.

If you hit "quote" and stuck your own words into the middle of the quote from skep, the formatting will make your words part of the quote as well. You would need to end the quote before your words, and start a new one after you're done.

I think there is a difference between the desire to be with one's wife and the desire for sex. or at least there is so supposed to be. (I am working on the thought right now. when i am done with it i might post it on my thread)
using tayvas nashim for lust and not for his wife is like using your hands to walk with. they were made for a completely different purpose. I am coming to believe that the tayva of lust is a corruption of the tayva to be with his wife. they are completely different things.(the whole giving and taking piece is a big part of the difference)

so you can want to rid yourself of lust. YOu can not have lust and still want to be with your wife.
Also it could be that the reason you feel you are a better husband and daven better and learn better is not because you are sexually satisfied. It might be because you are not lustfully exhausted. walking on your hands is more tiring than walking on your feet. by using your tayva for the right thing, your tayva can relax.

People have a natural instinct to eat. It is an instinct given to them in order to be able to survive.
When people over-indulge in food because it makes them feel good, it becomes a PROBLEM.

People are given a natural sexual desire. It is an instinct given to them in order to ensure reproduction.
When people over-indulge and make it all about them feeling good, it becomes a PROBLEM.

A Beinoni is not someone who "overcomes his struggles." A Beinoni is one who is constantly struggling, but says NO. His Yetzer Harah doesn't go away. Sometimes, his YH may appear to be sleeping, but it is always there, easily awakened if prodded.

A Tzaddik is one who has either killed his YH, or had it taken away as a gift from Hashem. Not everyone can be a Tzaddik, only a select few.

Tanya is called Sefer Shel Beinonim. It is a manual for how to become a Beinoni, as the Alter Rebbe says that is in easy reach for every person (in your mouth and in your heart) to get to that level. He may take a couple of chapters to describe what a Tzaddik is, but his sefer is not to aspire to such heights.

In line with his sefer, Tanya, the Alter Rebbe taught his Chassidim never to indulge in any desires just for the sake of indulging, even if it's permitted. We eat to serve Hashem. We sleep to serve Hashem. Everything we do must be to serve Hashem. If it's not to serve Hashem, we don't need to, and perhaps, SHOULDN'T do it.

Cheshbon Tzedek


Acting out is assur, even if you feel that it helps you serve Hashem. We serve Hashem the way He wants us to serve Him, not how we feel.

Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot.

Perhaps, you're a better husband and father, learn more Torah and daven with more kavana, when you are happy with what you have. When you're sexually hungry, you are definitely not happy with your lot, and therefore life is much more difficult.

Work on being HAPPY with your life, and your life will be an easier, happier life.

.

....

I


You are kind of proving my point.

It's easy to be happy when life is (perceived to be) good.

When life is (perceived to be) not good, we tend to try to find ways to make ourselves feel better. Our solution, while it may provide instant gratification, is not usually a lasting one, and is unhealthy physically and spiritually.

We need to work on accepting what Hashem has given us, happily, and learn to deal with things in a healthy way.

It is also the case where the lust addiction is the problem and the solution. One's entire life is enveloped by the lust. it completely clouds the rest of his day. Perception is completely blurred....just to satisfy the lust even more.

b'hatzlachah

.

I do understand what you wrote, and I know that it could be extremely difficult under such circumstances.

I'm not saying that it's easy, but we can learn to trust in Hashem. Things may not be going the way we think they should, but He knows what He is doing, and He is giving us exactly what we need. We can be happy knowing that no matter what, we are being taken care of.

Rabbi Majeski in The Chassidic Approach to Joy

i guess i'm a bit late i didn't see this thread till now,

i loved every post here(b"h they had been edited before i saw them). much to learn here and alot of eye openers for me.

chesbon ztedek i feel really bad reading about your story and struggles.

your a great guy with your head on straight and you honesty is just gevaldig.

after reading your story in detail. i started thinking more about what some of the guys advised me recently to put my story down on paper even just for myself. i was reading your posts and thinking this is so honest and right in front of your face you see exactly what went on all those years back. i personally never wrote a whole personal story post because i was scared in the beggining and then even when i was comfortable here i felt why do i need to think about things i wish never happened. but somehow by reading your posts i started seeing how important it is. i think i will start trying to do that on my thread one of these days.

in any case KOMT and i hope all is well and KIT!!!!

i relate to what you wrote about getting hit my multiple tzaros...i had to sell my own house. and with comments from family as well.
shorty afterwards i sought to escape with lust....guess what....didn't help.
like drinking salt water to quench your thirst.
skep once wrote. really we are all carrying around resentments against life (Hashem?) and we wanna escape.
maybe that is why recovery from lust is so difficult, it requires a major change in our life,

just wanted to clarify a question that was asked . I meant Masturbation is a Fall not a slip. it is addictive and its a big problem to deal with if it is not treated like an addiction . The fact that it is done sporadically and not everyday does not take from the addiction one bit. It is here and it is to stay if not treated . I write this with regard to Bimoishe and Cordnoy's request for clarification . But i realize that a lot went on on the forum since my last post.Thank you.

thanks for the clarification.
That certainly helped.
Was there a specific reason that you wrote that?
Was there a comment above that said differently?

thanks again

Cordnoy:
Cheshbon Tzedek wrote:

Although, I didn't think he meant "slip" in the GYE 90 days sense, just in the mental/emotional/physiological sense, but I guess newaction wanted to make sure nobody misinterpreted that.