helpme! wrote on 17 Apr 2012 14:07:


What do you mean by "the phone group in Israel"?

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous wrote on 17 Apr 2012 20:56:

There is a phone conference for 12 steps in Israel on Monday afternoons I hope to call up next week

day 81
;D
I cant believe that ive come this far. According to my calulations, i have never actually been clean for such a long time. Tomorrow is my first SA meeting on the phone, i cant wait.

Whenever i begin to feel and remember 'wow, i am on day __' i begin to get lust attacking me. And then i remember that today is really the first day. Today i am going to be miskasher to the Abeishter. Just for today. Its the only thing that works.

One of the really suprising things that have hit me on my journey, despite reading about it, is how difficult the battle begins to really be when my wife is tahor. When she is assur to me, after a few days there isnt really a battle. Every now and then i get lust, pray to Hashem, and go a few minutes at a time and thats it. But when my wife is mutar to me, then its a real nisayon. I lie in bed nearly every night and just daven. really hard. Asking Hashem to help me for just a few more minutes at a time until i fall asleep, thinking torah baal peh to protect me.

Kol hacavod to GYE and its founders. I heard (from a reliable source - yet to see it) that the AriZal says that this sin is stopping moshiach from coming. that it is a very rare expression, that something has the ability to stop moshiach from coming, especially when 'we long for Your salvation all day long' (shmonei esrei) and believe that Moshiach is coming right now (13 principles of faith - Rambam). And 'positive is infered b the negative' and i am sure that GYE's avoda hakdosha is helping to bring about the ultimate redemption, speedily in our days.

Day 0 :-[ :-[ :'(:'(

I called into Yechezkiel before the fall...and it helped a little bit, but 1 hour 10 minutes on the computer and...
I guess I never really did any of the steps...havent called into a phone conference, dont have a taphsic method so...i guess this is no surprise. As they say it doesnt matter how much you fall, it matters how you get up. 'yerida zu letzorech aliyah',
There is, bh a new phone conference in Israel beginning next week which is at a more appropriate time for me which shouldnt be a problem for me to join.
OK...so whats now, for the next week bli neder
1. Find someone I can speak to here in Israel
2. Read the handbook at least 10 minutes a day
3. Figure out a taphsic method
4. Phone the SA phone group today for the first time ever

Thats it. I am addicted and need serious help. BH im here where the help is at!

helpme! wrote on 23 Apr 2012 10:01:


Look how you have grown. You have 81 more clean days that will accompany you forever. In mathematical terms you are so close to perfect it is amazing.
81 days * 24 hours/day = 1944 hours 1944-1.167 hrs (fall - at most) / 1944 =.9993998628.
You have been 99.9399% perfect in this area. We should be celebrating your great accomplishment not lamenting what you "lost". Until i found this site i was in general 99% not perfect.
Keep up the great work, with the additions to your avodah you are certainly going to go far, Ad Meah v'Esrim Shanos(one day at a time)
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

Join the Duvid Chaim calls! A new cycle starting TODAY (Monday, April 23).

Here's a crude cut-and-paste of the info from a recent GYE chizuk E-mail:

TOMORROW! The launch of the BIG BOOK STUDY GROUP 12-Step Phone Conference (Monday, April 23)

Have you been trying to recover without success? This is your chance to learn what REALLY works!

Mondays through Thursdays:
8:30 AM (Steve), 12 PM (Duvid Chaim), 10:20 PM (Shlomo)

See this page for more info

For all our calls, see this page

And if you want to help your wife deal with what she has to go through, have her join GYE's new S-Anon Phone Conference calls, starting tomorrow as well!

Good News! We will be using a new call-in number and PIN which allows people to call in from almost anywhere in the world as a LOCAL CALL!

U.S: +1 209 255 1000

Canada: +1 559 670 1000
Israel: 076 599 0060
South Africa: +27 87 825 0150
Australia: +61 1300 051 796
United Kingdom: +44 (0) 784 843 2913

The Participant Access Code for ALL countries is the SAME: 637207#

For other countries, see this page.

Looking forward to seeing you on board!

Good luck,

--Elyah

what a great first run! put this streak in your little bag, and refer to it on your nest shot! even if you fall 1000 times, you must get up again!
jack

Hi all,
fell again.
I am a big baal gaiva. (Hence, beginning the sentence with I. So many people think so much of me. etc etc. So its just natural that i do as well... :-. I thought i had it 'knocked down'. 82 days clean. Just need a little chizuk from SA and thats it. I have to learn that I cant be clean for one second without hashem's constant help, constant reading and doing what it says in the attitude handbook and gye guide.

So, for my first time ever, yesterday (before fall number 2) i tuned in to a phone 12 steps GYE SA conference here in israel(in hebrew). I was walking at the street at the time, so did not participate in the conference. One of the things that striked me the most is that they asked 'how much are you willing to give to deal with lust?'. This question shot through me. How much am i willing to do? Well....there was a time, perhaps a couple of months ago, that i would have given a lot. But now... and then i hear on the phone that the others are pretty much saying the same thing. At the beginning they were willing to give everything, now .... I was just thinking how much work i have when one of the participants mentions that he has so much work to do, commitments, how much he is really prepared to give is next to zero. I was pretty much in the same boat. I missed a whole lot due to bad reception, but i remember the conductor saying that this is something we have to work on. without it nothing will work. i started to think about all the efforts i had done in my 82 days. not much. called 1 person. asked hashem for help. at the beginning i begged and begged every day. then, only when i had a nisayon. then, a fall. Thats it. No taphsic method. no reading the attitude handbook. no reading the guide. Started giving advice on GYE like i am free from everything. But really ive done nothing in comparision to what i should and could be doing. And how much i want to do? When i think of were i could end up in. Away from my wife. my family. My parents could very well disown me. I have been on drugs before and, if sent from my wife, who knows were i could end up? When i think of that...a lot...and where i could be if this lust goes away....a shaliach...a father...a husband...a Jew....and i think about it a lot...i start to realise just how much i want this. But i have to think about it a lot. and all the time.

So...
realisticly. i have to be realistic about what i am going to do and honest about my limitations so...
Im fairly unorganised anyway, so to make a whole lot of general comitments is a little bit foolish for me in my opinion. So, i am making for myself projects.
I am still contemplating a full taphsic method. Until then, i am considering making the following one:
30 minutes before a fall i must open the daily sicha from the Lubavitcher Rebbe (about 10 minutes) and listen to it in Yiddish while reading the translation. then, i must call one of the numbers i recieved from Yechezkiel, from the GYE hotline in Israel.

This is a beginning, i know i have to add, etc. Money is just not an option for me. Too little wont hurt and too much isnt shayach. Its just that until i add things it could take a week or so, so i decided that in the meantime i will do this. After hearing the Rebbe's voice for 10 minutes and understanding what the Rebbe is saying from the translation, would i still be mesugal to sin? Perhaps. but the chances are for sure a lot less! Any thoughts?

My projects, imyh:
I want to call my very close Rabbi/mashpia, who helped me and brought me close to Yiddishkeit, and calls me his 'best student ever'...and make an appointment with him. And tell him everything. I never really felt i could, i was always ashamed. But thanks to GYE i know that this is an addiction, not a flaw in my character. and i can tell that to him. And after that, i can add something else to the taphsic method: After learning the sicha, talking to someone from the hotline and i still want to sin...i must call my rabbi and tell him what i am going to do. This is a big thing for me. But i have decided it has to be done. I was waiting for 90 days to go by but....
Next, there is a new phone conference GYE 12 steps in Israel beginning next week by one of Dovid Chaim's students on Monday at a very convinient time for me. I am going to call in and, bli neder be able to speak.

As for the 10 minutes i mentioned earlier of looking into the handbook i have to be honest that i did not do that. Maybe it should be 2 minutes. more realistic. 2 minutes for now. bli neder.

Another thing: No crying over spoilt milk. Whats done is done. What will be done ....ah

thankyou for listening. i need your support at this time. and i need comments, advice, suggestions, etc etc.

btw...last time i did a silly taphsic method (involving writing out 'i am a jew' 500 times) which did not work. i didnt consult anyone before doing it. i just made it. so i would like to hear advice, opinions, etc before actually making the shevua.

Also behashgocho protis i just read today's chizuk and it had something about confessing secrets to your rov..:

One should relate before ones teacher who instructs him in the way of HaShem, or
even before a good friend, all of one's thoughts that are contrary to the Holy
Torah that the Yetzer HaRah causes to arise in his mind or heart. [This is the case
whether they occur] when he is learning Torah, or praying, sitting in his bed or
during the day. And he should not withhold anything because of shame. He will find
that by relating these things he will gain the power to break the strength of the
Yetzer HaRah so that it will no longer be able to overcome him another time. This
is besides the good advice you will receive from your friend, which is the way of
HaShem. This is a wonderful remedy

I guess im on the right track then...

ok...
day 1
today, i asked hashem to help me, i focused and thought deeply on how much i want to be connected to Him, especially during Shachris.
Then, i made up my mind to fall. im sure you are all aware of that feeling. I even opened up the internet and began my usual path at picking away the k9, which takes a while. by hoshgocho protis, before i saw anything i needed the toilet. after that, i decided to make my taphsic shevua NOW a hin and a her and i made it. that today, if i 'fall' chas veshalom within 30 minutes beforehand i must listen to the Rebbe's daily sicha on www.sichos.com/dailysicha.htm and look at the translation. I immediately went to the sicha, and was angry at myself because i just wanted to fall already! I opened up the sicha. It happened to be about taharas hamishpocho and how it affects future generations. 2 minutes 41 seconds into the sicha i had already lost all desire to sin. I figured i shouldnt go and finish the sicha because.... :

See, Hashem is showing you that you ARE connected to Him! Nothing "happens to be". Hold on tight, He will pull you up!

Gevura!

Id like to share some of my thoughts...
i know im fairly new in all of this recovery stuff but..
there have been many times where i have thought 'thats it, ive found the thing that will conquer this forever'. sometimes its been a good davening, learning, memorising Torah bal peh, reading material on GYE, etc. Lately, it was the 90-day journey, speaking to one person, etc.
Now i thought it was my new taphsic method
but, thats not true. there is no magical cure that you just do and thats recovery. recovery needs constant growth. More steps. more commitment. chosing a method that works well is good. but it might only last a day. 10 days. 80 days. but if we want to move forward, we must constantly grow in our recovery. think about how much we want this. do more steps. commit ourselves more to what we are doing. as for me, i need to develop my taphsic method, read more material on GYE. I think the taphsic method could be something constantly developed and added to all the time, making it bigger and scarier as time progresses...we have to make constant cheshbon hanefeshes as to where we are heading to. G-d willing, Monday 1-30pm i am tuning in to the new GYE live phone conference in Israel.

Thankyou, gevurah shebesod for your encouraging words

I want to note that i have been focussing on this part of davening the past few days, crying out to Hashem 'mabetza bedami, berideti el shachas?!' what is achieved by my blood? [what is achieved] by my decent into the depths of G-----? My cavana is screaming out to Hashem: what is the point of You sending me back into the g----- of p--n! in my spiritual death! 'hayodcha afar, hayagid amitecha?!' Will dust acknowledge you, and tell of your truthness? When You let me fall, I am like dust, and cannot acknowledge You, connect to You and Your truth. 'shema Hashem vechaneni, Hashem heyay oizer li!' Hear Hashem and have mercy on me. Hashem HELP ME!!!!!! ..... 'Hashem Elokai leyolam odeka!' Hashem, my G-d I will forever acknowledge You! After I ask Hashem to help me, He becomes my G-d and I will forever be connected to Him. Day by day

May Hashem truly 'help me!'

Helpme,

I admire your commitment and willingness to do what it takes. I have found that when I make a vow about this, it immediately sets me at peace. The vow to call your rebbe before you act out sounds like it has the potential to be very effective, assuming you can reach him. This may not work if you are gripped by desire at 1 AM.

I am struck by how your struggle intensifies when Mrs Helpme is tahor. This, and some other nuances, suggests to me that you haven't fully given up lust. Are there areas of your daily life where you're still sneaking hits of lust? On the street? On the computer? In the house? In the bedroom? If you continue to feed it even small morsels, eventually it will be strong enough to demand a meal. Even "benign" surfing can feed lust. Just allowing yourself to swim in those waters. If you don't absolutely have to be on the computer, get the h*** off and out of the room.

BTW, I find your insights and chizuk on other's threads very on target. So please don't stop helping just because you're not perfect.

With love,
Alex

OK...Im quite suprised, and thankful to H and just how effective the taphsic method is. I still have the simple shevua of listening to a sicha of the Lubavitcher Rebbe for 10 minutes before a fall. Today, I was left alone with the computer and wanted to fall. I quickly made the shevua until 6pm today and all the thoughts went away. I have to work on being sure to make the shevua a few minutes before each one runs out. And i need help thinking about expanding the taphsic shevua...