The Library

Today is rosh chodesh Sivan and today is my 90th day of my journey. I can't believe this.
I am sitting here by my computer in a trance.
Wow! Did I really accomplish 90 days! Yup, I DID! With thanks to H' and too many other ppl to mention who all helped me pull thru. No, it wasn't an easy journey and I only got thru it living from one minute to the next. I have gained so much from this journey in all areas of my life! I have changed! I am a different person!
I was able to do this. I am strong. I can do anything! I can. This proves it. The fact that I DID 90 days. Nothing is impossible. H' has held me thru it all and continues to do so thru out every aspect of my life. He only gives me what I can handle – this is also proved to me thru the 90 days done! Life is not one rose garden. I also have to want to do it. But really want it. And it can get done! I know that when I am REALLY determined to do something I get it done! There are ups and there are downs. But I can pull myself out the downs and remain up. Life is not about circumstances but about attitude. Hey, I'm naturally a pessimist. But, I have changed. Just like the brain wiring has changed for wanting to act out then my mindset has also hopefully permanently changed to that of an optimist! Yay!

I feel it is so special that my 90th day coincides with rosh chodesh sivan. It's big. I just feel it. I'm feeling empowered. No, I do not want to act out on day 91, bh. Altho it is shabbos and shabbos for me is not a good day. But, Hashem will help me just as He has helped me til now! I trust in Him.
Hey, I just had a thought. Just like rosh chodesh is the beginning of a new month. Today is the beginning of a new life. A good one. A clean one. My neshama is proud. Whatever happens, I can handle. It's from H' and I CAN get up if I fall. I'm not planning on falling, though. All H' wants of me is to try my best and then He helps me with the rest. I have so many a&w moments! Life ain't suddenly easy. No! But my attitude is better and I am still living life minute by minute.

I accomplished 90 days! It is a huge achievement! Tons of battles which I may not have won all of them but I won the war! TY H'!
Thank You for having helped me reach my goal! But this is not the end goal.
It's the beginning of a new month. Of a new life.
I reached 90 but I'm not gonna stop. Life doesn't stop. There are still challenges. But I am stronger now. And have more tools in my arsenal.
I have also learned on this journey what is and isn't really important in life.
It has also taught me that the feeling WILL pass. Just WAIT! And the feeling really does pass!