I think that is precisely the point he is making,  that in the context of the big picture a "rest stop" may seem trivial, when in actuality, to rest stop or not to rest stop is the raison d'etre for the addict and not just a side issue

So I don't get how focusing on the fact that a short term fall is going to affect me in the looking term is detrimental to sobriety.

What it seems you're not understandin' (i think), and again, this is only me talkin', is that there is no such thin' as long term sobriety. That should not be in your dictionary, for if it is, what real difference is there between 100 days, 400 days and 1,000 days? who really cares? If it's long term, what difference does it make if we start today or tomorrow or next week? It is rather right now that concerns me; that is it! 

I should really shut up because arguing about these things will for sure not get me sober. But..

If I only focus on today what is my motivation. To be normal just today ? I'll handle one crazy day. It's a bunch of crazy days that are the problem. It's running the risk of acting out before my daughter's chupah that scares me to death.

cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 15:19:

So, what happens when, you just don't have the strength to look at Hashems will for every second. When you feel like you just need a break from that level of intense feeling. When that itself starts making you resentful. Then What? Is there anything between living every second to fulfill the will of god and acting out? For me this was where a good movie came in. So, I don't have that now. How do I take it down a notch without losing everything? Or do I never take it down a notch?

mggsbms wrote on 15 May 2016 16:25:

I am not referrin' to white knucklin' thru today.
The feelin' I have is after and durin the workin' of the steps.
I, thank God, am at a place where there is no outside motivation (or, at least, there shouldn't be).
The risk of actin' out before any date doesn't enter my mind, not because it can't happen; it can! It doesn't enter, for it is not my business. My job is to work on myself. My task is to improve. I need to know my imperfections and do what i can to fix them. This requires a constant recognition of what my defects are, and there are plenty of 'em. I ask God for help. I beg Him for assistance, for the tough ones I am in no control over.
That is my focus now.
What will be in ten minutes is not on my radar.

realsimcha wrote on 15 May 2016 16:26:

I'm not sure what the notches are about.
Also, everyone needs to know themselves.
I do watch shows.
Presently, it doesn't faze me.
and to repeat, I am referrin' to a life of workin' on our defects; not simply white knucklin'.
I may fall at some point.
I have desires and fantasies.
Mostly, I can block them out.
When i can't, i ask God to help.
When that doesn't work, I pray again.
And, at times, it continues and then life goes on.
We need to be content that we are workin' now for now.
This doesn't happen by a snap of the fingers.

cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 16:34:

What's the motivation ?

Non-addicts can use a GPS, pointin' them to some Golden Place in da Sky, and if that is more captivatin' and motivatin' and rewardin' than a sexcapade or a drinkin' bout, then so be it!
They should take advantage of that.
For me, there was nothin' greater, and there still is nothin' more enticin' to me than to indulge in my fantasies.
So, you can stack all you want on one side of the scale; mussar seforim, Hell, family, community standin', Heaven, God, you name it....nothin' comes close to My pleasures.
I needed and need a mindset change, one where I wasn't thinkin' of me, one where my desires and fantasies weren't takin' front seat. 
That occurred by workin' the program.
And it needs to continue, for my self is huge, and it don't like this - not one little bit.

mggsbms wrote on 15 May 2016 16:47:

I don't recall in the white book one time where it uses the word "motivate" in a positive sense. I am by no means an expert, but that's what i remember.

When I hit rock bottom (several times) that motivated me to change; not to be clean, but to change.

I didn't need knowledge; i needed power.

I believe the white book says that if we simply look at the activity and the pitfalls of actin' out, many of us find no sufficient motive to really stop.

cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 16:40:

I wish I could do that. Its an outlet. Its fun. And its usually not triggering. 
Problem is that it becomes an obsession of its own. For example, I will move around my whole schedule to fit in the 43 minutes that it takes to watch the show. If I go a day without it I feel like a missed shachris or something [and of course I have to do tashlumin :) ] When I get home after a long day, I have to make sure I get my show. Not spend time with my teenagers or my wife. No, I need to shut the door of my study with a meek, weak, "I have work to do" and disappear. And thats the healthy part. The unhealthy part is when I take the longest walk of the night: From my chair to my bed at 330 in the morning. 
So, you see, I don't have that option. Its become a monster of its own. 
Trying to read to relax. read the news. Or watch Ted talks.... What can I say? Its not the same.

ur-a-jew wrote on 22 Nov 2013 23:44:

Reb Yid wrote on 24 Nov 2013 07:02:

mggsbms wrote on 15 May 2016 16:25:

One day at a time may be a tool, for some people. For lots of GYE people it may be a powerful gimmick to trick the yetzer hora into leaving me along or something...but for me it is simple and literal. I am alive now and there is no such thing as "many days" or "a bunch of days". This does not mean that I do not plan for tomorrow or for next week. Rather, it simply means that I train myself to do today's job today, and tomorrow's job tomorrow....not any other way.

It's really an entirely different way of living - of being  - for me. In addiction it was ironically all 'in the moment': I could sacrifice many tomorrows for the comforting lust would give me right then...but the lifestyle filled  me with worry about the future, regrets about the past, and terror of getting caught in a lie. Terror of whether I will be satisfied sexually tomorrow - or ever. Worried about how my kids will turn out or if moshiach will chas v'sholom come before I finally "do Teshuva gemura"...it was very dramatic, very exciting, and very stupid.

Now my emotions come, they wash over me and I stand outside myself observing me having them...and my sponsor helped me see that feelings are not reality, but just feelings. They do not move me into tomorrow, and not into yesterday. They just are. This is how I feel right now. 

Perhaps my daughter will be married in 5 days like you, and there is fear and worry and regret and dissatisfaction, and excitement, and resentment. But all those things are fantasy - just like the naked women I was looking at in the porn, just like the sex scenes playing in my head while I masturbated...not reality. They were there because I needed excitement - or crisis.

Now i am learning to accept G-d's Will as it comes. And by 'G-d's Will' I certainly do not mean 'the mitzvos', and neither does Hashem! G-d's most pervasive and relevant 'Will' is simply how the events of my life are unfolding right now - today. Life on Life's terms, as they say in AA. This is obvious to anyone who really thinks it over. The GR"A calls it the contents of the dot in the 'Beis' in bereishis...the Zohar (and gemora) calls it "istakla b'orayso uboro almo". All of history is in the Torah - not the mitzvos, but what people call 'divrei reshus' is all G-d's Will as somehow expressed in the Torah: how fat you are, how rich or poor you are, if your daughter is happy or smart or not, or if the caterer is nuts or good or how much money you will need to spend, or save, your health and the traffic for all your guests and family the day of the wedding, the photographer being a jerk, someone vomiting on your (geneidigeh) machteinisteh in the mitzva tantz (c"v!...heheh), etc, etc...all factors that will have far more severe and noticeable consequences than what time sof z'man kriyas Shma will be....this is G-d's Will. The ikkar of G-d's Will that we have a horrid time accepting.

It's not about whether we choose to sin or not. It is whether we choose to live with the times - to accept G-d's Will today. Life as it really is....or if we whine our way through it whispering regrets and worries and disappointments all the way through. White-knuckling through life is our big problem, not white-knuckling through sobriety.

I know that once a person works the 12 steps and learns that he or she does not need to white-knuckle through life any more, they will find that staying sober is no problem at all....

And without acceptance of today being more than enough for me to think about, none of this is even touchable.

None of it. 

It's the basis for real living.

Dov wrote on 15 May 2016 18:00:

Great stuff ! And I get all that - that's a far cry from actually living it.

My point is, is there a motivating factor for me to work towards such a mindset ? There got to be a reason for me to take the minute to minute effort of living life on life's terms. And that is because living life on my terms has gotten me to a place where I can act out in crazy ways or crazy times.