Hi,

I used to be a regular on here a few years ago, daily checking and often posting.

Unfortunately although I stayed clean for almost a year, I have since then fallen, fallen and fallen again, often in worse ways then before.

We all know the yetzer horah gets worse which makes what was once never dreamt of become reality.....

BH i have a good marriage, good kids, even a healthy sex life now although historically that was an issue, but now I can see so clearly my falling has nothing to do with that however much I have tried to blame it on that.

My conncection to Hashem has suffered in a massive way, I dont feel as I have in the past and davening is meaningless most of the time.

I really want to start the journey again, better than before for my salke and everyone around me..

I need help and lots of support, I will try iyh to post daily just for me to keep me in check, I appreciate you guys being there...

Day 1 - a few hours in, so far so good....

Welcome to our Heilige Kehila
the place where we are all in the same boat
tryed tryed tens if not hundreds of times to stop by doing this and that, but then realized that no cant ourselves.
This is the place where u should stay, make urself comfortable, keep us all posted, your strong will and actions will help us all.

from A Yid With A Broken Heart and powerless
but with the koach of a rabim we will iy"h be helped

Welcome back, dust off the truck and get going...

I have been here less than a year, so we have never "met" before. So, welcome (back)!!

A couple months after I first joined GYE, I got comfortable and told myself I have to stop focusing on my problem and get on with life. It didn't work out very well . So I came back and tried a new, lighter attitude, that posting and being part of the chevra here does not have to be a "scary" experience, and we can do some recovery here and a healthy dose of joking around together too. Since then I have been doing well, so far so good, bli ayin hara. But this time, I refuse to tell myself that I am done with GYE, I will be OK on my own, etc., because I am just opening myself up to trouble.

Nice meeting you, hop back on the truck and start your engines!

Thanks guys, appreciate the support. I have 2 friends from GYE which I keep up with via other medium from time to time, so its deffinately a great place.

Where things are different this time, is I have done worse yet also realised that it really isnt anyone else's fault at all and i fall even when everything is great, as mad as it sounds, sometimes even just because I was bored!!

Welcome back,

in the good ol' days, my username was Ovadia, so we might have met then.
andrewsh wrote:

That is why it may be an addiction and as the book calls it "cunning and baffling".

May HaShem grant us a sober and sane day.

Welcome (back, I wasn't either here a few years ago)!!!!

Looking forward on getting to know you better!!

OMG! Andrewsh's back! And Ovadia, I didn't even recognize you with that chesky mask on. It's been so long. Wonderful to see old friends even if it's only because you felt you had no other choice. The next thing we'll hear is that Bardichev is coming back too.

ur-a-jew wrote:

Sorry, Chesky is the real me. Ovadia was the mask!

ur-a-jew, Thanks for always being there for me, knowing you are there is a big help!

SO day 3, it is hard but not at the i need to act out stage, but more as in trying to change my habits from automatically not behaving as I should.

I try to look for milestones as in from rosh chodesh, rosh ahshonah, ellul etc i am clean but as we all know, we just have to work day by day.

I have an event in the future which excites me because of the opportunity it allows even though at the moment i am clean, I know this is bad but can shake off the feeling just yet....

so much for staying clean, it always starts with a little slip, (showerhead position in shower) and then other thoughts come to mind, what I can get up to, but then realise in 2 minutes its consuming my life again which ruins everything..... aaaahhhh

does that mean you fell?

Sorry, to hear that

but there is good news, it's called "today"!!!

I didn't know you last time you were here, what are doing to become and stay sober?