Thank Him for life
One of our members sent us their story recently. I think we can all learn a lot from it.
I struggled as a teenager with pornography and masturbation, mostly as an escape mechanism. When I got married I thought all my problems would be solved. However, I equated love with sex and became very manipulative toward my wife. I was able to control my addiction to pornography during most of my 35 years of marriage, occasionally falling, but not realizing I had any type of addiction at all.
Until the Internet. When I discovered the Yetzer Harah on the Internet, my whole life changed for the worst. My business began to nose-dive, one Friday I almost was late getting home for Shabbos. My Internet porn addiction then led to going places and doing things I should never have done.
With the help of SLAA over the past 6 years I have been sober close to 3 years, with one relapse in between during a difficult business period of my life.
The key to conquering this dis-ease is to realize you are powerless over this addiction and you, as a Jew, are powerless over changing other people, because Hashem is in charge. And no matter how much you think you are in control of your money, your job, your health, your sanity, your serenity, you're not, G-D is.
This disease is NOT ABOUT SEX. Sex and Love are just the bi-products of your low self esteem and a life of dis-content brought on by abuse or co-dependency. You could just as easily be drinking or gambling or eating. So discover the underlying root of what is causing you to get distracted into this insidious media and you can begin to heal.
I know its difficult to go to SLAA meetings. But I disagree that because they are mixed you shouldn't go. We sex addicts view women as OBJECTS. But when you go to a meeting and hear their stories, their pain and the result of how men treat them, you will NEVER view them again as objects and you will begin to heal. Your intimate life with your wife will improve when you realize sex is not the most important part of your life. It is important when it becomes a spiritual bond, not an escape or a manipulation because you just FEEL LIKE IT.
When you pray to Hashem every day, instead of ASKING him to help you, THANK HIM for the fact that you are still living and make a list of all the things in your life you appreciate having.