I sometimes get very uncomfortable around others I lack the confidence that others have.
I sometimes wonder whether there is something inherently wrong with me.

I am just not as outgoing, friendly, or funny as other people. I often feel like the odd man out. I usually don't like going to Simchas because the interaction with others is a burden.

I end up feeling lonely and isolated there is not much going on in my life and I see no future.

Have you gone through similar stuff?

Yes!! Very much so!! Im sure though, that this is part of a lack of self-confidence. A friend of mine once told me: "People usually care". What he meant was that people, though it might seem otherwise, usually appreciate your company more than you know.

These social skills can be practiced too, if I notice myself feeling overwhelmed by something (it might be something little as phoning someone), I take a step back and tell myself: "You are who you are, G-D created you, don't be ashamed of yourself! Now go phone ... you won't die!"

Perhaps you should, especially when you don't feel like it, go talk with them? You'll be surprised how outgoing you can be

i usually have those kind of thoughts and feeling when I am lusting and slowly wearing down my senseof self.

Hi Tried,  I can definitely relate.  I don't have time for a long post right now, but maybe I'll chime in later.  I do think people view us much more positively than we view ourselves.

Tried, you are describing me so exactly. I'm painfully shy, to the point where it's a struggle to make a phone call (for some reason blogging is easier, it's less personal?). I sit by a simcha, or even at Seuda Shlishis in shul, and most of the time I'm just quiet and let the conversation swirl around me. Sometimes there can be a conversation going on on one side of me, and another one on the other side of me, and I am left out of both and I just sit there lonely and miserable. I can be friendly and funny with people i know for a while and am comfortable with, but it takes a while to get to that level.

Lately I am seeing some improvement in this area because I am working on it consciously, it's one of the things that got me into the mess that brought me here. I don't know if fighting the SSA/LA problem has made this one easier, or maybe working on the social issues is helping the other thing. Chicken or egg? I guess they go hand in hand. I'm sure the same thing applies to many of the "regular" LAs here too.

KVT & KOT!!!!

Gevura!

count me in too. especially what Gevura wrote, you could have been talking about me. but lately i see improvement.

seems like a lot - or all - of the problem is in our head. we are not half as weird/out-of-place/different as we sometimes think. it just builds on itself, if we feel different it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Reccomendation- Read the story The Turkey Prince by Rebbi Nachman.  Once we accept our limitations and move on we can become (or at least function) like the princes we really are.

I would assume that every single addict that read this post had those exact feelings at one point or another. Explanantion; when your stooped in your addiction you feel like a fraud. You don't think that you are ever acting genuinely in public because you always feel like your hiding something. So most of the time you shy away from social encounters because, quite honestly, you don't want anyone to see to much. And when you're able to be outgoing and social and still survive without anyone prying your 'secret' out of you, then whoa you feel dang good about yourself! What a performance!

Naturally, when you are involved in the recovery process and developing the honest inner you, your confidence will grow and you suddenly will be more and more socially adept.

Yossi
 

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 23 Sep 2011 14:22:

Stop talking about me in first person!

It's called low self esteem.
Acting with no integrity (believing one thing and doing another), will fuel low self esteem. After all, what self respecting person ignores what they really want, in favor of momentary whims?
When you sin, especially a heavy sin, you are severely mistreating and degrading yourself. You are chipping away at who your inner self. It's no wonder that you don't feel comfortable with yourself.
The more you build integrity, the more you will rebuild a healthy self image and be comfortable with yourself.
Also, a great tip that really works:
If you want to see some quick improvement, look at your reflection in the mirror once a day, smile and say "I love you". If you can't say that, just say "I can really learn to love you".
Make the smile as sincere and loving as possible. You can even look at yourself as a little child who you are trying to reassure and give security to. Because you are that little child...

If we ever have a GYE in-person get-together we are all going to just stand there and stare at each other and nobody will be able to say a word..... ??? :-[

then I can come! :-[

Ill start a keep on trucking chant and the oilam will get involved! KEEP ON TRUUUUUUUUUUCKING, KEEP ON TRUUUUCKING, LETS GO RECOVERERS,