Dr.Watson wrote:


Take it from a guy who spent many many decades doing that and more. But guess what! After a while of staying away from all that garbage, one can appreciate the freedom of getting off that sickening roller coaster. One can look back and acknowledge that all those false highs were not worth all the disappointments that followed. One can finally experience the pure serenity and happiness that comes with living a normal life, free from the clutches of the devil. All the pleasure of all those tens of thousands of naked women etc. is a drop in the toilet compared to the contentment of a holy Shabbos that comes after a full clean week. Try it and Enjoy!

Hatzlacha

MT

MBJ wrote:


I once went out with a really attractive woman.
But her personality was horrible, she was demanding, cruel, cold, ultra materialistic, always used to put me down.

When we first started dating I enjoyed the sex (I am not Shomer mitzvot) but after a while I really started to dislike her, and got so fed up with her that the sex became about me trying to hurt her, to take revenge for the way she treated me.

The relationship broke up very soon after I began this behaviour.

Trust me, looks are not everything.

And masturbating to videos/photos is just a make up wearing/airbrushed form of idol worship.

The high of orgasm from masturbating is NEVER worth the feelings of regret after.

Tonight I once again fell, met a stranger for sex.
Before it I was on autopilot, like a remotely controlled zombie unable to prevent it.

But I did something tonight for the first time.
In the middle of sex I realised what a load of nonsense it was, how I had no feelings for the other person and how it was a sin.
So I immediately stopped, put my clothes on and ran out of the door.

She was furious but so what...it felt good to me to do that, to realise my mind could control my lust, even though the lust won the battle at first, I was able to fight it and not orgasm either.

The war can be won.

Cool.

George,

That you were able to stop in the middle and walk away is incredible. That you were able to focus during the act and realize the emptiness and meaninglessness of it and then stop, WOW. I can't even do that in the middle of masturbation, let alone actually having sex.

You have to take that and move forward with it. You realize the emptiness of it. Now you have to find real things to fill the emptiness in your life that you are trying to fill with sex.

Good Luck
Eli

(Edited to remove the awkward unintended sexual innuendo that cordnoy pointed out.)

great thought and chizuk...like usual.

you might wanna change/edit that last paragraph though.

George, that is incredible! The ability to stop in the middle is amazing, I don't think I could ever walk away from that scenario.

Allow me to repeat what I said yesterday to someone here. When a sotah, i.e. a woman who was suspected of having extra-martial sex, is forced to drink the water in the beis hamikdosh, if she's guilty she dies, and if she's innocent she is blessed with brilliant children. R' Chaim Shmulevitz zt"l asks on this, why does the 'innocent' woman get such a blessing? Think about it, to get to that stage she had to be in close quarters with another man, after her husband specifically told her not to because he suspected her of having an affair. This is no tzadekes! Why is she entitled to a blessing just because she only did a small aveiroh and not the big aveiroh that we suspected?

He answers that it's true she should never have been in that situation. It was silly of her to even take it that far. Even so, there was a moment when she was alone in a room with a man, she desired him greatly and no-one could see them, they could do whatever they wanted and no-one would find out. The temptation was huge! But she stopped herself. She didn't go through with it. At that moment when the desire was at its strongest, she did the right thing. That's why she is so blessed by Hashem.

I often stupidly put myself in bad situations. I incite the yetzer hora against myself and put myself in a situation where it's almost impossible to not sin, and I feel like even if I stopped, I'd still be a rosho because it was a sin to even go that far. But that's not right. Whatever situation we're in, however we got there we always have a choice to do the right thing, and Hashem always wants us to do the right thing and if we do it, He will consider it a big mitzva.

George, you a huge tzaddik!

I did not read George's post because it seemed like I might end up reading it for the sex content, so I stopped as soon as I saw where it was going.

I do not doubt his good intentions and see that a few guys here have posted very positively about it. So great job, George (or whatever your name is) and more power to ya, brother!

But does anybody think the post needs to be edited for content? Let's remember that many young and old chronic, breathelss, porn readers who are not seriously considering stopping are also reading these hallowed pages, no?

Again, I am not accusing or assuming - just asking if anybody thinks it is too explicit, that's all.

Thanks,

Dov

PS. Hi George!

I do.

As the besh"t said, "You are where your thoughts are". And I'd rather not be there.

MT

I also had some thoughts that maybe this is a bit too explicit. But I suppose an argument could be made that it is "borderline" (whatever that means). I don't know what the standard is. I suppose that as admin, Dov, you have the right to set the bar however you see fit.

Thank you for the positive messages.

I see that some Forum users are worried that my above post contains questionable content, but I really do not feel there is anything in it that breaks Forum rules, and it contains nothing in the way of explicit language or description of physical activity in a pornographic way.

If others feel differently so be it.

I did write that I am not 'Shomer Mitzvot".
Well to clarify I am simply a Jew.
I put on Teffillin, daven, wave the Arba Minim etc. But I am not fully Shomer Shabbat.
If that excludes me from this site, then again, so be it.

We are all striving to to be Tazdikkim, in the meantime we are what we are and we are all here trying to improve our spiritual level and middot.

Let us be honest, none of us are here because we are prudes, we are all struggling with sexual sins relating to what we have seen or done and by the stage of us realising we need help and joining here, I doubt there is very much left that can shock us.

I know a lot of this Forum is devoted to "Making a fence around the Torah" and certain guards to avoid porn or sinful places, but personally my Yetzer Hara is very powerful and cunning and will try to trick me to break all those "guards."

I posted to show that even when it feels as if the Yetzer Hara is winning, and even when it really is winning and making one sin, one can still "Snap out of it" in the middle of a sin.
Punch the Yetzer Hara right on the side of the jaw like George Foreman did to Michael Moorer and put that Yetzer Hara flat on his back.
Then run away from that sinful place.

The mind is stronger than the body.

I think Dov was just concerned about people using your post to think about sex. The mind is stronger than the body except when you are not using it, which is most of the time.

George,
Welcome.
I haven't read the forum rules, so I cannot say one way or the other.
You wanting to improve makes you welcome to me here. [I actually cannot state that unequivocally at the present moment. I assume I could say it (that I want to improve), but actually doing something about it is a different story.]
Regarding the explicitness of your post, it is not the wording or the description. It is the act itself. It is similar to when I mention clubs, and I think I was reprimanded for that once, and they may be correct. I know when I read your post (without knowing who you are or what youre about), I said to myself, "wow, he actually went to a place with ...... and then....etc."
It probably is a trigger of sorts, similar to when I write about the places I visited in the past (and I daven that it should stay in the past).
For people who have never experienced it (and I daven that they shouldn't), that is a level that they might strive (in a perverted type of way) to reach.
I recently heard a line and Im not sure how it goes exactly, but something to the effect that it is preferable to stay in the fantasy, for reality stinks.

whatever it may be, keep on improving.

Hatzlachah to you and to all.

Dear George,

I do appreciate your honesty and have shared worse, myself - but to real people, and not here on GYE where you do not know the state of the person reading it. This is about good sense. There are many, many good and committed Jews here who are still masturbating and using porn chronically. Most of them have already worn out advice like "Fight! You can do it!", and most of them have already been through the mill of 'pep talks'.

Hearing someone tell us to 'bash the yetzer hora in the face' is really not a help. Well-meaning, but of no use.

By invoking will-power and The Mind, are you saying that you can write us a virtual porn novel here - and make it all kosher at the end by explaining that "I do not want to do any of this and turn my back on it! So I am sure you will be ok, too, for your mind and will are stronger than your bodies"?

If your mind is indeed stronger than your body, then let's just wait a few months and see how you do with your commitment. I am serious and that is not a threat, nor is it a challenge. It is simply the only way to know if your path works. And if it works for you, it still does not mean that it is good for anybody else...unless you actually personally know many other people using the same path with equal success.

I don't think George was promoting a recovery program. He was just feeling charged up and wanted to share the feeling with others.

George, how about using your mind to convince yourself to keep Shabbos?

I am sorry Ploni, but while there are very few rules here, George, I think, did not come here to work on his shemiras Shabbos.
If you would like to propose that, send him a private message.
Perhaps I am wrong, but I think it's a bit out of place.

Sorry again and thanks