hi guys
my lust is a problem for sure it makes me depressed cause i cant learn or daven normally afterwards i feel bad for my wife my self esteem falls. the thing is that my motivation is still lacking.
people talk about it getting into a situations that there life becomes unbearable. im embarrassed to say this and i know its horrible but thats really not my situation because the option of not doing it( i.e. not watching porn and masturbating) sometimes seems more unbearable then it is to just go for it. its hard to say these words especially here. i feel like a low life. but i think this is part of the problem obviously i want to be clean but i guess not enough.
here is my solution im posting it to hear what everyone has to say. if anybody has other ideas please post
if i was to sit down and really think into it even though my life is not unbearable i believe i would make the choice of being clean. its a much better life i mean much much better i know its not the same motivation as having life thats unbearable with lust but it works to motivate me i hope that that will help me stay clean not just for ninety days but for the rest of my life bh any feedback is appreciated fighting always 26

two things that stand out from that which you wrote:

1. if your life is not unmanageable, you will not be able to convince yourself of that.
2. you are comparin' a life of actin' out to one where you are fightin' and strugglin'....true...that is not pleasant, but for how long were you tryin', and what methods were you usin'? the answers to those questions might explain why it doesn't feel so good.

b'hatzlachah

Maybe this is what they mean when they say to hit bottom while still on top. It may not seem unbearable now, but like any addiction it will get worse if left untreated. So at some point it will become unbearable. Focus on that outcome now while it may still seem bearable to you. Though, since you mentioned it affecting your davening and learning and it makes you depressed, isn't that already unbearable? Life shouldn't be like that.

I have fear that my wife left me.
She is so good, and I´m not so good with her.
This fear stops me to continue acting out.
She knows about my problem, so my only solution is my recovery

Just wanted to say....


You're not a lowlife.

Welcome!

Appearance wrote:


I am assuming you meant to write that she might leave you.
It can be a deterrent from acting out, but ultimately, we all have reasons to stop, but we don't!
Our solution is recovery - our solution must be for ourself.
Others can help inspire us, but it's gotta be about us!

b'hatzlachah

Hi fighter,

You made a very good point. They say acting out is the "solution" not the "problem".

It sounds like you have problems that make life difficult and use acting out as a solution.

Many people only come to recovery when the "solution" of acting out is too painful, and they realize they need a different solution.

Regarding thinking. It usually does more harm than good. Stay away from triggers, and learn healthy ways of dealing with stress.

Oh, and keep posting!

cordnoy wrote:

thanks all of you for your feedback it really really helps.
cordnoy just wanted to ask you two things about your points that you brought up. one is it necessary to believe that my life is unmanageable in order to go through a proper recovery which i do think i need in order to have it feel good to be clean. which brings to my second point i understand that there is a good feeling of accomplishing being clean and recovering but is it possible to feel good in the process in first 20 to 30 days of being clean cause if the answer is yes then im missing a lot. when im clean for a little bit its very hard it kills my mood im much more stressed and restless. for me it really is a solution and i wish it wasnt for me to be clean is like im going to sacrifice my well being for a little while and from what sounds like im not sure it should be like that if anyone has any answers would love to hear them fighting always 26

You may be experiencing the void, and withdrawal symptoms. The void is that time we'd normally use for porn or acting out, and now it's free to do what? We need to occupy it with productive activities. The withdrawal symptoms will gradually go away. For some people it'll be faster/ slower than others, but with time it does get better.

it does not need to be unmanageable to begin recovery; it can be an impetus; this, however, seems to be a mute point here, for you have already established above that life is pretty crappy this way....your issue is that it's crappy in recovery as well, so why trade one for the other?

you ask: is it possible to feel good in the beginnin'? yes, I'm sure it is, but like others said: there are different stages, but it definitely depends on the method of recovery: if (you were/are addicted, and) your life is status quo and you're simply tryin' to recover by tryin', then, there is a good chance that you won't be feelin' to good, for all that you did was remove your drug of choice as a solution to whatever problem you may have had. If you're workin' a program of sorts, then you should begin to feel better, for you will be undergoin' some positive changes.

Nothin' is set in stone, but one: Life in recovery is a hell of a lot better than a life steeped in muck; I don't think there's one of us that would dispute that, and we've had some pretty good muck as well!

b'hatzlachah

hi bro. As our holy seforim repeat over and over again.

When one is in a situation (be it short term or long term)that he finds to be :

unbearable, unpleasant, depressing, unproductive, going in circles, spiritually defunct, etc, etc, etc,
he is to know and review the following holy of holiest foundations and secret of all of creation.
It is god himself that wants this exact situation to be - PRECISELY the way it is. Not one iota different,
for (what we perceive as) better, or for(what we perceive as) worse.

Ain od milvado- there is nothing but him. He is nothing but good. All the perceived "negative situations" that we experience, are all merely a most cleverly designed facade by the top notch producer. Hashem himself.

God wants the darkness to precede the light. The darker it is, that much more light will result eventually.

Of course when we go forward, we (what we perceive as)"battle" with the dark side etc, and try to overcome it etc, but that is only the case, while we are going forward.

Whereas when we assess the " situation" that we are in or what has transpired already, we are to review the above foundation, and not be fooled by the divinely instilled voice of the yetser hora in our collective minds telling us otherwise. If we do get fooled by that voice, that too is for our good in hindsight, like anything and everything else.

Cordnoy, you're right, recovery is for me!
I love to my family. I want a nice life.

Gibbor, I love your weak imoticon exercising and always skinny. The message is clear.

sonoftheking, very nice what you say. Emuna completely changes the meaning of life. Yes, feel to Hashem near you ...

Appearance wrote:
Thanks!

so here i am again trying the same things that never worked for me hoping that this time will be different its crazy that i keep doing this. its almost laughable but sadly not. there are things that im learning about myself and the nature of lust. one thing is that the fact is that you need to be off lust for a little bit in order for your head to be working correctly it seems like withing three or four days (maybe for some less or more thats what does it for me:) )its like im still on drugs and nothing makes an impression on me i can read or hear great stuff but i dont feel anything. another point i dont even realize how bad thing are with my life when im busy with lust recently i was clean for a little while and life felt totally different awesome amazing. it was like thechiyas hameisim for me. for those guys out there who feel the same way or if there not sure that they should stop trust me the way you feel now aint reality. well thats my opinion at least. i hope and pray that hashem in his kindness make me better so that i can become clean finally and stay like that for the rest of my life and for everyone here i wish and really hope the same i daven for the gye community always thanks for reading

Hear you
Continue with the emails as well
You gotta flush out the system a bit first
Readin' some of the material here can help
Whenever you feel the lust begin, just switch the screen and read some of it...the handbook, dr. sorotzkin, skep's tips, the whitebook, the home page here.
There's lots of stuff out there.
Perhaps join a call or two.

b'hatzlachah