I was once upon a time a baal teshuvah, and realized that yiddis
keit is beautiful. I grew up thinking that its ok to go to clubs and have illicit sex with complete strangers but I never wanted that. One day I joined a baal teshuvah yeshiva I thought "i hate these people" untill they made me feel like my true self a yid, a year later I made a good friend, we became best freinds until fell inlove with him. I told him how I felt, not knowing that it wasnt allowed, he told our rebbe and then my rebbe quitetly approched me about it . I didn't lie I told him every thing and that also I had A friend in 5th grade of who me and him "fooled" aroung with each other. He told me to stop this and to start davening for it to go, ive been doing that it worked a little but I still fantisize about my friend. Hes engaged and I thank him for telling our rebbe but will this ever go away, one of my rebbies from yeshiva told me it goes away after you get married, ive never actually had sex at all and plan on keeping it that way but I need help....

Hey and welcome to the forum. I would reccomend that you read the handbook. From what I understood from others it does not go away from marriage. You have to work on changing yourself. If you would like more advice pm me because I just started with a therapist and have similar fantasies. Hatzlacha and stay strong

I've been working on my self and I find woman attractive just I also find well u know what I mean, no one knows this in my family non of them are frum they go to clubs and always laugh at me for not , they teased me when I was a child calling me gay and what not,i didn't even know what it meant, then my brother told me, so these thoughts began.... The reason the person I liked was because he listened to me when no else did he made me feel loved when my family hated me, when he told our rebbe I felt the worst betrail I from that point entered such darkness and depression. Now its better but I still feel these urges I know they can't be normal.

Welcome eishhatorah!
There are plenty of guys here with SSA, and hopefully you will hear from them soon.
You may find this thread helpful to see where you stand:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4612.0 />
Consider reading Garden of Peace, a Marital Guide for Men Only by R' Shalom Arush. You will learn what it means to be a man, and a husband. I think this will be very helpful in dealing with this nisayon.

Keep posting, and let us know how you're doing.

Alex

Eish,

Your courage is inspiring.

Though I am sure you heard this a million times, and I am not in your shoes I am writing the following with a lot of love. (Not that type.

Hashem made man and woman as one physically, according to Kabbalah the every man has a woman soul that completes him. This cannot happen with a man.

Though I am not an expert in this area, it seems to me that some gay men are born that way but all are very confused in the meaning of Love and happiness. Like many of us.

from the limited amount that you wrote it sounds like you can be attracted to women, in time you will find a woman who will love you for who you are and you will connect in all areas in life.

This you feel attracted to men, it's like all cravings that are not healthy and destructive. Just because you crave poison or even love it doesn't mean you should take it.

Anyhow these are my two cents I hope this helps.

Good luck,

Hello Eish,
I'm a married kollel guy and father with a secret. I had an issue with ssa (same sex attraction) since I was 12. I never acted out my attraction, but I had a problem with p*** and ma*****. There is an organization for us frum people with ssa, it's called JONAH their website is www.jonahweb.org. I recommend that you contact them. I've been working with a therapist connected with Jonah for about a year now and he has helped me tremendously. I can tell you from my own experience that your rebbe is wrong, marriage doesn't get rid of ssa. If you have any questions feel free to ask me.

It got so bad that when I was beis medrash I was basically going crazy cause were all guys there and "friends" I felt attracted to almost all the guys there, I, fought for 7 months (quietly) to keep it just friend s then one day I lost it and masterbated.... It was like p**n all around me..... I felt so ashamed so I left now I'm learning locally In my home town....

Hello Eishhatorah and welcome aboard!

As you can tell by now you are far from alone here. I am in my 40s, married with kids, and I too have been dealing with SSA since my early teens. I never acted out with another person, but I fantasized and m*** incessantly and later on got hooked on internet g** p*** as well. I never even entertained the thought that it would be possible to stop until about a year ago when Hashem led me to this wonderful site and I discovered that I was not alone, and that it was indeed possible to cope with this Nisayon and live a Torah-true life.

I totally identify with your struggle in Yeshiva, i remember those days well. To have held back for 7 months...I barely ever managed a week or 2.

As for marriage, i can confirm what the "other" Eish said, marriage alone will not make it go away. You are lucky to begin to work on it now while you are single. I would also recommend that you look into JONAH, it's not for everyone and it's not a guaranteed cure, but it could definitely help. I just finished reading Arthur's book "Light in the Closet" and I found so much there that resonated with my childhood experiences and with my personality, and just understanding how these elements play into the development of SSA has really helped me cope with it.

Stick around and keep posting, isolation and loneliness is our worst enemy. And Keep on Trucking!

Gevura!

P.S. if you are interested you can find my whole story here: http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4125.0

Am I over thinking this, I can't learn normally for the past 3 days...

I admit I have ssa I once had my chaver from yeshiva come into my room, he works out alot, he came in with only his boxers on, I went crazy I didnt know what to do he was second year I was first so he basically just sat there I couldn't help but wish he just took me then and there, but then I got up and yelled (im usually shy...) Get the hell out he thought I was insane I felt so bad but I couldn't stop mas*****ing cause of, him I made an announcement that all guys should dress appropriatly (even though I wanted them to be naked) I basically killed my yetzer hara even though u know the feeling when you want it more then anything, from they moment every 1dressed very good, my whole point is give a,little get a, lot I gave up my taiva I got a peaceful mind

hey there eishhatorah,

A lot of people with similar struggles to yours have made really good points and you should definitely keep posting and sharing.
I just want to comment on your last post and say, firstly, that your decision that time in your dorm to ask everyone to dress appropriately was very courageous and I'm positive that the power of that move is still with you. But I also want to point out that it's very important not to underestimate the power of small steps in the right direction.
Try not to get caught up in big courageous moves that will "yank" you out of your problems. Those circumstances are few and far between and we don't always have the strength to make such courageous decisions.
But if you focus on also making many small moves in the right direction, you will also see a consistency in your improvement. We all want to make big changes fast, but it doesn't work that way. Yes, you will get opportunities, but don't count on them.

Much Hatzlacha,

KH

I started reading an amazing book that had to do with all of lifes issues based on todays day and age its called GPS its very helpful, and I ended up leaving from that beis medrash it had over 700 guys so it was too much to handle

I feel so much better now that I found out about jonah, I want ssa outta asap baruch hashem!!!

Eishhatorah wrote on 30 Apr 2012 06:05:

Insane gevura. I can’t imagine...
Ashrecha!