16,32,41,41,59,77,90,105,137,150)

I really hope that you will achieve your goal and with the help of HaShem we will all be able to overcome our impure thoughts and desires
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