Chapter 17- Accepting the Desire
Lengthy battles with desire can be quite tricky. Aggressive approaches against the yetzer hara — techniques that make us feel that we are actively fighting him — don’t always work in these battles because these methods are not geared to work for an extended period. A person can only fight himself for so long. If we use a forceful approach, then the longer the battle goes on the greater the danger that we might crack.
Often, the most effective way to deal with desire is to use a non-aggressive manner. Your desires will not escalate as much if you focus on accepting that you have them and not getting flustered by them. Remaining calm also stops the desires from creating confusion, which would ruin your balance and ability to think rationally. Instead, you feel confident and in control. Though it takes work to be able to do this easily, it is very effective when employed.
The next time you face off against desire, think to yourself, “I desire to indulge and I acknowledge that a part of me wants it. I won’t deny that I have these impulses or hope that they suddenly go away, because that just makes things worse. I won’t feel overwhelmed and confused. I will remain calm, confident, and in control.
“I will not feel inferior for having a part of me that desires. That is normal — it is how Hashem created the world. This desire does not make me a bad person; I am a good person who wants to do what’s right. Though this other part of me sometimes covers up my aspirations, that desire to be good is the real me — even if I sometimes act differently.
“I will address my impulses calmly. I won’t beat myself up for them. Desire is a challenge created by Hashem, not something wrong with me. I will not let my urges escalate into a “desire rush” that overwhelms my rational mind and makes me lose control. The best way to prevent that is to keep my cool instead of getting worked up, so that is what I will do.
“Although I want to indulge, I will keep my balance instead of letting my desires escalate until I desperately need it. In my calm state, I will play things out and think to myself, ‘If I get what I want, will that make me happy, or will it just momentarily satisfy the impulses only for them to return even stronger? Will I regret my decision afterward and be ashamed of myself? I just don’t think it’s worth it.’
“If I stay calm, I can think to myself, ‘I want to give in but nonetheless I won’t. I am doing the right thing and gaining so much. This is my moment of destiny, the moment when I propel myself to greatness! Success isn’t being born without desires; it is dealing with them appropriately, which is exactly what I am doing right now! It was worth being created just for this moment!’”
A person needs some level of self-control to use this method, and of course, you should experiment with all the different techniques and see what works best for you. But if it works for you, this technique is the most effective way to deal with the yetzer hara. Mastering it will lead you to great heights.
We must maintain control and not lose ourselves to the rush of desire that threatens to shut off our brains. If we lose ourselves, all the tricks in the world will be worthless because we will not use them. Remaining in control enables us to implement all our techniques to defeat the yetzer hara in the battle of the generation.
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