Today is a special day for FOUR reasons.
Firstly, today is Yesod shebi'Yesod of the Seffirah. Everyone knows that Yesod represents the area of Shmiras Habris, so today is a very auspicious day for progress in these areas.
Secondly, today is the Yartzeit of Rav Shlomkeh Ze'viller who worked his whole life to strengthen the "Yesod" of Klal Yisrael by building Mikva'os and the like. See this page of our website for more about Rav Shlomkeh. And see the bottom of this e-mail for an antidote from Rav Shlomkeh. May his merit stand for us all today.
Thirdly, today the membership of this daily Chizuk e-mail list ("Breaking Free") just topped 500 members! Please help us continue to spread the word to even more Yidden that can be helped. There are probably thousands of religious Jews around the world who struggle in these areas, sometimes suffering in pain and shame for years, never having heard of GYE! See our new "Monthly" donating options below, it's easy, fast and secure! And in the merit of your help, Hashem will surely help you in your own struggles in ways you never believed - especially today on Yesod shebi'Yesod!!
Fourthly, today is Ano-nymous's half a year mark! "Ano" (for short) is a Bochur who struggled for years with these issues. On the day he wrote us his story we decided that the time had come to make a "90 day Wall of Honor" chart, and he was the first one up on the chart. So the chart is a half a year old today as well, and Ano definitely has a large Zechus in it! We are very proud to have him as part of our community. He has shown himself to be a man whose actions match his words, and a great source of inspiration to many of us on the forum, especially to other Bochurim who believed they could never break free from this. We hope to make our next announcement about "Ano" at his FULL YEAR mark in 6 months from now, and we hope that he sticks with the GYE community for many years to come!
Tomorrow is 20 weeks for me! My goal is no more lusting and I feel like I am almost there. When I say lusting, I am referring to the act of thinking bad thoughts or staring at women for the sole purpose of getting that 'tingly feeling'. What I now realize, is that doing those things and looking at porn online are essentially the same thing: food for my addiction to lust. And if you stop feeding the addiction, he dies. I'm living proof to the truth of that statement :-)
We don't need to just stop acting out. We need to stop WANTING to act out. Replace the giddy feelings you get when you decide to act out, with the feelings of pain and despair that you know you will feel afterward. Then you will not WANT to act out. I simply don't want to lust anymore. It's disgusting to me. Looking back just a few months ago, I can't believe the filth I wasted hours downloading and watching. Tomorrow is 20 weeks for me, and I'm never going back. Think about WHY you want to quit, and focus more on the 'wanting to quit' than on the 'quitting'... I'm rambling, I know, so I'll stop now. Have a great and clean Pesach!
I've passed the 23 week mark! I remember when I first posted here and Guard put up the Wall of Honor right then, after reading my story. I didn't know how I would do it, but I knew I couldn't let him down. It's been almost half a year, and it's indescribably great to not have to worry about what disgusting porn I'm going to watch in order to feed the addiction, or how I'm going to masturbate when I don't have access to porn. For those of you who still don't think you can do it: IT'S NOT TRUE!!! Get started today, and never give up no matter how many times you slip up. Never allow yourself to believe that you're hopeless and may as well give up. It's all the Yetzer Hara feeding you lies. That's how this addiction works. Lies, lies, and more lies. Ignore them, you can beat this!
Hey Ezra, I just thought I'd pop in and say how amazing it is to see someone as young as yourself taking the steps to break this addiction. I don't know if you've read my thread on the forum, but it's been almost half a year for me. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too. By the way, the way you write reminds me of myself. I only wish I would have started as early as you did. I could have gotten so much more done in the years between 17 and 20... I'm rambling a bit now, so I'll stop.