hmm have to disagree here. Just because we have Kedusha doesn't mean we would not need to speak to G-D!

'Pure Daniel', all Doc/DC meant was that if we porn/masturbaters had all the kedusha we wanted without having to really depend on G-d for staying clean, then we would not feel that we needed to have a relationship with Him, at all.

What did you mean, chaver?

Doc, do you understand what I meant in the line being opened by honesty rather than holiness?

I am referring to the pasuk "Karov hashem lchol kor'ov - l'chol asher yikra'uhu b'emess" The concept here is that we never, ever need to 'merit' opening up a relationship with Hashem. Kedusha does not get the door open.

Honesty does.

I was not saying that there is no place or value to kedusha in our relationship with Hashem. It's just not the key that opens the door.

His 'seal' is emess. Like a family seal or signet ring, or coat of arms. It is the password into His company. And I'd suggest that the reason that sha'arei ona'ah (or sha'arei d'ma'os - same things per Rash"i) are never closed/locked is really because a person in true pain is more likely to be really honest.

In that case we all have a very precious gift! Our addiction 'forces' us to have a closer connection to Hashem

It does? Why'd you put 'forces' in apostrophes?

I know what you probably mean, though. Still, I'd like to ask.

Same reason why you put 'forces' in apostrophes

may the 'force' be with you

I understand that honesty with Hashem is crucial. Thinking about it though, doesn't that sound like the nuclear reset button? I mean i feel very open and honest with Hashem just after a fall but that doesn't make it good, so in some ways kedushah is what Hashem wants more than honesty. I suppose the ideal is to be honest with and about kedushah.

B"H I'm doing OKish. I've fallen 3 times since y"k. I still don't know how to get over the hump. Yesterday I felt myself falling and I knew that it was inevitable, so I spoke to Hashem about it. I said "by myself this fall is inevitable, I can't stop it. I can delay it for a few hours, maybe a few days but I can't stop it. Only You can stop it because nothing is inevitable by You, so I'm asking, please keep me sober."

So far Hahsem has answered me and kept me sober. So I think there is a big connection between being honest with Hahsem and kedushah.

I've been really busy recently and I'm under a lot of pressure. I'm also really tired today after going to bed at 3am so i'm really at risk today. Nothing I can do about that except being vigilant and davening.

I learnt from Dov, that HaShem does not keep us sober. we do.

HaShem restores our sanity!

For me that was a major difference; life changing.

Chesky
Welcome Back
didnt see u in a long time
how is it going

Dr.Watson wrote:


The "Nuclear Reset Button" idea is about how we unfortunately thrive on that very honest state we do feel after masturbating ourselves, and that no matter how holy we feel in that state, it is all part of the same sick cycle. It suggests further, that since we sincerely crave feelings of pure kedusha and hate the feeling of struggling with lust, we end up masturbating ourselves in order to get out of the struggle and into that holy, connected and honest state we often feel after masturbating. It's one of the only ways we know of that practically guarantees plugging into kedusha and teshuvah (with a 'v') again. A dirty cycle in which t'shukah (with a 'k') for avodas Hashem and kedusha leads us to end up masturbating again for years and decades.

Honesty with G-d leads us to admit the truth to Him instead of prattling party lines to Him about how "we just do not want to be nichshal in zera levatola chulila and are only concerned with His Torah being kept and therefore do not wish to become tomei, blah, blah. etc... He knows it is silly nahrishkeit. Your simple honesty is far better than all the heiligeh-sounding pronouncements.

We guys do far better to just admit to Him all the truth. How we want to use the shmutz because we love the way it feels when we are using it, but are afraid of what it will do to us and the way we feel afterward, etc. He of course knows it all, already! Why play with Him?

So honesty works because it creates a relationship that is real, for a change. Same with people.

And re: the last bolded line, I'd suggest that if you see that being honest with G-d is what has kept you plugged in to Him, then why worry about 'being vigilant and davening'? Maybe they are nice, and maybe your honesty is felt mostly during the davening - OK. But it is not the davening itself, but the honesty behind it that makes it work! Keep doing what got you here, being open and honest with Him all the way and you will be OK.

And BTW, the alcoholics have already discovered this secret of honesty regarding drinking, which is not a sin, not about kedushah, and they are mostly goyim anyhow...so it's apparently not about getting kedusha at all, but about getting simple sanity. Derech Eretz (which is kodmah laTorah).

Talking about honesty, apparently this boy was blind and was miraculously healed shortly before his bar mitzvah...




video removed...audio only. As he sings tears flow down both cheeks...

Is there a way to make the video choices after this video plays out not pop up on the screen? If not, maybe Guard would consider removing it just cuz this is, after all, Guard Your Eyes.

So far I feel quite good, but I'm far from where I want. I've had 3 'proper' falls since Yom kippur, which I'm quite happy about but truth is once is too many. Plus, I slipped waaaay too much.

I'm having a hard time right now. Not only have I started slipping the last few days but my body feels like it needs a release. It's actually starting to really hurt, which makes it harder to control myself, but at the same time I feel good to 'suffer' a bit in my quest to undo the damage i've done. I hope that avoiding the aveiroh despite the pain will help make up for the times I did the aveiroh for the 'good' feeling, but I know that thought has never helped me not fall in the past.

For me, I just need to finish this post and go to bed, another day without falling. I'm likely to wake up tomorrow in pain and with bad urges but I just to get through the one day. What kind of helps and hinders a the same time is the huge pressure I'm under right now work-wise. It helps that I have so much else to do, but i have to make sure it doesn't make me unable to think about what I'm doing. I haven't been able to phone the 12 step meeting for a while which s also a problem. But I think I just need to focus on the work I need to do and try and stay busy with that.

Dr Watson our phone conversation seems way overdue ...