gyegye2, I know its a big step. I cried when I told my rabbi and several times later when we talked about it. It is a very big step. My be you should start seeing to a therapist first. I am currently seeing one. Honestly, I never felt that strongly when I talked to him, but maybe you will. It will also help you get used to speaking about it to someone. Just make sure the therapist is kosher. If not, he/she will most likely try to convince you that M is o.k. There is a whole section dedicated to therapists. Think about it.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

gyegye2, I know its a big step. I cried when I told my rabbi and several times later when we talked about it. It is a very big step. My be you should start seeing to a therapist first. I am currently seeing one. Honestly, I never felt that strongly when I talked to him, but maybe you will. It will also help you get used to speaking about it to someone. Just make sure the therapist is kosher. If not, he/she will most likely try to convince you that M is o.k. There is a whole section dedicated to therapists. Think about it.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

Machshovo Tova wrote:


Dear gyegye2 or whatever your name really is,

MT just gave you real gold. And so did some_guy.

I just want to add to MT's sweet sharing of what works for him, that it needs to be done right. Walking around with the constant awareness that "I cannot tolerate even a single tiny sip of lust and I must be vigilant!" can backfire by putting lust on our minds all the time. Obsession is bad, period.

And do not be fooled to think, "This obsession is good, for it is an obsession with 'kedusha'."

It is not.

It always ends up being an obsession with tum'ah, actually. For what does porn or a desire to masturbate have to do with kedusha? Nothing. This is a subtle point to some people and sounds strange. But it is really simple. Wrestling with a muddy man to throw him out will always make us terribly muddy!

I hope you read MT's words carefully and note that he writes that the goal of growing up and not playing around with lust in any form, is this (and I quote him):

Being "busy with normal life/activity instead, we can enjoy peace and tranquility, and the urges become less intense and less frequent."

It's not really about 'distracting ourselves' from lusting or the 'yetzer hora'. Not at all. That way leads to obsession. Feh! Rather, it is about realizing - and accepting - that all our sweet lusting, porn, fantasy, and masturbation are the distractions! They are distractions from reality! That's why we screw up our lives and ourselves when we use them. Real life has none of that and needs none of that. Real life is good, because G-d is Good. Accepting that and working towards living that way is just plain growing up.

But it does not come naturally at all, especially to a fellow who has bneen busy self-pleasuring himself through life for years and years, like you and me. We need lots of help to do that. And you by yourself with 'G-d' is not enough (yet). If He was, then you'd not be in this mess to begin with, would you? We need other people to help - so open up for real and get some for real friends.

Hatzlocha!

Yes, Dov read me correctly. We should not be constantly obsessed with fighting lust, for that will backfire and defeat the purpose. We must be obsessed with sanity and normal life/activity. BUT we must constantly have in our back pocket the readiness to avoid lust when it rears its ugly head. A delicate balance indeed. My method for reinforcing this subconscious awareness is as follows: Every single morning when I say Modeh Ani, before I bend over to do Negel Vasser, I speak to Hashem in my mother-tongue and thank Him for past successes, and ask Him to help me serve him with all my senses, including my eyes and my mind, and that He should guard me from nisyonos/triggers/slips/falls/etc. This serves 2 purposes: 1. When we submit (or surrender) to Hashem and ask for His assistance to serve Him, He does grant our prayers and we B"H see positive results; 2. By doing this immediately upon awakening each morning, it becomes ingrained in our soul that this is our life-mission, and the entire day will be"H follow along this track.

Hatzlacha

MT

Now that's a Machshovo Tova!

Thank you. And I forgot to mention that I also pray every morning for all my GYE chevra when I say: ותן שכר טוב לכל הבוטחים בשמך באמת

MT

Machshovo Tova wrote:


I dare anyone to guess what single word I believe is the most precious word in your entire description of your sweet morning seder, MT. (Not that anyone will care to try, but) I'll give it a few hours, get back, and then share what that word is. JUst for fun. It's just one pivotal word in the part I bolded above.

That one word changes the derech from being a sex/kedusha obsession - into being a real acceptance of G-d's plan for a person that day; from us setting the terms and definition of 'avodas Hashem' (playing G-d) - into a humble acceptance of His Will being something we have no 'right' to nail down or define specifically (and no one really can define it even with the Torah, cuz life circumstances often alter what a Torah-response would be).

Ooh, this is fun!

serve?

Mother-tongue

(It's really 2 words but if we nit-pick we'll never learn anything)

help?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:


We learned on the forum today that if we nitpick then there's no ahavas yisroel

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/203432-Hashem-please-open-up-the-road-for-me%21%21%21?limit=15&start=60


My real guess is "ask" maybe "he" [should guard me] is this cheating?



but to get on Dov's nerves just a little before i leave then i'll guess "nisyonos" cause that's what this is all about isn't it?

OK, so (nice try, inastruggle, but no nerve this early in the morning here...) the word is "and". In this sentence:
"and that He should guard me from nisyonos/triggers/slips/falls/etc."

See, there are so many who end up back on the same holy-baloney hamster-mill, obsessing about their kedushas habris as though it is the very core of their avodas Hashem. They reason that, "The aveiro is so big it must be the only serious litmus test of my success or failure as an eved Hashem, no? And anyhow, here we are on GYE! Here is the place to obsess about kedushas haBris uber aless, no?"

And therein lies the problem I referred to before. Twisted yiddishkeit, immaturity running the show, the glory and romantic obsession with fighting the good fight against erotic self-stimulation, sexual tension, masturbation, etc insidiously replaces truly balanced avodas Hashem. It's self-will, not avodas Hashem, really. Maturity flies out the window in pursuit of the glory of 'winning' that seems to be the aim of so many references in Breslov, R' Ahron Rotteh, and other works. For, we reason, "isn't 'the Odom placed in the center of a great battle, fore and aft', as Messilas Yeshorim puts it?!" Nu.

So. Whether he realizes it or not, here MT tips his hand and lets a great secret of success slip out, I think. He writes that he "asks Hashem to help me serve him with all my senses, heart and mind, AND that He should guard me from nisyonos, slips, and falls, etc." He does not define serving him as rolled into one thing: not lusting, period! Rather, he sees it as another thing, an aspect of serving Him. B"H, MT does not picture himself as having one basic choice today: either serve Him by withstanding the urge to use his sexual imagination and private parts the wrong way. Rather, he sees that this issue is one part of being good.

[In fact, even in SA and the 12 steps, there is not a single step that addresses not masturbating (not drinking alcohol) beyond the 1st. The rest talk only of regaining sanity, choosing trust in God instead of trust in ourselves, and letting go of character defects so that we actually [i]accept [/i]G-d's guidance in our lives. That's it. There is no more, nothing about lust or alcohol in any of them. It's about right-living, not at all about beating the addiction to death.]

That maturity and balance is a great gift, whether he realizes it or not. Not many have it! And at a certain point, the more mental real-estate that a young, struggling yiddle pours into the valiant lust struggle, the more of his life and heart it consumes. The behaimo with disproportionate limbs is treif. Hashem yishmereinu!

Anybody else see that, too?

i'm just torn between agreeing to your point and trying to give you something to have nerves about...

OK that's not nice.

I see your point.

Dov: 1
Rest of us: 0

When's round two?

I could not care less who 'wins' - the fact that you understand the point of that post gives me super joy!

(hey you gotta get happy abt the little stuff, too!)

unfortunately i had a fall after 28 days
thinking about next step