20 days... 8)

AWESOME!
Care to share the "secret" to your achievement?
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

ok guys....its day 21 and the going is getting pretty tough. What's my secret? Talking to people who have been in worse situation than me and they got out of it and doing what they tell me. They seem to be the only ones i can trust. Its really suprising at how much one little phone call can do. Because of all kinds of complications, etc its so far only been one phone call, 21 days ago. and look how far its sprung me. today, g-d willing i am calling back to that same person.

Its really tough. Im sitting here at a computer doing some of my part-time work and I already know i can beat the k9. but im going one moment at a time. no, im not surrendering to you. what would i tell my sponsor when I call him tonight? that i fell? [U]C'V!. I have to tell him im still going strong. Give me another few minutes. If he could do it, so can I.

You see, reading stories, hearing mashpiim and rabonim speaking about it is just not the same. Even a shiur about not giving in to the yetzer horo. In fact i even heard a shiur of giving up the fight to hashem in the inyan of eating not healthy food, and it made somewhat of an impact on me. But, how do i know that this method can also work for me? and for my addiction? Maybe its only for food? Maybe this rov has never really done it before? But speaking live with a person who has been there, done that, and recovered. That person i can trust whatever he tells me. He got out of the mud.

Its like, a homeless person who has no hope. A prince comes on a horse and wagon to save him and make him rich. He teaches him the language, puts clothes on him. but, the homeless person doesnt really have that much hope. 'i could ever be like these guys?' So he runs away back to his pit of mud. Again and again, someone begins to lift him up but the homeless person always gives up...'i just cant change. someone like me stays the way they are'. slowly, he begins to read stories of other homeless people who made a life for themselves. he begins to belieive that it is shayach. but, still he remains wallowing in the mud and streets and sleeping under newspapers. Finally, comes someone to save him. He tells the homeless person 'i, too was homless like you!' This person, the homeless person can trust with full heart and soul. He sticks to this new friend and doesnt let him go. And this friend brings him to the palace, where the homeless person begins to feel at home.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!
LALALALLAALLALALLLALALALLALLALALLLALALALALA
just another five minutes......hashem take the lust from me just today.
just today. just today.
im going to call my sponsor tonight and tell him im clean for 21 days.

no no can i really do it?
yes i can.
well...actually i can't.
i can't do it. i cant remain clean one day. not even one second.
Only Hashem can do it. i need Hashem's help.
Hashem help me. I dont want to sin. i want to do your will. i want to raise a yiddishe family. i want to continue doing my shlichus in olam haze . but i cant do it alone. please hashem help me. give me just another couple of hours. and please make sure my sponsor answers the phone then. thanking you in advance hashem,
your eved >insert real name here<.

well, if its only one moment then its not so difficult after all, is it?
hmmm.........not at all 

can u believe that im actually being mekayem a mitzva by not doing anything?
ok...i better get off this forum and do some work!

You hanging in there?
I'm rooting for you, and I wouldn't want to see you fall after three weeks.
Yivarechecha hashem mitzion!

Amazing! Keep hanging in there, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I'm right there with you buddy (Day 4).

And I love that moshol! 

KOMT!!!!

Gevura!

Day 22...my sponsor didnt answer dont know what happened to him, i was going to call someone else but there was just to much to do in the house.

so... 22 days. hmmm. BH
Thanks to GYE, i have been able to surrender to Hashem whenever there is a test. There have been times when i have had a sober streak for a while, but it is always like a hisorerus milimila. then, i am met with a test and boom. it would happen whenever i knew i was about to have access to a computer by myself in my house. i would feel the temptation. i would start crying on the inside. no. i cant. no no no. but then i got to a point where i just shut off from the real world and said 'to h*** with everything, just for 10 minutes. im doing what i want.' and thats it. i wouldnt know what to do. despite all the chasidus ive learnt. which is really something quite extraordinary.
Now, I know what to do in a test 'just 5 minutes of surrendering to Hashem.' Hashem help me(and this time i mean it) i cant do it by myself'. i remember my sponsor and when will we next speak (he better answer the phone...... > dont take it personal, sponsor ) i have to tell him about all the success i have had.
Another thing, i now understand chasidus (for that matter my gemorrah learning and abilites to teach have just soared in the past 3 weeks) in a way that i didnt before. GYE has opened up the door for me for my hiskashrus to the abeshter, including avoidas hatefillah, learning, being a father, being a husband, helping around the house. ah... GYE has given me life.

helpme! wrote on 23 Feb 2012 20:55:

Sooner or later they all come to notice it, sooner or later..... 

Day 24
yep, thats right day 24!
on Friday (day 23) i had a minor fall...my wife bought something from a store whose plastic bag i noticed had a very very very appealing picture which is a real danger for me. i looked away, prayed to hashem, etc. what i have learnt to do in the last 24 days. Every time i got near the bag i started praying, giving myself to hashem. I had a real weak moment, where i just picked up the bag and started looking for the image. it took a couple minutes and i got a glimpse of it. as soon as that happened, i took a hold of myself realised what i was doing, and looked away. I remembered one look does for me what one sip of alcohol does for an alcoholic. NO. Hashem is the boss. As would happen during my pre-gye days, my YH suggests to look at it again but, i gave myself over to hashem and immediately scrunched up the bag and threw it in the garbage! I put stuff over it so no-one would see when they opened up the garbage (you see, we keep plastic bags in this house. if i hadnt of done that it would still be here and triggering me).

This m"s i also fell a strong urge. i began to feel the pain, suffering why cant i just look at my old 'friends'. I decided to go onto GYE. 5 minutes, ok? BH the urge went away. not completely, but its real weak.

i see that lately i am getting more and more tests and holding my ground. its probably neccesary to begin SA, get more sponsors, do more steps, etc. one of the things that is really mechazek me is every time i go on GYE i log in to the 90-day chart, select 'still clean' and see the number rise. i mean, 22 days was amazing for me. but today it went to 24. imyh and only beezras ubechasdei hashem, day by day, hour by hour, 5 minutes by 5 minutes and, if need be, second by second.

Great work do not listen to YH.He will tell you that what you really want is to look at those pics.So when he starts telling you those things ask yourself is that true is it really what I want.What do I want and when you decide what you want do not let in any other thoughts.Hatzlochah

God created the world so that Man can choose with his free will to keep the world running.
Your'e the purpose of creation, Man!
Choosing to control the yetzer, not letting him control you.
way to go.
see ya in gan eden.

Mefatfait Beyitzro wrote on 26 Feb 2012 22:02:

Am I invited to the party?