Comes to be purified
In Honor of Lag Ba'Omer, I would like to bring a truly beautiful post from one of the "Bon-Fires" on our forum; "Barditchev"! He writes to a fellow member as follows:
When I was in my first 2 weeks, I monitored myself hourly. When I started the 3rd week, I started to keep track of greater intervals. To be perfectly honest, my goal was to come into Pesach without falling. 40 days was not even on my horizon at the time, I actually hand-drew a chart which only had "30" on it. I felt that if I were to make a goal that was too much, I would never keep it.
I am now passed 50 days B"H, and I would like to mention a few of the things which I can attribute my success so far to, Bli Ayin Horah:
A. I was able to break free.
That I attribute to all that I read and internalized here on the forum and on the website. I realized that I'm an addict, and I realized that I was in a self-destructive situation. I realized that other people who sound so normal and rational, had the same problem and are dealing with it successfully.
B. I was able to stay clean.
This part is the hardest part, because that is where all the work is. Staying clean is a struggle. But I feel that the part that makes it doable, is that we are able to post to one another in real time. (Plus, this forum replaced my addiction somewhat). Not that I have any confidence to say I trust myself, but I do feel that being constantly in touch with people who recognize my problems, can help me deal with them in a positive way.
There is a real vibrancy on GYE, you can feel the excitement and energy. The Wall of Honor is a great motivator. The fact that you have to monitor yourself and you see the results up on the board, is terrific way to keep up the good work.
What I was suffering from as an addict, is that I thought I was the only lonely person on this planet who is struggling with shemiras einayim. The fact that I can communicate with other people who are open and honest and are dealing with the same issues, gives me the proper frame of mind to stay focused on that goal.
E. Love vs. Lust
What many of us have to deal with, is differentiating between love and lust. Lust is the wild spontaneous sensation of self gratification. Love is the opposite. On this site we are taught to control the addiction of lusting, remove its veneer, and search for what we are really are looking for, which is love: i.e. love of Hashem and love of our fellow man. And there's lots of it here!
On GYE, everyone is given a second chance. This site is the optimization of "HABAA LITAHER MISAYYIN OISO - He who comes to be purified, is helped".
Humble and happy