And you thought you had it hard
I saw a mind blowing Chazal today that can provide tremendous chizzuk to all of us that are struggling or that fell in the past. The Torah tells us that while a Cohen is permitted to marry a widow, a Cohen Gadol, however, is forbidden. The question is why. I saw brought down this week, that the Torah was concerned that when the Cohen Gadol is in the Kodesh Hakodoshim on Yom Kippur he may have seen a beautiful married woman at some time and there is a concern that he will daven that her husband should die so he can marry her.
Picture this, the holiest day of the year, the holiest place in the world, performing the service that will potentially bring a complete kapparah for Klal Yisroel, and what is he thinking of? Joe Schmoe's pretty wife. How could it be? The answer is because we are human beings and we have flaws. Indeed, sometimes we are even given tests that we cannot pass. So, let say we've failed in the past. We can't give up. We can have failed and still be as great as the Cohen Gadol going into the Kodesh Hakodshim. But on one condition that we try.
Thank you, Hashem, for helping me make my way out the muck.