Stark accountability and brokenness before Hashem

by GYE, Tahor (See all authors)

A member on the forum called "Tahor" posted:

I am in my 40's. My second marriage. My first ended because of multiple affairs. At that time, I spent hour upon hour in Torah study. I attended the place of assembly regularly (SA groups). I formed small groups of men for accountability, and yet I failed again and again.

Two things led to success: Stark accountability and brokenness before Hashem's presence. And two things keep me safe now: Full accountability to my wife, and the fear of losing again what I lost: my reputation, my children, employment, the respect of my sons and first wife, thousands of dollars of child support, etc.

I am now a shift supervisor in a retail store. I have working with me many young, attractive, and attentive females. There is always for me an initial attraction, but if I refuse to act out of that attraction, it subsides, and I realize it was just infatuation. My wife often asks me if I'm having "trouble" with anyone. I tell her the truth. We pray, or she prays for me. Afterwards, I do not feel anything anymore for this person. The confession is often even more empowering than the prayer, or so it seems.

I am working on not being so personal with the opposite sex. It is hard, I like to be involved in peoples' lives, male and female. I care when people are sad. I look out for the little guy. My wife warns me to maintain a strictly professional relationship with my female coworkers.

The first thing to guard against, is to avoid flattering compliments toward them. You may think it, but don't say it. The compulsion will pass, and you'll be glad you didn't say anything later.

A final note of encouragement: I have found that when I resist those I believe are available, if I am strong enough, long enough, Hashem removes them from my workplace. They quit, move away, get fired. It's as if he says to me, "You've endured long enough! No more torture".

Then, another comes. But with each new coworker I become stronger and stronger.

I have to remember, I am not only standing for myself, but for Jews everywhere, even for Israel itself!

It says in Proverbs 7:4,5. "Say to Wisdom 'You are my sister!' and call Understanding, 'Friend!' that they may safeguard you from a forbidden woman, from a strange woman who makes her words glib".

Berachot,
Tahor

 

GYE Answers:

Dear Tahor,

Whenever I read such things from holy Jews like you, what they have been through and how they have learned to give Hashem their hearts, it brings tears to my eyes - and I'm sure a lot of others on the forum feel the same way. Tahor, you are holding up the world! You are perhaps doing more for the good of Klal Yisrael than even some big Rosh Yeshivos may be doing, and no one even knows. It's the simple "shift supervisor" who is shaking the upper worlds with his pure Teshuvah. Ashreinu that we have people like you in Klal Yisrael! May you serve as a source of inspiration to everyone on our forum and site. And may this e-mail to everyone on our "Chizuk List" serve as a merit for you, to keep you strong in your service of Hashem - as great as the kohanim who brought the Karbonos on the Mizbe'ach in the Beis Hamikdash. As it says by the Korbon Tamid that we bring twice a day; "Zeh Ha'Isheh asher Takrivu La'hashem" ("Ishe" means also "woman"). I am sure that in heaven it is announced on some days: "Today's Korbon Tamid was brought by Tahor".