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Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again

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TOPIC: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 487 Views

Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 16 May 2011 03:55 #106015

Rising Up
Current streak: 122 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 395
Karma: 0

What a long journey the past month has been!! It all started off with a successful streak of 83 days coming to an end via the Y”H’s trickery. I fell and I fell hard. Real hard. In fact, I fell farther than I had ever in the past. I gave up on GYE, not wanting to truly feel my lack of success as a measurement of my effort. Not realizing that the work put in shall never be lost. Weakened by my fall, I continued to self-destruct, coming very close to boundaries which I had no intention of ever crossing. I fell to depths that I wish I had not. Hopelessly I tried to reach out after my initial fall, but by then I was doomed. Over a long and painful YomTov I suffered and acted out time and time again. Pain. The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of failure. Deterred by a lack of success, I looked to seek fulfillment in my old ways. Falling farther than I had ever done before, I was awoken to the realization of where I had gone. With what little strength I had left I looked for somewhere to go. Not an SA or SLAA meeting to be found where I live. Falling once again that night, I realized that I had forgotten that there was a third organization, SAA, which was also similar to SA. Although they professed a slightly altered version of abstinence, I decided that they were nevertheless the only address. Arriving at a meeting the very next Sunday, I felt a sudden return of will in myself. After the meeting was over I spoke with the leader of the group for a while, hearing great words of wisdom, unspoken truths about myself and hope for the future. Since then, although it has been a long road I have felt stronger each day. Over time I realized my errors, and daily I work to correct my true self. To change who I am, not just what I do. And although the battle is still long, I feel the strength to return to GYE is within me. That same feeling that I had 1 month and 83 days ago, is back.

Rising Up

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Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 16 May 2011 05:11 #106018

Blind Beggar OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Not a sexaholic, just trying to be good. Posts: 780 Karma: 12	Welcome back, brother! We all love you and we all want to see you post about your problems, post away other people's problems, and rise up the top of the 90 Day Chart one inch at a time.
	The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars. If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look. I can guard my eyes. I want to guard my eyes. I do guard my eyes. Why do I say these four lines? Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 16 May 2011 06:45 #106020

geshertzarmeod Current streak: 2245 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Like a bridge over troubled water. Posts: 595 Karma: 3	Welcome back!!! חזק ואמץ
	ישראל אע"פ שחטא ישראל הוא If you're connected above, you won't fall down below - Reb Shlomo ולבי חלל בקרבי לולא האמנתי לראות בטוב ה' בארץ חיים Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 16 May 2011 19:32 #106076

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	it's great to see you back RU here's to many more uprisings, in good health and good cheer!
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 16 May 2011 20:05 #106082

Brother OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 162 Karma: 3	Welcome back this time you're here to stay. 1 day out of 83 at a time
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 17 May 2011 04:26 #106125

Rising Up Current streak: 122 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 395 Karma: 0	ODAAT is right. Today I succeeded!!!!!
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 17 May 2011 05:55 #106131

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	RisingUp wrote on 16 May 2011 03:55: Arriving at a meeting the very next Sunday, I felt a sudden return of will in myself. After the meeting was over I spoke with the leader of the group for a while, hearing great words of wisdom, unspoken truths about myself and hope for the future. Sounds like you're on the way up again. Welcome back. --Eye.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 17 May 2011 18:41 #106181

im not alone	Dear leader, Fellow brother welcome back I really missed you much may hashem be with you
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 17 May 2011 19:32 #106188

Yosef Hatzadik OFFLINE Platinum Boarder A GYE'er since 2010 Posts: 2986 Karma: 10	Do I need to write that I missed you too?
	*Yosef Hatzadik's Ha'oros* *Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech!* Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 18 May 2011 00:25 #106226

Rising Up
Current streak: 122 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 395
Karma: 0

Thank you to all!!! These words of encouragement mean so much to me. I have begun to take part in DuvidChaim's daily calls and I find them quite fascinating. I currently have so much college work to do that spending serious time anywhere in the near future would be detrimental to me. I will continue to post over the next few weeks and then hopefully pick up the pace gradually as I finish college for the summer. WOW Its so great to be back!!!!!!

Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 18 May 2011 06:18 #106249

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	RisingUp wrote on 18 May 2011 00:25: I have begun to take part in DuvidChaim's daily calls Good move. --Eye.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 18 May 2011 16:12 #106267

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	Sounds like a good start. Keep it up, and remember to enjoy every day of being clean!
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 18 May 2011 19:05 #106299

Rising Up Current streak: 122 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 395 Karma: 0	ODAAT Just a reminder to myself while doing computer work for the next 48 hours (minus davening and first seder, not minus sleeping).
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 19 May 2011 05:41 #106336

Rising Up Current streak: 122 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 395 Karma: 0	Letting go!! and going to sleep!!! ahhh.... so much to do so little time! I WILL ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS!!!!!!!! now back to the addiction part. Staying up this late to do work is toxic. end of story. good night!!!
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Slowly but surely, Rising Up once again 19 May 2011 13:31 #106347

im not alone	RisingUp wrote on 19 May 2011 05:41: now back to the addiction part. Staying up this late to do work is toxic. end of story. good night!!! staying up this late and staying focused to overcome this, is bravery keep it going
	Last Edit: by .