Yasher Koach
wow
i wish i can do the same

if we weigh the scale whats the concequensios if we carry on, and whats at stake for us if we stop, its a bit easier, i had a very clear picture of the black side, and i decided that its obvious that this is not the correct way to go forward in life, for any price
i knew for a hard fact that if i stay in that matzav i will roll down a very steep slope, where it will be impossible to come back without major damages to me and my family and never mind the stink that it will be, the bad name that will haunt me for ever, in this world and in the world to come
i knew that she is a reshantte, because she did it purposely trying to haunt me in, i knew that if i go one more step forward i am sold for her for life
then it hit me, hey look where you got yourself into with your grueling addiction, i saw that i am on the verge of a huge cliff about to drop to my final death, and the only solution was to get out of the position where i have the trouble, and hence to heal myself from that addiction at once
that's when i started searching for filters, and later through that i b"h found the bless-full GYE website, and with our fellow friends help here i got saved, b"h

Wow
ה' עמך גבור החיל

Shmeichel wrote:

Shmeichel,

Thank you again for sharing this amazing story of modern day Mesiras Nefesh.

Without in any way defending this woman's indefensible behavior, I want to point out that it is very likely that she had been a victim of sexual abuse (for which she never received adequate psychological counseling). This often leads to promiscuous behavior.

Hi Duddy.

its true that this women has suffered hell in her teenage years, broken family, etc... etc...
100% not to blame her
dear duudy
you mean so much to me, i feel for you so much
i understand what you are going thru
remember you are not alone, hashem is standing behind your shoulder telling you, my son make one positive step and i will make the rest for you
how do you feel about this?

Heieliger Bashefer, please dont bring me to a Nisayon today. please please
אל תביאינו לא לידי נסיון ולא לידי בזיון
im so schvach
depressed
Parnuseh is not like it was, big competition trying to ....
i daavened so so strong today
please hashem i cant help myself alone

after shachris i sat down and started crying, i come with an idea ill write down my feelings, so i started writing
(in yiddish) ill retype it now in english the most i can as soon that i get a chance iy"h (2 full pages in writing)

Be"h everything will turn out great. We're all here for you. KOMT!

dear duddy,
i don't know what to say to comfort you,
and i hope that Hashem will send you everything you need

Hi Duddy.

Dearest Duddy!
the mere fact that you turned here for help, shows, that you really want to be good, and you know that you need outside help, in order to fight that yetzer hora
so go to a private room and speak to hashem:
heilige basher, i want to be pure, i want to behave like i am suposed to
but the yetzer hora is far stronger then me
it is not a fair battle
one fact i know for sure, that you are definitely stronger then him1
so please be on my side, help me, take away that challenge (nesoiyen) from me, dont test me with such a hard test, as i am too weak for that, and please help me to win the battle
after that you will feel much more relieved

R' Shmeichel,

Duddy does do that....all the time.
you know what? God has even listened to him.
Duddy has not had this nisayon for a real long time.
what bothers Duddy is that he knows it can pop up at any moment, and it is that thought that scares him; he is petrified of that.

So, if I can take a stab at what Duddy HaKohen HaGadol's tefillah in that private room should be, it would be as follows: Heilgeh Bashefer; Tatta Zeesa, You have listened to my cries in the past, and I am so thankful for that. I know that I have no business askin' about the future, for that is in Your Hands, and I thank You for that as well. I only ask You one thing; Ribbono shel Olam; Helf mir for dem moment....the moment before us now, please make sure that no stray thoughts enter my mind and that no nisayon should be placed before me. A danke!

Maybe this will help?

I bet you don't obsess about women, text someone on the subject, etc. every moment of every day. What are other things you do that you enjoy? (Face to face conversations over coffee? Learning? Eating? Exercising?) I bet you already do at least some of these things. Do the next one for an extra 10 minutes. That's 10 minutes deducted from the stuff you don't want to do.

Meantime...trying not to over-think here...I tell myself that I "should stop thinking about that woman" but really, I'm trying to reassure myself that I'm still a potent, masculine, male, man who needs to be restrained...even though I'm a tired 65-year-old worried about money and death. So I try to address what is my real issue: not lust for a woman but fear of poverty or fear of death or whatever. I read a book about financial planning, call a planner, write a living will: It doesn't matter what exactly, as long as I deal with what is actually bothering me. It's never really lust.

Hi Duddy.

Thinking of you. Davening for your hatzlacha- both in סור מרע as well as עשה טוב.

Yasher Koach for all Yidden who have me in mind
that gives me koach to be Mamshich and taking a Day at a time