Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Hindsight View, Up Front

by Yosef (See all authors)

One of my favorite Torahs is a Breslover Torah. Rebbe Nachman says that often, only AFTER we go through a period of time or a situation do we first see in 'hindsight' and 'retrospect' how all was really for the good. We see how G-d's hand was guiding us all along. This is what Hashem showed to Moshe when He showed him the teffilin knot on the back of the head... i.e. the 'hindsight' view, UP FRONT. In other words, Hashem gave Moshe the ability to see 'li'mafreya', lichatchila, before having to 'go through' a situation.

I've felt this way 1000's of times over the last 6 years (I'm sober since Aug '04). For example, now, I could look at 'stuff' on the internet... But later I'll be home with a family, with myself and with G-d... Will I be able to look my family in the eye and connect to them for real? Will I have something to feel guilty about with my closest loved ones? I BH(!) already see myself two hours from now happy with them, which helps prevent me ruining that happiness in this moment, now. Do I want to feel like garbage then?!

On the train to and from work, is the same. I tell myself that at some point I'm going to get off the train. What will be my memory 'looking back' at my behavior when I was on the train? By seeing myself guilt free and happily exiting the train, it helps me connect to Hashem while I am actually on the train, instead of G-d forbid(!) the opposite.