Thank-G-d we do not have to tackle lust. Ever. When we start taking the actions you and mechazek have described, there is no need left in us to run to lust any more. Hashem takes it away.

I pity the fools who want what the RMB"M calls 'teshuvah gemurah' even more than they want to remain sober. They do not often realize they are doing that, but wonder why they flop on their bejinds so gard, when all they were doing was to try to really understand why they lust and what they are reaching for in it....when they end up back in the porn.

"Keboreiach min ha'esh," Chaza"l tell us - only pyromaniacs stands by the place they set on fire to watch exactly how it burns. Normal people run like hell. (pardon my arabic)

When you talk of getting free of it, and then 'tackling the lust', it reminds me of that, so I thought to mention it here.

Be satisfied to be a ignorant sober person. It's actually quite nice to be this kind of 'ignorant'!

hi jew boy just saying hi.Have a great day.

dov wrote on 15 Aug 2011 16:38:


I know Dov has suggested opening up to your family and this is obviously not something you've done.  Would they send you to (pay for) a frum therapist if you told them there are some issues you would like to work on?  (Of course if you told them what you want to work on they'd sell the dishes to pay for it!)  Very important that it be a frum therapist, not someone who will try to get you to accept what you're trying to get rid of.

On a separate note, you're either going to be very sober or very buff pretty soon!

Have a great day!
Alex

Hey mechazek, I hope you enjoy your day as well.

Dov, I see what you're saying, and I thank you for the encouragement you are giving me to go forward with my plan.

Unfortunately, I fell yesterday. Super Hard. And I don't think I can follow the neder. Simply speaking, the yesser hara was able to trick me into thinking that the neder doesn't apply (acting out is an ambiguous term, i should have used mz"l). I think I'm going to try to do this another way. (A side note is that the yesser hara was pushing me to act out, saying that I needed to work out anyway, so I should act out. You see how wily he is, no?) I think I am going to fight the problem by working on what Dov said was my flaw. Unfortunately, as Alexeliezer very correctly stated, this requires a frum therapist, and I MUST deal with this without my parents. I would die of embarrassment trying to explain this to them (they are not American, they are middle-eastern, and over there, homosexuality is cured by death or excommunication).

Don't know what to do.

Jew Boy

I don't know your parents, and I certainly understand your resistance to opening up to them.  But what about telling them there are some personal issues you want to work on with a therapist?  The therapist is not allowed to discuss your issues with your parents without your consent, and you can confirm this with him (or her) prior to beginning.

hi jewboy,
      I love seeing people who are struggling join this forum,but even more exciting is when I see a person open up on the forum have some succsess and then fall,AND THEN COME RIGHT AWAY AND WRITE About IT!!!!!way to go man.

alexeliezer wrote on 17 Aug 2011 18:56:

Yeah,JB, you can definitely just tell them there's some "issues". Especially if you or your siblings have ever been to therapists before, your parents won't be flipping out. You can even come up with something else that isn't so bad and tell them you want to work on that issue with a therapist and then go ahead  and mention that issue to the therapist as well, just so you won't be lying. (Self esteem for example:tell your parents that you need to work on self esteem (which might really be the case with you) and then go ahead and mention that to the therapist in addition to whatever you're already going to mention ).

Hey mechazek, I hope you enjoy your day as well.

Dov, I see what you're saying, and I thank you for the encouragement you are giving me to go forward with my plan.

Unfortunately, I fell yesterday. Super Hard. And I don't think I can follow the neder. Simply speaking, the yesser hara was able to trick me into thinking that the neder doesn't apply (acting out is an ambiguous term, i should have used mz"l). I think I'm going to try to do this another way. (A side note is that the yesser hara was pushing me to act out, saying that I needed to work out anyway, so I should act out. You see how wily he is, no?) I think I am going to fight the problem by working on what I know is the problem with someone i trust.

We shall see where this new method takes me. Hopefully, it helps me recover. I hope it all works out.

Hoping for the best,

Jew Boy

JB, I read what you jsut posted and it looked familiar. So I scrolled up and it's a carbon copy of a post from a week ago ??? .

I hope that it's some sort of error and not that it happened again.

All the best,

Gevura!

You're right, gevura. I thought I never posted it. I had it saved in my email.

I didn't want to leave it without a post for so long.

Unfortunately, I am struggling greatly. I got a new computer that is my biggest downfall. I have yet to download k-9. I plan on it, but only after I've taken care of my desires. It's terrible.

On top of that, I have had orientation for college now for three days (my scholarship has a whole process that they want us to go through to build us up and make us more team oriented, but also leaders). Unfortunately, I come into contact with a lot of really smart and talented new yorkers, some of them really good looking. It's hard for me to focus on them as people (and they are goyim, so the ta'avah is compounded), and it is gets easier and easier to just regard them as lust objects. I have fallen at least four times since then. It's definitely not easy.

Sincerely,

Helpless (and Needy) Jew Boy

Hang in there, and get that filter on the computer now! I don't know what to tell you about school, I have the same issue at work, there's a guy i got a serious "crush" on. It got to where i was "stalking" him, finding excuses to walk past his room and get an eyeful and say hi. I would fantasize about him constantly and wished that he would signal me somehow.
When i started recovery i told my wife about him right away, somehow her knowing about it made the desire lessen. For a few weeks afterwards i went out of my way to avoid him completely, now I see him occasionally and we exchange hellos, but B"H I have gotten over the intensity of it and it's not that big a problem. I guess somehow you have to convince yourself that nothing can ever come of it, and just get used to seeing them and somehow "desensitized".

Hatzlacha and Keep On Trucking!!!!!

Gevura!

Helpless:

Thanks for sharing your struggles and your wins and your loses with us.  It gives me, and surely Hashem (although I am not a...) tuns of nachas that you continue to try to fight this war.  I belive from my own experiance in this war, that the more we fight, the more Hashem sees that we are trying and he assists us more and more.

About K9:  B4 the summer, I told my wife that she cannot leave to the county/mountains until we download k9.  It was difficult because the yetzer horah tried hard not to allow it to work, but we finally got it to work.  HOWEVER, not well enough, as I discovered a few nights ago.  Perhaps we did not set it strong enough, but the bottom line is that it was too easy to bypass and see most of what my yetzer horah wanted me to see.  Please take this heads up seroiusly.  Continued Hatzlacha Rabba.
Chasdei

I hear you, friend.
College isn't going to be easy.  Especially because it's an environment that accepts and encourages alternative lifestyles.  You're really walking into the fire.  But just as Hashem protected Avraham Avinu, so too will he protect you if you cling to him and keep crying out to Him for assistance.

Keep up the fight.  Stay busy.  Focus on your studies.  Plug in to yiddishkeit (yahadut) as much as possible: minyan, clubs, chavrusa, Shabbos.

Hatzlacha!
Alex

Thanks for the chizuk.

I do plan on installing it.

I need to do it at a time where I am strong. I will be mechazek myself over the next few days. Be'ezrat hashem, it should be up and running fully by sunday.

Thank you very much for all your help.

Chasdei Avos, it gives me great pleasure that these posts help you out. I wish you only the best in all that you do.

Thank you very much to everybody for participating.

Jew Boy

Helpless;  Today is day 2 clean bezras Hashem.

URGENT NOTE ABOUT K9:  Please have someone else install it and do not know the password, so that you cannot bypass it.  Also, be sure to have strong settings when you have it installed, because if you do not check off all the possible bad stuff, then it can easily be accessed.
Hatzlacha Rabba