Day 22...my sponsor didnt answer dont know what happened to him, i was going to call someone else but there was just to much to do in the house.
so... 22 days. hmmm. BH
Thanks to GYE, i have been able to surrender to Hashem whenever there is a test. There have been times when i have had a sober streak for a while, but it is always like a hisorerus milimila. then, i am met with a test and boom. it would happen whenever i knew i was about to have access to a computer by myself in my house. i would feel the temptation. i would start crying on the inside. no. i cant. no no no. but then i got to a point where i just shut off from the real world and said 'to h*** with everything, just for 10 minutes. im doing what i want.' and thats it. i wouldnt know what to do. despite all the chasidus ive learnt. which is really something quite extraordinary.
Now, I know what to do in a test 'just 5 minutes of surrendering to Hashem.' Hashem help me(and this time i mean it) i cant do it by myself'. i remember my sponsor and when will we next speak (he better answer the phone...... >
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/sad.png)
dont take it personal, sponsor
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
) i have to tell him about all the success i have had.
Another thing, i now understand chasidus (for that matter my gemorrah learning and abilites to teach have just soared in the past 3 weeks) in a way that i didnt before. GYE has opened up the door for me for my hiskashrus to the abeshter, including avoidas hatefillah, learning, being a father, being a husband, helping around the house. ah... GYE has given me life.