A gitte voch, chevra .

after 1 month of closing my eyes after seeing what i shouldnt have seen, i decided to try without this commitment. I tried it out this shabbes and was matzliach.
I got some chizzuk from following 2 things:

I was in a tram. going to shul. and the this girls enter. somebody should donate them a skirt. or at least pants. so i turned my head to other direction. not any better. same half-nacked girls (ok, the girls WERE different girls.). I looked out of the window. had luck, no girls (strange.) and i thought to myself, why should i look at them and lust for them? they should look at me and lust for me!. I said already couple of times that strange things give me chizzuk sometimes. This case was not an exception. The whole shabbes i was exposed to girls. and i kept on saying this thing to me.

another thing. this one should help to everyone i think. just imagine and be mosboynen.
i saw that somebody was starring at my sister. mamash a porutz (a goy) I never in my life saw such an expression of someones face as he looked at a girl - it was uncovered lust (usually people, even prutzim have some busha not to show it). I wanted to kill him. I thought "how do you dare to look on my sister in SUCH A WAY? heee???? how can you lust for her??".
And then I realized.
Oy wey! whats with me??
I was not any better! (lemayse i was. i am not looking in such a way. i am a humble rosha...)

Anybody of you would like if a goy (or a jew, chas veshulem) would look at your mother or sister or daughter or WIFE and lust for them?
try to imagine.

Its so disgusting.
.
.
.

careful....your doing so well.......if your not going to fall anyway why take away the guard....just to feel extra strong?.......dont tempt the YH.
SORRY FOR BEING HARSH BUT WHATS THE POINT??????

No, no. I am not taking the guard away. The whole purpose of this "closing eyes"-issue was to convince myself, that I shouldn't gaze at them. After 1 month I hope it's clear to me. The moment I'll see the shemirah goes down, I'll start again.

Hm. I do takke feel that my shemiras eynaim became weaker. I am mekabel to close my eyes again. for 10 sec (but not when i am on bike).
Will I always have to do it? grrr..

I was trying to improve my shemiras eynaim for 1 month and believe me i was pretty good in it. was.
then i wanted to see if it goes without the knas. and well. now i have major difficulties.
have to start again from the beginning.

haShem yishmor mehirhurim ra'im

RT,

In this battle we fight, Shmiras Einayim is the front lines. The glance, the second look, the staring, have become ingrained habits that need to be broken. It needs to be a constant, conscious, effort. It's draining and exhausting. And it can never be perfect, and that can be so discouraging. Then we get burnt out, and stop putting the energy into it, and we start slipping without realizing it. Then we realize what has happened, and we need to re-strengthen our fences. We need to form new habits, of not looking where we don't need to, and of averting our gaze from the things that fascinate us so strongly. It takes lots of time and hard work to make that change.

So hang in there and keep working at it. Don't be discouraged when you slip, expecting instant perfection is a recipe for disappointment. Every single time you successfully avert your gaze, you are etching the new good behavior a little deeper into your psyche. Be proud of each sucess, think of it as a little Korban to Hashem, a sacrifice of your inner urge just for that moment.

I'm writing to myself as much as to you. I've been at this for well over a year and I have gone through the cycle of ups and downs many times. But I know that it is the key to staying clean, and I must put all my effort into it.

Hatzlacha Rabba and KOMB!!!! _{(Monstuh' Biking)}

Gevura!

Shkoach Gevura (!)

new clean week (hopefully).

my plan for the next week: (how to stay sober, from friday 17 august 'til friday 24 august)
1.shmirat eynayim. if not, 10 sec atzimas eynaim.
2.shmirat machshovo. not to think about girls/women. if not, for each "time" 10 euro tzedoke
3.each day at least 20 min recovery things. if not, for each day 20 euro tzedoke.
4.before each nefila to read 25 hizzuk mails. if not, 50 € tzedoke
5.before each nefila 50 euro to tzedoka. and then after a nefila another 50.

hagaha:biish'at nefila lo shayach number 2
heara: dawn to haShem.

a gitten shabbes.
and hatzlocho to you guys.

You know guys. There is this concept we hear here so many times "one day at a time"
Efshar this shtikkle of a thought was already spoken out, but I am not aware of it so i'll post it here:

lich'ure this idea was invented by moshe rabeinu!
haShem told him his name "ek'ye asher ek'ye" and moshe rabeinu said to him "haShem! it's enough to mention one trouble at a time" (was recently on daf yomi).

chatzlocha

Boruch Shekivanti. I have this pshat on my "Good Intentions" thread.

As they say, when you go in the right derech, you meet up with worthy folks.

Kol Tuv,

MT

new clean week (hopefully).

my plan for the next week: (how to stay sober, from friday 23 august 'til friday 30 august)
1.shmirat eynayim. if not, 10 sec atzimas eynaim.
2.shmirat machshovo. not to think about girls/women. if not, for each "time" 10 euro tzedoke
3.each day at least 20 min recovery things. if not, for each day 20 euro tzedoke.
4.before each nefila to read 25 hizzuk mails. if not, 50 € tzedoke
5.before each nefila 50 euro to tzedoka. and then after a nefila another 50.

hagaha:biish'at nefila lo shayach number 2
heara: dawn to haShem.


hmm. I just write it for myself. i dont think anybody reads it.
anywayz..chatzlocho.

Just wanted to say- I read it. Can't speak for the forum, though. :D

well, forgot to make new commitment on friday -.-



my plan for the next week: (how to stay sober 'til next motze shabbes)
1.shmirat eynayim. if not, 10 sec atzimas eynaim.
2.shmirat machshovo. not to think about girls/women. if not, for each "time" 10 euro tzedoke
3.each day at least 20 min recovery things. if not, for each day 20 euro tzedoke.
4.before each nefila to read 25 hizzuk mails. if not, 50 € tzedoke
5.before each nefila 50 euro to tzedoka. and then after a nefila another 50.

Yooo.

new commitment.

1.If has vesholem I'll fall, I have to give 200 to tzedoko - 100 before and 100 after (lav davka 1 pushke.)

This commitment is valid from today (09.09) till after sukkos/shemini atzeres.