Chapter 41- Abstaining From Actions that Increase Desire
If we want to attain mastery over our desires, we must try to limit the strength of our desires. Therefore, we must do our best to follow the halachos that relate to desire.
Our sages teach (Shemos Rabbah 16:2, as elaborated in Mesillas Yesharim, Chapter 11) that certain actions should be avoided because they increase a man’s desires (aside from being forbidden in themselves — see Chapter 32). These actions include physical contact with women (other than one’s wife), gazing at women for pleasure, and talking too much with women. Though we might not notice it, these actions activate and strengthen our desires, at least subconsciously.
We want our desires to become weaker so we can master them. Thus, we want to try to have stretches of time when we don’t experience desire. This must include following these laws, which will keep our urges from activating even subconsciously. We will have a real break from desire, and it will lose some of its edge.
Thus, we must try our best to avoid unnecessary friendly conversation with women. We must be firm with ourselves not to gaze at women purposely for pleasure, and especially to avoid physical contact. This will make it much easier to succeed in our battle against desire.
We must be careful to avoid the actions that increase desire. This will weaken our desires and move us closer to victory in battle of the generation.
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