Thursday, 18 August 2016

Couple working together

A wife wrote a letter to GYE:

Your site was exactly what I needed when I signed up. I was a newlywed who had just found out about my husband's struggle and didn't know where to turn. Shocked, hurt, overwhelmed and frightened, I came across your site and found the section for spouses. Reading stories and encouragement from the other women gave me so much chizuk and a feeling that there was hope; that there was a possibility for us to push through this and find a way to the other side.

Baruch H-Shem Baruch H-Shem bli ayin hara, through much work, dedication, and siyata dishmaya over the past few years, my husband has made incredible progress. He still receives your emails and derives much inspiration from them. He went to a private therapist for a short while - I believe it was someone who was recommended on your site.

My husband made the decision on his own to put up as many barriers as possible to his internet access. He has an old fashioned cell phone with the web access disabled, and at home our computer is filtered and locked by a password that only I know. In addition, he had the Nativ filter installed on his personal laptop that he uses for work. I have access to his email on my phone and check it regularly, making sure to delete any spam or other inappropriate messages. If he ever needs anything that he can't get to as a result of his filter, he asks me to access it for him on my computer or phone and give over the information to him or show him a specific video clip etc.

He also committed to being completely honest with me whenever he found a "back door", even if he slipped and saw some things he shouldn't, so that we could find a way to shut it for good and prevent future falls. While this was very painful for both of us each time it occurred, it was, and still is, essential to his continued success.

We are super careful when deciding where to go for trips and vacations and he avoids shopping in department stores as much as possible (like walmart, target, etc.)

He works so hard on himself and his connection to H-Shem which he says helps him tremendously. He prays all the time (as do I) for H-shems help and reads books daily on Shmiras ainayim.

I know these ideas would probably sound extreme to most people and I admit that it isn't always easy on me either - I do all the shopping alone and don't get to go to many places that I would like to. But I am so proud and grateful to my husband for his conviction to stay pure and our relationship is so strong, deep and precious as a result. I do my best to be supportive by focusing on never making him feel like he is bothering me if he asks me to check something for him and never complaining about his decisions.

This has been a difficult and painful journey for me and especially for my husband, as he slowly relinquished his control of his access, but the struggle has definitely gotten much easier over time. I know that this struggle is not something that will ever fully go away (at least not as long as we are in galus) but through all this work I have thankfully come to a place of much more peace over anxiety, and my husband is so much happier and driven to succeed in all areas of his life.

I am so grateful to you and daven that all those who battle with this nisayon find the strength to conquer and triumph over it.