I Keep Falling!

How do I hit rock bottom while still on top?

by GYE, Kedusha, Kutan (See all authors)

A member wrote on the forum:

I fell twice again today, I really can see that I can't afford to take that 1st lust hit, because once I open it up, I'm powerless, I have to put the break on before that point. But what if my partner is unavailable? I haven't quite got the knack of surrendering it to Hashem on my own. I try, but it isn't deep enough. I don't get out of my head that way...

I really don't want to hit rock bottom, but I fear that is the only way I'm gonna start recovering properly... How do I hit rock bottom whilst still on top? (I know that's one of the goals of GYE, but I'm not sure how to apply it...)

"Kutun" Replies:

You can hit bottom while still on top by imagining yourself getting caught... especially by someone you really care about, and whom would be very disappointed in you, or worse. (But it only works if you have a VIVID imagination. Otherwise, to best experience the feeling, you might have to actually get caught :-)

We replied:

See this page for more on "hitting bottom while still on-top".

Like you said, it's a lot about about "getting out of our heads". An addict's head is sick. We need to connect with others more and more and more. Don't have just one partner, have a bunch. If you join Duvid Chaim's phone conferences, all the guys in the groups share numbers with each other. Or you can join a local SA group. Also, work with other people in your job. Don't ever be alone. Do things with the family... learn with a chavrusah. An addict's mind is a dangerous place to go alone.

"Kedusha" Replied:

1) Picture yourself 20 years from now, wondering how the heck did so many decades of my life disappear into oblivion? When we act out repeatedly, our life becomes one big blur of falling and regret. But, if we live one day at a time, staying clean and living with a purpose, then each day will be meaningful, b'Ezras Hashem.

2) Would you rather buckle down for 90 days (one day at a time), or suffer for the next 90 years? (See this page for more on this idea). It's your choice (but choose carefully, because not only you, but your wife and children will likely pay dearly if you, c"v, make the wrong choice). It won't even take 90 days for things to get easier - you just need to start, one day at a time, to get the trash out of your system. You desperately need to detox from all the pollution; but instead, you keep sticking your head in the chimney. Remember, you're making no promises about tomorrow, so why not stay clean today?