Monday, 26 June 2017

10 Ways Porn Puts Your Marriage in Danger

by GYE (See all authors)

I don’t think anyone wants to put their marriage in jeopardy. In fact, we’ve heard from several readers that the only reason they “allow” porn in their marriage is to try to save or enhance it. They don’t want to push their husband away by putting “unrealistic expectations” on him or they want to “keep things exciting” so he doesn’t get bored. But the truth is, pornography is not saving or strengthening marriages, it’s destroying and weakening them!

Professors Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman have been researching the effects of pornography for more than 30 years and have concluded that when it comes to porn use “no rigorous research demonstrations of desirable effects can be reported.” Or in other words, in all the legitimate research they’ve studied over the years, they have found NO benefits to pornography- only damage.

In 2004, Dr. Jill Manning found that 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an “obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” Similarly, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003, where two-thirds of them reported that the internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases. That means that roughly 500,000 marriages annually are failing due to pornography!

So, what is it about pornography that is leading to divorce? Well, it’s ten things actually.

  1. Porn Breaks Trust

According to numerous studies, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to a diminished trust between intimate couples.

It really is no surprise. After all, pornography and secrecy go hand in hand. Most people who view pornography go to great lengths to keep it hidden. It’s most often watched late at night when their spouse is asleep or when they are home alone. Users are careful to lock doors, erase their internet history, and keep files and videos hidden with passwords. Spouses are shocked and feel betrayed when they find out because they were so easily kept in the dark. They wonder what else is going on that they don’t know about. Even users who were upfront with their spouse about watching pornography admit that they hide how much and when from them. Deception is a common theme of pornography. In contrast, transparency is a common theme of strong marriages.

  1. Porn Hinders Emotional Intimacy

Pornography leads to an objectification rather than a meaningful interaction with another person.

There’s a big difference between having sex and making love. Sex is about pleasure. Making love is about connection. Sex is about the body. Making love is about the person. Because a bonding hormone is released during sexual intimacy, it can be a wonderful and powerful way to feel closer to and connect with your spouse. However, if that hormone is released when your spouse is not present, that aspect of martial intimacy is lost.

  1. Porn Destroys Self-Esteem

When men and women were exposed to porn, they were less likely to be pleased with their partner’s physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance. Not only does porn affect how users view others but it also affects how they view themselves. Porn users may find that not only do they see their partners in a less than “satisfying” way, but they start to think that they themselves are less attractive as well.

Men who viewed a lot of porn were likely to say that they became more critical of their partner’s appearance and lost interest in sex with their partner as a result. Interestingly enough, twice as many women reported that their porn-watching spouses became more critical and that this criticism made the women less interested in sex. Researchers have found that porn consumers eventually compare their spouse or partner and themselves to images of porn models.

Is it any wonder then that it destroys self-esteem? How can anyone live up to the unrealistic expectations of porn’s perfectly airbrushed, surgically enhanced, and carefully photoshopped bodies? Some doctors even suspect that increased porn usage is the cause for the rise in women seeking plastic surgery to change their bodies!

  1. Porn Causes Selfishness

Pornography promotes selfishness. “Seldom did I think of bringing sexual pleasure to my wife. I thought only about getting, not giving.”

Pornography, at its core, is all about selfishness and immediate gratification. The user focuses solely on getting and taking when he wants. In contrast, true martial intimacy is a giving of oneself. A relationship where one spouse is only interested in taking usually does not last very long. People, who use porn regularly, often have a hard time being gentle during lovemaking. Sex tends to be impersonal, rushed, and “forced.” There’s no foreplay. There’s no waiting to arouse someone. It’s just taking what you want. Here’s a little fact you probably don’t know – the least popular day for Americans to view porn is Thanksgiving Day. Interesting, considering that gratitude and selfishness are opposites.

  1. Porn Demeans Women

Results showed that the more porn a man was exposed to, the more likely he was to prefer that women be submissive and subordinate to men.

Pornography also changes the way men view women. Research has proven that just two sessions of one-hour exposures of R-rated sexual entertainment change men’s attitudes toward women. They begin to objectify women and no longer see them as individually unique or valuable because of the demeaning manner in which women and sex are portrayed. And that’s not even mentioning the porn that portrays women being dominated, abused, and enjoying it.


  1. Porn Impairs Your Sex Life

Porn can lead to decreased sexual performance. A recent NoFap survey of pornography users found that 19 percent suffer from premature ejaculation, 25 percent are disinterested in sex with their partner, 31 percent have difficulty reaching orgasm, and 34 percent experience erectile dysfunction. After committing to no masturbation/porn, 60 percent of those on NoFap felt that their sexual functions had improved. And 67 percent had an increase in energy levels as well as productivity.

So many people say that they use porn in an effort to “spice up” their sex life. However, research shows that is actually wrecks your libido. Not only is porn leading to bad sex, but some studies show that it’s taking away men’s ability to have sex at all.

Recently, porn-induced E.D. is becoming more of a “hot topic.” In fact, about 60% of compulsive porn users reported erectile dysfunction in a brain scan study last year.

  1. Porn Leads to Marital Dissatisfaction

Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. Here’s the thing: not only is porn a fantasy, but it also makes it harder for users to have real loving relationships.

Pornography warps views about sex and relationships. It distorts views of men and women and changes sexual attitudes and behaviors. Because pornography is portrayed as easy and quick, marital sex is then viewed as complicated and too much work. As a result, romance dwindles.

  1. Porn is a Gateway to Infidelity

Porn increases marital infidelity by 300%. Watching porn diminishes relationship commitment. The fantasy alternative leads to real-world cheating. Porn-free relationships are stronger, with a lower rate of infidelity. Their rate of infidelity was at least half of those who had watched sexual material alone and with their partners.

It’s interesting that society tells us that if you don’t “allow” pornography in your marriage, you’ll push him away and drive him to infidelity. When in reality, pornography is linked to infidelity. That’s not even mentioning the fact that many people view pornography as infidelity in itself.

  1. Porn is Linked to Depression, Stress and Anxiety

Men who have cyber-sex have “alarmingly high” rates of clinical depression, stress, and anxiety. Recovering porn users continue to report a reduction in social anxiety as one of the most common improvements when they stop using Internet porn.

We’re not saying that pornography is the primary cause of depression or anxiety. The truth is, there isn’t enough research on the subject yet to draw clear conclusions. However, there is a very clear correlation and link being discovered between porn usage and depression, stress and anxiety. These are three issues that can have a big impact on, not just yourself, but your marriage as well.

  1. Porn Alters Your Brain

Porn physically changes your brain. And here’s the really scary part: the more porn a person looks at, the more severe the damage to their brain becomes and the more difficult it is to break free.

Yes, porn actually alters your brain. Scientists at Cambridge University recently studied the brain scans of porn addicts and found that they looked exactly like those of drug addicts. Just like other addictive substances, porn fills the brain with dopamine. And, the more you view pornography, the more desensitized you become. However, pornography is a little different from some addictions. Most alcoholics want more and more alcohol. But porn addicts don’t just want more porn – they want different porn. What was once exciting and arousing no longer satisfies them, and they look for harder and harder core porn. That’s why porn can become so addictive and that’s why porn never satisfies. Often pornography users venture into progressively perverse content, which is why pornography is linked to violence and crime. This can be seen in the extreme example of Ted Bundy. (If you don’t know the story of Ted Bundy, I highly suggest watching his interview.) No, we’re not saying that every porn user will become a criminal, but we do think it’s important to understand the nature and danger of pornography.

The facts are pretty sobering. So… is it a lost cause?

NO – Not All Men Look at Porn!

Despite what the magazines and TV shows would have you believe, there are a lot of happy marriages out there without pornography. The idea that ALL men look at pornography or are lying is false! Chivalry is not dead. Men who are standing against pornography and totally devoted to their wives DO still exist. In fact, when we sent out an anonymous survey, we heard back from lots of men who shared their thoughts on pornography. Here are just a few…

“I find it offensive when people say ‘Men can’t help it.’ Of course I can help it. I’m not an animal. I have my own choices. I can control myself and my actions. Why don’t women give us more credit than that?”

“Yes, I was exposed to pornography as a child and I did struggle with addiction. However, I hated the way it made me feel. I hated the way it made my wife feel. After a lot of hard work and communication, we’ve overcome it together. It has been over 10 years since I’ve watched pornography and I have never been happier. We have an amazing sex life and the thought of porn disgusts me. So to answer your question, no not all mean look at porn.”

“There’s no room for porn in my life anymore. I’ve filled it all up with love for my wife. I’m not saying it was easy, but I’m so glad that I made the change. I feel sorry for men who think pornography makes them happy. They don’t know what they’re missing.”

“No, I have never intentionally watched pornography. I know people will say that I’m lying and won’t believe me, but it’s the truth. I was taught from a very young age of its dangers and I’ve always stayed far away. I’ve watched my best friend go through a divorce because of his pornography addiction and how it’s torn his family apart”

We need to spread the message loud and clear that it’s okay to have higher expectations- it’s not unrealistic. And, for the sake of your marriage, you should!

Single page