Thanks for the info yoni, I will look all of it up, and I think I will also start small with davening as you do, to help easy myself back into the practice. It's a bit intimidating when you have no rabbi and haven't done it in ages, in my siddur the shacharis is almost 300 pages long! (I have the interlinear Artscroll version) When I went to Chabad they went so blazing fast through all of it that I had no idea what they were doing, and it felt at times that they were just skipping entire sections. I guess I should go back to shul one of these days.. just trying to take one thing at a time. I fell twice again since my last post. Haven't davened at all or done any communicating with hashem. Going to have to change this.

Start by just talking to Him. In your own words. Just tell Him what's on your mind (He already knows, but He wants you to tell Him anyway). He's always there, and He can do ANYTHING!


Gevura!